DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a co-worker who is really annoying. She talks on the phone to her friends whenever our boss is not around, which means she is often late completing her work. Because we work together, this often affects me. I can't get some of my work done until she finishes hers.

I'm not quite sure why she thinks it's OK to be so lackadaisical at work. She has only been here for about two months. If I were her boss, she would not pass that probationary period. I'm tempted to say something to my boss about her, but I don't want to be a tattletale. I doubt if I say something to her that it will make a difference. What should I do? -- Step Up or Step Out, New Orleans

DEAR STEP UP OR STEP OUT: I can hear your frustration through your letter. Take a moment and step back. What do you need from this co-worker in order to be able to do your job? If you can clearly articulate that, then you should be able to talk to her. Invite her to chat with you one day off premises -- perhaps during lunch. Tell her that you are concerned that you have been having difficulty getting your work done on time because the things she is supposed to do have been coming to you late. Ask her if she needs support in organizing her time.

You might also point out that you know that your company has a probationary period -- because you were on probation when you first started -- and you are concerned for her that if she does not tighten up her work, she may be in trouble. If she does not attempt to improve after that, you should go to your boss, not as a tattletale, but more as an advocate for yourself. Let your boss know that you are worried about your ability to get your work done in a timely manner because of the new employee's poor habits.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently worked with a guy on a group project. While he was definitely talented, he was also really loud. It seemed like he took pride in that too, as if being the loud and funny guy was a badge of honor. Sure, there were times when we laughed because he liked to crack jokes. But there's a time and a place for everything, only he didn't think so. There's going to be another project that he might be good for. How can I get him to calm down enough that I would consider inviting him back? -- Straighten Up or Else, Boston

DEAR STRAIGHTEN UP OR ELSE: My sister used to say, "The worst that you have seen of a person is the only thing that is guaranteed." While that may seem harsh, it is also true. You can talk to this man about behaving more professionally, but if he didn't do it before, there's no reason to trust that he can button it up the next go-round.

You need to decide if you can stomach his crude or loud ways if he is unable to follow your rules. Is he worth it if he can't contain himself?

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 15-year-old son just told me that he is gay. I kind of suspected it, but that's completely different from actually dealing with it. I totally support my son to become whatever he is to be, but I have no idea of how to help him through what will surely be some tough times. For starters, I know my husband is going to freak out. He is West Indian and stereotypically homophobic. My son will need his father to have his back. And then there are the extended family members. I need help in order to help him. -- Standing by His Side, Chicago

DEAR STANDING BY HIS SIDE: Begin by simply and completely being there for your son. Let him tell you about his feelings, what prompted him to talk about it now, and any experiences that he would like to share with you. Be a great listener. That means biting your tongue when you feel like inserting comments or judgments. Be an active listener.

When he asks for your advice, start with your basic values about sexual activity at his age. Regardless of sexual orientation, you surely have guidelines for what you recommend. Remind your son of these guidelines, as they should protect him.

As far as your husband and extended family go, take it one day at a time. Agree with your son about who will break the news to his dad. If he wants to have the conversation, offer to stand by his side. Afterward, talk to your husband about the importance of supporting your son even though it's difficult. For other family members, do not tell them until your son is ready. Meanwhile, help him to build a support network of people who will help him to come in to his own responsibly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In this day and age, do you think that handwritten thank-you notes matter? So many people send communication via email, from invitations to thank-you notes, that sometimes I feel like the old-fashioned way is obsolete. Trust me, my children feel that way. Even for their grandmother who is not online, it is hard to get them to send a note. How can I get them to go old-fashioned at least for people who are not using email? -- Good Manners, Washington, D.C.

DEAR GOOD MANNERS: Teach by example. Sit down with your children and help them write notes to their grandmother and anyone else you want them to send a note of acknowledgment. When you receive gifts or have other reasons to send a note, make sure that your children witness you receiving the item and then taking the time to write, address and mail the note of gratitude. You can have them walk with you to the mailbox or to the post office to buy stamps. You may even want to take them to card stores to help you pick out cards for various occasions. This may inspire them to get into the whole experience of the cycle of gratitude with more enthusiasm.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of my teenage daughter has a lot of acne on her face. She seems to be in pain sometimes. We can tell because she picks at her face. My daughter told me that her mother complained that she is not using the acne cleanser that was prescribed for her. On top of that, my daughter says she thinks the real reason the acne is so bad is that her friend eats terribly. I have seen that she eats a lot of fried foods. Generally, I think her preferences are for white foods, like French fries and fried chicken nuggets and stuff like that. My daughter is worried about her friend and asked me if I could say anything to her or her mom about the effect that fried food has on the skin. I am reluctant to do that. Getting into people's business about their health and appearance can be tricky. How can I support my daughter without crossing that family's personal boundaries? -- Zit Phobia, Charlotte, North Carolina

DEAR ZIT PHOBIA: What you can do is talk to your daughter about healthy choices that she should make for her own body and skin. Encourage her to continue to eat healthy, clean food and to drink lots of water. Point out, too, that some people get acne even when they do eat well, because acne is in part a result of hormonal changes in the body that occur regardless of diet.

As far as her friend goes, tell her that you appreciate how much she wants to help her friend, but that this is not your business. Instead of looking at her friend in judgment, what she can do is subtly invite her to get some broccoli when they are getting food instead of going for the fries. Otherwise, encourage her to mind her own business. Perhaps her example of being a conscientious eater will rub off on her friend.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A former colleague looked me up recently and sent me an email saying that she was coming to town and would like to get together. I have to say I was taken aback at first. We were never friends, and I don't know that I want to see her. What I remember of our work relationship is that it was contentious. Part of me is curious as to why she wants to get together. But more, I have a busy life. I'm not sure I want to interrupt it to welcome her back in when she didn't behave well the first go-round. What should I do? -- Unwelcome Colleague, Jersey City, New Jersey

DEAR UNWELCOME COLLEAGUE: Rather than blowing her off completely, consider emailing her back to ask what she's coming in town to do and why she wants to get together. Yes, that can seem abrupt, but since you don't have the precedent of a friendly relationship, you might as well get clued in as to what her interests are.

If she keeps it vague, saying she just wants to catch up, you can tell her that's very nice, but you really don't have time right now. Your schedule is overbooked. If she wants something specific, this may get her to reveal the truth before she arrives. You can take it from there.