DEAR HARRIETTE: The daughter of one of my neighbors is a drug addict. I know that's a strong thing to say about someone, but not only do I see it in all of her erratic behavior, I also have talked to her mother about it. The police have had to come to the building several times when she was high and acting out. It's kind of scary. Even though she is a young woman who should seem unassuming, she acts crazy when she's in a certain mindset. As I was entering my building the other day, she was there and tried to get me to let her in. It was awkward because obviously I know her. I couldn't figure out how to not let her in the door. After that, she banged on her parents' door for a half-hour. She comes banging at any time of the day or night. Other people have called the police when this happens. I don't really want to do that, but I'm not sure what to do. She brings a new definition to disturbing the peace. -- What to Do, Bronx, New York

DEAR WHAT TO DO: Start with the mother. Since she has confided in you in the past, go back to her and check in. Ask her how she is managing. This has got to be devastating for her. Find out what she does when her daughter comes barging into the building. Tell her that you are concerned about the safety of the building, and you want to know what she can suggest to help keep things calm.

Since the mom is in the middle of what probably feels like a firestorm, she may be marginally helpful. You are going to have to make the tough decision to report this young woman if things get too bad. If you get to the point where you feel unsafe, engage the police. By the way, you can do so anonymously.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have to sell my parents' home. My dad died a few years ago, and my mom lives in an assisted-living community now. I have talked to a few Realtors and am having a hard time making a decision. I don't live in their town, so I'm handling this from afar. We have a family friend who is a Realtor who has been lobbying hard to sell the house. Then I got recommendations for two other professionals. Whoever sells it needs to be able to handle things well and hopefully get us a good price. How can I decide who to choose? -- Friend or Stranger, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR FRIEND OR STRANGER: Do some research on the potential sellers. Find out who has successfully sold in your parents' neighborhood. Learn what each of their most recent sales has been -- the going price and location. Talk to each of them, and get a feel for who you are comfortable talking to. The reality is that you have to trust this Realtor. Sometimes friends can be good in that role, but it's more important to select someone who shares your vision for how to sell this property. If it ends up not being your friend, simply let your friend know what you have decided. That is your right.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have three nephews who are in the armed forces. They joined because that was the only way they could get a college education. Well, and for one of them, his parents thought it would be good discipline for him. He had been getting into all kinds of trouble during high school. So far, so good. They have served several tours of duty in the Middle East, and that worries their parents and the rest of the family.

I am bringing this up because I have a son who is of the age to go to college, work or the military. He wants to be like his cousins. I want to be supportive, but the possibility of him being sent to war worries me. I want to be patriotic and in his corner, but I am conflicted. How can I calm myself? -- Making a Choice, Dallas

DEAR MAKING A CHOICE: Talk to your son and have him share his interests with you -- unfiltered. Just listen to him express his goals and dreams. Find out if he has talked to his cousins about their decisions. If not, suggest that he reach out to them to get insider thoughts on their experiences.

Share your concerns with him about his safety. It is natural for you to worry. At the same time, this could be a great opportunity for him. Review the pros and cons with him. Ultimately, let him make the decision. If he decides to enlist, continue to actively stay in touch with him, offering your love, support and prayers. You may want to join a support group of parents of people in the military.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a new suitor. I know that sounds old-fashioned, but I am that kind of girl. I had been married for 45 years when my husband died. He has been gone for several years now, and a man from my retirement home has been asking me to dinner and such. At first, I wasn't sure how to react. I was married for so long, I didn't have any thoughts about dating, especially at my age. He is quite the gentleman, which I certainly appreciate. There's one thing that I am not sure how to handle. He likes to bring me flowers. This is such a lovely gesture, but I am allergic. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I can't keep accepting them. I can never keep them in my apartment because they make me sneeze. How can I tell him without hurting his feelings? -- Budding Love, Cincinnati

DEAR BUDDING LOVE: How wonderful that you are enjoying the attention of a suitor at this stage in your life. You both deserve the joy and wonder that can come from such a bond.

You should have no reason to delay informing your suitor of your allergies. There's no way he would be expected to know that you are unable to tolerate flowers. Just tell him that as much as you appreciate the gesture, it is hard for you to enjoy the flowers because they make you sneeze. If you have something else that you would like as a gift, you might share that with him. For example, do you like chocolates or books or something else?

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter has the option of taking French or Spanish in her sixth-grade class. Almost everybody in my husband's family speaks Spanish, so I recommended that she take that language. But she has decided that she wants to take French instead. I regret that I didn't learn Spanish. I took French, and while it is a perfectly fine language, I think she can do more with Spanish, including being able to talk to some of her dad's older relatives. She has dug in her heels. What can I do to change her mind? -- Change the Language, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR CHANGE THE LANGUAGE: Your daughter is attempting to walk in your footsteps, at least for now. Stop fighting with her, and let her make this choice. It is not too late for her to learn Spanish as well. In many countries, people can speak many languages.

Your daughter can also learn different words and sayings as she spends time with her family. You can encourage her to ask them to teach her Spanish in the way that they know it.

If your daughter gains a love of language, it may extend more broadly than you can imagine today. Do not limit her. Encourage her to learn them all. And since you know some French, don't be shy. Study it with her and converse with her. This can be a lovely bonding experience for you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband's insurance just changed, and I learned that one of my main doctors is no longer covered on his insurance. I am so angry. My husband pays good money for this insurance, and I don't understand why we are in this position. The administrator told me we can ask for reimbursements, but these bills can get pretty high out of pocket. Should I just go ahead and change to somebody else? I don't know what to do. -- Over a Barrel, Racine, Wisconsin

DEAR OVER A BARREL: Talk to your doctor's billing office to see if any adjustments can be made to work with you and this new insurance. Next, talk to your insurance company to see how much they will reimburse you for the various services you receive from this doctor. This will give you a concrete understanding of what you will owe. Finally, ask your doctor for a referral. Though he may not want to lose you as a patient, he has to understand that you may not be able to afford to stay there. If your doctor has any integrity, he should be willing to recommend you to another doctor who is in your new system.

If he turns out to be unwilling, go to your new carrier's list of physicians and interview potential new doctors until you feel comfortable making the switch.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)