DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of my teenage daughter has a lot of acne on her face. She seems to be in pain sometimes. We can tell because she picks at her face. My daughter told me that her mother complained that she is not using the acne cleanser that was prescribed for her. On top of that, my daughter says she thinks the real reason the acne is so bad is that her friend eats terribly. I have seen that she eats a lot of fried foods. Generally, I think her preferences are for white foods, like French fries and fried chicken nuggets and stuff like that. My daughter is worried about her friend and asked me if I could say anything to her or her mom about the effect that fried food has on the skin. I am reluctant to do that. Getting into people's business about their health and appearance can be tricky. How can I support my daughter without crossing that family's personal boundaries? -- Zit Phobia, Charlotte, North Carolina

DEAR ZIT PHOBIA: What you can do is talk to your daughter about healthy choices that she should make for her own body and skin. Encourage her to continue to eat healthy, clean food and to drink lots of water. Point out, too, that some people get acne even when they do eat well, because acne is in part a result of hormonal changes in the body that occur regardless of diet.

As far as her friend goes, tell her that you appreciate how much she wants to help her friend, but that this is not your business. Instead of looking at her friend in judgment, what she can do is subtly invite her to get some broccoli when they are getting food instead of going for the fries. Otherwise, encourage her to mind her own business. Perhaps her example of being a conscientious eater will rub off on her friend.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A former colleague looked me up recently and sent me an email saying that she was coming to town and would like to get together. I have to say I was taken aback at first. We were never friends, and I don't know that I want to see her. What I remember of our work relationship is that it was contentious. Part of me is curious as to why she wants to get together. But more, I have a busy life. I'm not sure I want to interrupt it to welcome her back in when she didn't behave well the first go-round. What should I do? -- Unwelcome Colleague, Jersey City, New Jersey

DEAR UNWELCOME COLLEAGUE: Rather than blowing her off completely, consider emailing her back to ask what she's coming in town to do and why she wants to get together. Yes, that can seem abrupt, but since you don't have the precedent of a friendly relationship, you might as well get clued in as to what her interests are.

If she keeps it vague, saying she just wants to catch up, you can tell her that's very nice, but you really don't have time right now. Your schedule is overbooked. If she wants something specific, this may get her to reveal the truth before she arrives. You can take it from there.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Tooth decay runs in my family. Nearly everybody who got to be 40 has ended up with dentures. I am the first one to retain most of my teeth. I have had a bunch of dental procedures, but so far, no dentures. I mention this because I have two children who have inherited poor dental habits even though I have been vigilant about my own teeth. I don't know what to do to get them to understand the repercussions if they do not start practicing better dental hygiene. -- Clean Mouth, Denver

DEAR CLEAN MOUTH: If you live near any of your family members and are close to them, ask them to help you out by coming over -- together, preferably -- and doing a reveal of their mouths. Ask them to show your children what happens when you don't take care of your teeth. That kind of "scared straight" approach has awakened people to the potential downside of poor habits.

Shy of agreement from your family on this, you can go online and show your children countless examples of photos of people with poor dental hygiene and the erosive results. You can also take away privileges if they refuse to brush and floss their teeth. Don't give up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: What is the right age to let girls wear makeup? I have a daughter in the fifth grade. Most of the girls are 10 and 11 years old. They are just beginning to take an interest in beauty. One of the girls has come to school a few times wearing lipstick -- not lip gloss. It was bright red. I thought it was inappropriate for her age. Obviously, she's not my child, but I am concerned about my daughter getting the wrong impression of what is right for her age. I don't want to speak poorly about this girl, but at the same time I want my daughter to be clear on what I think is appropriate. I currently allow her to wear colorless lip gloss, and that's it. She seems to be happy with that. -- Setting the Standards, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR SETTING THE STANDARDS: If your daughter is clear about the guidelines that you have set for her -- for now -- there is no reason for you to mention the girl with the lipstick at all. If your daughter brings it up, you can tell her that you do not approve of lipstick for children her age, but that you do understand that different families may have different values.

You may want to outline for yourself what your daughter will be allowed when she is 12, 13, 14, 15 and 16. This should include wearing makeup, wearing heels and dating. You have entered the space of puberty, and your daughter will benefit from understanding your expectations as she grows up. You don't need to tell her everything right now, but it is wise for you to think about the next few years so that you are ready when she asks the questions.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine just lost her father after a prolonged illness, and now her mother is ill. It's such a tragic story, it makes me sick. Her mom was the caregiver for years. Now that her husband is gone and she can finally relax, she falls ill and is in critical condition. My friend is beside herself in grief and worry. I don't know how to help her. What can I do? -- Dealing with Grief, Boston

DEAR DEALING WITH GRIEF: Be a friend to your friend by offering an attentive listening ear. If it sounds like she can use a break and can steal away for a bit, invite her over for dinner or a night out. Offer to support her in whatever ways work for you, especially while her mother is in critical condition.

While you cannot do a lot, just consistently letting your friend know that you love her and are available to support her should help her to feel less isolated through this difficult period.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I wrote something a bit insensitive in a text to a friend of mine about my 12-year-old son, and he ended up seeing it on my phone. I feel terrible. I would never intentionally hurt my boy, but he and I had had an argument and I was blowing off steam to my friend. When my son brought it up to me, I didn't know what to say, so I apologized. But I feel like I did exactly what I tell him not to do. Do not talk about people, period. How can I regain his trust? -- Broken Rules, Detroit

DEAR BROKEN RULES: In any situation with your son, what you need to look for is the teaching moment. So, you messed up. You did admit it, and you apologized. Now double back to your son and tell him you want to talk about it. Open the conversation by saying that you wanted to revisit the texting incident because you realize how bad it was. Tell him that part of the reason why you are able to set guidelines and boundaries is because you have learned from your own mistakes. Point out that you made one of the key mistakes that you have told him to avoid: reacting publicly in the moment when you are upset about something.

Ask him what advice he thinks you would give him if the tables were turned. What might he suggest that you do instead of what you did? Discuss his ideas openly and honestly. Come up with an agreement for how you both can handle intense feelings privately in the future. Your candor in this situation will help to build trust with your son if you remain open and honest about your behavior.