DEAR HARRIETTE: A new "friend" on Facebook has been posting like crazy of late and tagging me on a ton of her posts. While many of them are harmless, although not necessarily what I would post, some are a bit offensive. I have awakened several mornings to see a flurry of commentary from people about controversial postings that she has made and tagged to me. She has very few friends compared to my at-capacity list. I don't yet want to block her, but I do want her to be more discriminating when she includes me. It's almost as if she is using my expanded audience to build her own. I don't like that. What should I do about it? -- Slow Your Role, Washington, D.C.

DEAR SLOW YOUR ROLE: It's time to use a powerful Facebook feature -- the direct message. Go to her page, and on the upper right-hand corner, you will notice a tab that says MESSAGE. Click that and write to her. Tell her how you feel about her posting tags on your page, and ask her either to stop tagging you altogether or to be more discriminating. Tell her what you find offensive or inappropriate for your page. You can also point out that you do not accept the role of helping her build her audience through tagging. If she responds graciously, you can allow her to stay in your "friends" portfolio. If she continues to be too intrusive, you can block her from your page altogether.

Just be aware that it could all go south, and fast. Many people become extremely defensive when actually contacted by a "friend" rather than living anonymously in cyberspace. If this person goes to an extremely intense place, just "unfriend" her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son was invited to go away on spring break with one of his middle school friends. The mom insisted that the whole trip was a gift. She just wanted my son and another child to come along. I sent my boy with a couple hundred dollars just in case he might need it. He came home with all of the money. I'm wondering what I can do to express my gratitude for this family's generosity. I know it was an expensive trip. I don't ever want them to think of us as freeloaders. -- Saying Thanks, Albany, New York

DEAR SAYING THANKS: Here's a time when you should believe a parent for what he or she says. Chances are your child was invited to be company for their child. If they were going anyway, adding a child or even more than one was their prerogative and not necessarily exorbitantly expensive. But even if the trip was pricey, that was their call.

Rather than feeling guilty about accepting their generosity, do what you can on the homefront. You can start by having your son write a thank-you note to the child who invited him on the trip. Next, you can see if your son would like to develop more of a rapport with this kid outside of school -- play dates, sleepovers, etc. Very naturally, you can simply be an attentive parent and include this child in your family activities -- if both children are interested.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A woman I do not know just reached out to me per a mutual acquaintance's suggestion to see if I would help her in fundraising for her organization's new project. Huh? While her project sounds great, I am floored that this man put her in touch with me without bothering to find out if I was interested, or if it is even something that I have the skill to do. He just dumped this woman on me, and it became really awkward. I do not have the time or interest in her project, but I felt put-upon to figure out how to tell her without being dismissive or hurtful. Her project is valuable, but it isn't part of my agenda right now. I was able to extricate myself from her, but it was unnecessarily uncomfortable, and I feel resentful that this man put me in that position. Isn't there a better way to handle a situation like this from his perspective? And don't I have the right to call him to ask him why he set this up without my blessing? -- Caught in the Middle, New York City

DEAR CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE: When making referrals, especially when it involves asking someone to do something for someone, it is best to check with your contact first. Only after you find out that your contact is interested and available to accept the introduction or referral should you proceed.

What your mutual acquaintance did was inappropriate, and you are right to be concerned about it. It's good that you were able to be honest and gracious as you stepped out of this situation. And yes, you absolutely should follow up with your acquaintance to let him know that the way he handled the situation made for a mess. Do your best to stay calm throughout, but definitely let him know.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My next-door neighbor just inherited a lot of money after his father died, and he brags about it constantly. I'm not quite sure why he thinks he should tell everyone. Not only is it grating on my nerves to have to listen to him like a broken record, but I also worry that not everybody will have good intentions around him. We live in a modest, working-class neighborhood. I don't mean to say that people are necessarily thieves, but if they keep hearing about all this money, somebody might come looking for some. How can I get my neighbor to cool it? -- End Loose Lips, Dallas

DEAR END LOOSE LIPS: Pull your neighbor aside and have a chat. Tell him that you are happy for his windfall even though it is sad that his father passed. Then add that you want his permission to give you a little insight. Suggest that he stop talking about the money because, you never know, somebody might decide that some of it should be shared. If he doesn't get it, be more direct: Since you don't want anybody to steal your money, stop talking about it.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just turned 40, and I am having a bit of a hard time with this aging process. Almost to the day, I found out that I need reading glasses. I feel like my bones ache. I know this probably sounds silly or overly self-conscious or something, but I'm worried that now that I have reached this age, everything is falling apart. My life isn't at all as I had imagined it, that's for sure. I am not married. I do not have kids. I have an OK job, but that's not what I thought my life would be like when I was dreaming it up as a little girl. How can I be comfortable in my skin at this point? Please don't suggest that I take a class or anything corny like that. I just want to feel like my life still matters. -- Over the Hill, Detroit

DEAR OVER THE HILL: On the one hand, it is wise to assess your life at key moments. Turning 40 is one of them, for sure. Be kind to yourself in the process, though. Yes, the body changes as we age. Even more, our goals and dreams often don't match our accomplishments. That doesn't mean that your life is a wash. Step back and consider what you have done that makes you feel proud. Write it down so that you have tangible evidence of what your life means to you. If you also notice things that you want to change or do differently in the future, embrace those, too.

I found turning 40 to be empowering because I really felt like I was getting to know myself better. Instead of licking your wounds, choose to see your life up to now as a personal accomplishment. Then look to the future with conviction. You can be your best self. It's up to you what that means.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Two of my closest friends are moving away soon. When I say away, I mean really far. They are going to different countries. One friend's husband had been out of work for three years when he got an offer in the Middle East. He did the research, and it seems safe for the family. Given the bills they have with kids and all, they decided this was a smart move. The other got an offer in her field of interest, one she had never even thought about, and she decided to go for it. I am so happy for them. But I am sad for me. I used to talk to these women all the time and spend time with them on a regular basis. I feel like my network of support is slipping away. I doubt that I will be able to visit them. It is really expensive to travel internationally. In a way, I feel abandoned. What can I do to survive the departure of my friends? -- Alone, Cincinnati

DEAR ALONE: Instead of feeling left behind, do some research. How do you know it costs too much to visit your friends? Find out what the ticket price is, and start saving now. Maybe you make a trip once a year or every other year to visit them. Thanks to the Internet, you can stay connected in the here and now, even when they move. Will life be different? Yes, but you don't have to lose your friends.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)