DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife and I do not agree on how to start our day, and it is becoming a problem. She likes to turn on the TV the moment she wakes up so she can see the morning news. As a result, the TV is on through breakfast. She often doesn't even remember to turn it off as she goes out the door. Apart from how distracting that is for us in terms of having a morning conversation, it also makes it hard for our children to stay focused when they are eating breakfast. I have brought this up countless times, and my wife just brushes me off. She doesn't even notice that they are sometimes late for school. How can I get her to consider changing this behavior? -- Turn It Off, Philadelphia

DEAR TURN IT OFF: Have a private talk with your wife during a neutral time. Face-to-face, without distraction, tell her that you are very concerned about the habits that the children are forming due to her insistence that the TV be on in the morning. Point out that they often take too long to eat, get to school late and do not start the day engaging directly with the two of you because the TV looms too large.

Challenge her to a week without morning TV. Assess how well it goes for everyone, and then encourage her to keep it up, with a maximum of one morning a week, if she just can't help herself.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend is a complete slob. I really don't know how she got to be so messy, but it's out of control now. The last time I visited her, I could hardly get in the door because she had so much stuff piled up. Her house smelled like old food, and I could tell that she has rodents. It is really awful, and I'm worried about her. I had the thought that I should call that show "Hoarders" and see if it would do an intervention for her. Maybe something that extreme might get her to reconsider how she keeps her house. My husband thinks that's a crazy idea. What do you think? -- Time to Clean Up, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR TIME TO CLEAN UP: I'm with your husband. Do not humiliate your friend by calling a TV show to rescue her. I do not think that is an effective way to support her, even though she is in a stressful place in her life. My research about hoarding suggests that this is a form of OCD, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and, not surprisingly, that it is extremely hard to address effectively.

That said, given that you love your friend and want the best for her, you may want to start by offering to help her tidy her home. If you have the stomach for it, and she allows you in, you may be able to spend a bit of time with her going through some of the things that really need to go as you talk to her. If you are able to get her to consider getting some help to talk about what's going on in her life, that would be a gift to her. Seeing a psychiatrist who specializes in OCD and hoarding would give her a chance to be able to see what her choices mean for her life right now. Awareness is the first step in making any kind of change in life. For more information on hoarding, visit ocd.about.com/od/typesofocd/a/Hoarding.htm.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I started an exercise regimen last year and was doing pretty well, walking almost 10 miles a day. And then the winter came. Despite my best intentions, I slacked off dramatically. I ended up gaining back almost all the weight I had lost, and I'm kind of sad about that. Now that spring is here, I want to start my regimen again, but I'm worried it won't work. How can I get motivated to stay on course? -- Get Fit, Syracuse, New York

DEAR GET FIT: Many people get into a similar rut. Warm weather can make it easier for you to get motivated. Rather than worrying about what happens after summer, get moving now. If walking was once your thing, start walking again. Build up to 10,000 steps per day, which is recommended by the American Heart Association for everyone. If you are up for it, add other aerobic activities. You may want to consider hiring a trainer to help you get started. If you have any friends who may want to walk with you, enlist them. This will help you to keep up your activity, even when you don't feel like it.

Once you have established a rhythm, add an indoor physical activity so that when the weather does change, you already have established an exercise program that will keep you going.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband's family lives far away, and we get to visit them only once a year. He has cousins who live kind of close to my family, a few states away from us. We used to go visit those cousins when we traveled to see my mom. In recent years, we haven't been in touch with them at all. I feel somewhat responsible for this because when we go home, I often just want to hang with my parents and siblings. Time doesn't seem to last long enough to see everybody. My husband never mentions it, so I just forgot. This year, I remembered them and thought we should make an effort to include them in our next trip. The thing is, they really don't know my family, so rather than trying to organize a group activity, I think it's best to do something separate. How can I organize this without making it a hassle? -- Engaging Family, Raleigh, North Carolina

DEAR ENGAGING FAMILY: Making a conscious effort to include all of your family members in regular get-togethers is a wonderful way to stay connected. Rather than bemoaning what you did not do in the past, it's great for you to figure out a way to see your husband's extended family more regularly now.

By all means, when you plan your next trip, set aside a day that you will spend with these other relatives. Contact them in advance and find out if they will be available, and then see if you can go visit them. Over time, you may discover that your two families will enjoy spending time together. One step at a time.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my best friends wants to get a tummy tuck, and she is intent upon doing it this spring. Being someone who has had a lot of non-elective surgery, I am reluctant to even consider going under the knife when it isn't needed. Naturally, I think this is a horrible idea. But another reason I don't like it at all is that my friend is overweight. We don't talk about that so much, but I just don't see how she thinks that getting belly fat cut out is going to solve her problems. Everything I have read suggests that the fat will just fill right back in if you don't actually lose weight. Should I say this to her or just step aside and let her do what she wants? -- Having Her Back, Chicago

DEAR HAVING HER BACK: Your personal concerns about elective surgery aside, you do have a point about the lasting effects of a tummy tuck when a person is overweight. My research suggests that anyone with a body mass index above 30 should not consider this type of surgery. Chances are her surgeon has told her the same thing. Yet many women who are slightly overweight get this surgery on a regular basis. While it does not make them slim, it can flatten out their bellies.

My recommendation would be to step aside. Your friend is working with a doctor who should know the parameters for safely conducting this surgery. You should address the issue only if your friend asks your opinion. Otherwise, just be there to support her recovery should she need it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: When I was growing up, my mom taught me how to cook at a very early age. My husband is reluctant to let me teach my 8-year-old how to cook because he's worried she will cut herself or burn the kitchen. Obviously, we need to have guidelines, including always having adult supervision during cooking, but I want to get started now. How can I assure my husband that we will be careful? -- Ready to Cook, Tallahassee, Florida

DEAR READY TO COOK: You can get child-size kitchen tools that are made for smaller hands and that have safety features built in. You can also set up kitchen rules with your daughter that outline what she is allowed to do. You may want to invite your husband to join you two in the kitchen so that he can observe how you will work together.

Your husband is not wrong in being cautious about your daughter using knives and heat. Assure him that you will teach her how to be safe in the kitchen. Many children begin to learn how to help out in the kitchen and ultimately become competent cooks when they start young. You just have to make sure that you take one step at a time, introducing more challenging skills as your daughter grows up.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)