DEAR HARRIETTE: My cellphone rang, and I answered it. The call came from a friend of mine -- I saw it on my caller ID. When I answered, I could hear her in the background, but I guess it was what people call a "butt dial" because she never came to the phone. I listened for a while and called out to see if I could get her attention. What I heard was disturbing. I'm not quite sure who she was talking to, but most of her conversation was badmouthing one of our mutual friends. Well, I'm not sure if this woman considers her a friend now after everything I heard. I was shocked at how vicious her words were. I feel like I should say something to her about what I heard. I was really upset hearing the horrible things she had to say. How can I go about this? -- What I Overheard, Dallas

DEAR WHAT I OVERHEARD: This is a tricky one. Before you call your friend, think about what you hope to accomplish. Yes, you can tell your friend that you overheard her commentary about your mutual friend and that it disturbed you. But what do you want to hear from her? Obviously, she meant it if she said it. Do you want to know why she feels this way about your friend? Who she was talking to? What she feels about you?

Get straight what your objective is so that you can be clear going in. If you mainly want your friend to know that it upset you to hear her speaking so negatively about this woman, you can say that. You can also ask that she never speak that way about you. Tell her that if she ever has issues with you, you hope she would bring them directly to you.

What you should not do is go to the other friend to report on this woman's rant. All that would do is to hurt feelings. The exception would be if this woman said things that could seriously hurt the other friend's reputation.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbor's son was arrested recently, and I'm pretty sure he is going to prison. The word is that he committed a serious crime. I feel so sorry for my neighbor. She hasn't mentioned a thing to me about it, even though we speak fairly regularly. I want to be there to support her, but I don't want to get in her business. How can I help her? -- Being a Friend, Jacksonville, Florida

DEAR BEING A FRIEND: Without asking her anything about her son, you can contact her and just check in. If you two generally talk to each other, make this overture like any other. Ask her if she would like to get together.

Let her do the talking. If she brings up her son, listen to see what she has to say. Ask her how you can be of support to her during this time. If she does not mention him, simply ask her how she's doing. If she reveals nothing, do not press her. Just be available to listen if she chooses to tell you what's happening in her life.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: It's tax time again, and I feel like an idiot. I know that every year we have to do taxes, but somehow I never get it together on time. So here we are again, and I have not done a single thing to get ready. In the past, I have basically just hidden in a sense, until the IRS came looking for me. I want to do better this year, even though I'm starting out late. What can I do? -- Afraid of Uncle Sam, Baltimore

DEAR AFRAID OF UNCLE SAM: Start by filing a request for an extension. This alerts the IRS that you know you are late and intend to get your papers in order and sent in. Since getting your taxes together is not your strong suit, I recommend you hire an accountant to help you. This service does not have to be expensive, but ultimately, it can save you time and money.

Gather up all of your papers -- a W-2 form if you have an employer, bank records, mortgage or rent bills, utility bills and any other bills or expenses you may have -- so that you are ready to present everything to an accountant. For a list of what you need to get ready, go to taxes.about.com/od/findataxpreparer/a/documents.htm.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband bought me a computer for my birthday, and I was so happy at first. I have needed a new computer for years. It turns out, though, that I think he really bought it for himself. Whenever I want to use it, he is already on it. Never mind the fact that he has his own computer. This is so frustrating. I can't figure out how to wrestle my new computer out of his hands. Should I just give it to him and call it a day? I'm beginning to feel like the gift was really for him in the first place, even though he said it was for me. -- Need to Sign On, Seattle

DEAR NEED TO SIGN ON: Maybe your husband doesn't realize that he's hogging your computer. In a kind and direct way, you must remind him. Talk to him when he is not using the computer, but when he is fully awake and paying attention. At that moment, thank him again for getting you the computer. Then ask him if he is willing to give it back to you. Note that he has been using it almost exclusively since he brought it home. Tell him that you really appreciate that he bought it for you and that you want to be able to use it.

If he acts surprised, kindly point out to him that he has been so enraptured with your computer that you haven't really had a chance to use it. Hopefully, this will make him realize what he's doing and actually give you your gift. Good luck!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter, who is only 8 years old, has begun to have serious underarm odor. She is athletic, which may account for this. But I was shocked to discover that she smelled like an adult after a long day without deodorant. I am afraid that she is heading toward puberty more quickly than I can manage, or that something else may be wrong with her. How should I deal with this? And if it continues, is it safe to have her wear deodorant? -- Got a Whiff, Denver

DEAR GOT A WHIFF: Many children's bodies begin to develop as early as 8 years old. I know that's not what you want to hear, but it is increasingly true. In order to determine where your daughter fits in her own personal development, you must visit her pediatrician. Explain the underarm odor as well as any other changes that are noticeable in her body or her behavior. The doctor will conduct a thorough examination and likely be able to tell you if puberty is near.

You should also consult the doctor about how to remedy the odor. Of course, you should teach your daughter proper hygiene. At that age, many parents oversee their children's bathing. You can teach her how to scrub her armpits with soap to get them as clean as possible. Her doctor may recommend a natural deodorant. What you want to avoid is an antiperspirant.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My family is vegetarian. It is a decision my husband and I made long before we had children. Our children are completely comfortable with our food choices. A question came up recently with my son's school friends. He invited two friends over for a sleepover to celebrate his birthday. When it came time for dinner, even though these boys know how we eat, they started asking for meat and got pretty loud about it. I made them pasta and vegetables. I really thought they got disrespectful, but I wasn't sure how to handle the situation. I held my ground and let them know what the meal was. I did not reprimand them for their behavior because I didn't want to risk alienating them from my son. What else could I have done? We don't eat meat, and I didn't want to serve it in my house. -- Drawing a Line, Syracuse, New York

DEAR DRAWING A LINE: Every family has values and guidelines it follows. The fact that you made it clear in advance how your family eats means that these children should have been prepared to follow your guidelines. A gentle reminder should have been all that was necessary.

The fact that they behaved disrespectfully toward you is not something to sweep under the rug, though. You should talk to your son about the behavior and gauge how he feels about it. I hope that he would have found it rude and that he would want to say something to his friends about how they spoke to you. What's important is for your son to learn that his friends should treat his parents with respect. Otherwise, they really are not being the kinds of friends that you want him to have.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)