DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned that another friend of mine has cancer. I am going crazy. It feels like every day I learn about somebody else who is battling this hateful disease. I really don't have the fortitude to be there for all of my friends who are suffering right now. It literally feels like it is crippling me -- and I am not sick, at least not to my knowledge. How can I balance being a good friend and carving out space to not be bogged down by disease and sadness? -- Gotta Go, Detroit

DEAR GOTTA GO: Years ago, one of my mother's friends was taking care of her husband, who was enduring an extremely long and painful illness. I'll never forget that she took a trip once a year to various ports of call. At first I thought it was strange, but then I realized this was how she kept her sanity. She needed to fill her proverbial cup, not just cater to him -- even though he was her spouse.

You must do things for yourself through this dark period. Sadly, people do pass away in our lives, and sometimes the illnesses that take them out can be devastating to observe and support them through.

Do not feel guilty for not being God. Manage your time with your friends. Do your best to let each of them know that you care about them and that you will do whatever you can to be of support. But put limits on that support. Let them know when you have to go away or when you need downtime. Stop being on call 24 hours a day. You can do that in sprints, but not long-term. The clearer you are about your schedule and your abilities, the easier it will be for everyone around you -- sick and healthy -- to manage their expectations of you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in an apartment building with pretty thin walls. There is always noise coming from somewhere. Recently, an upstairs neighbor started singing every afternoon, around the same time I come home from work. And you guessed it -- she can't sing a lick! Plus, she is loud as all get-out. It's nuts. I know it is her right to sing, but I can't find a moment of peace now, what with hearing her acting like she's about to go on stage. What can I do? -- Killing Me Loudly, Bronx, New York

DEAR KILLING ME LOUDLY: You can make a detour on your way home from work and buy a white noise machine. This should help diminish the sound of the noise coming from above. You can also delay your arrival by doing something fun. If you show up later, you may miss the concert and discover a new hobby at the same time.

If she persists past your breaking point, you can knock on her door and very kindly ask her if she could put a rug on the floor that's directly above you so that it can absorb some of the sound that's permeating your home.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my old friends just told me that he has moved to Brazil. He went there for vacation a couple of months ago, but he just can't seem to leave. I am so happy for him. He was not working a full-time gig at the time and figured, why not clear his head? He has asked me to join him for a vacation this summer to check it out and either just hang out, or even consider moving there, too. I am pretty much a chicken. I might consider going for vacation, but I don't want to move out of the country. Do you think it's wise for me to go for a visit, considering that I love my life back at home? What should I tell my friend? -- Need a Vacay, Los Angeles

DEAR NEED A VACAY: Your friend had his life's agenda, as you have your own. You should feel perfectly comfortable getting on a plane and heading to Brazil for some much-needed rest and relaxation. Because your friend knows the lay of the land, he will be able to ensure that you both have a fantastic time.

Go with the intention of seeing the country, its people and all of its beauty. Choose to savor each moment and learn about the dynamic cultural treasures that Brazil has to offer. Feel no pressure to move there. If your friend starts pushing, remind him that his dream is different from yours.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have one child who is very smart. He does well in all of his classes and always has. Now that he's a teenager, though, he is satisfied with decent grades and isn't striving for the best. He says he's doing OK -- A's and B's -- but he can't study more because of sports and his girlfriend, etc. I told him I think he should adjust his priorities. I do want him to have a well-rounded life, but if he really applies himself now, he can probably get a scholarship and a chance at the best colleges out there. He isn't really listening. Do you think I should lighten up, or what? -- Seeing the Future, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR SEEING THE FUTURE: Rather than chastising your teen, which never works anyway, consider talking to him about his future. Talk about his hopes and dreams. Ask him to describe how he sees his life in five or 10 years. Ask him about his passions. Encourage him to dream about his future and be specific about what he sees in it. By helping him to focus on the life he will build for himself, you create space for him to consider how to get there.

Having A's and B's with an active social life, by the way, is pretty good. He may be striking an appropriate balance for his life. You can support him by guiding his thoughts to the life he will soon command.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am interested in creating a partnership with my college and the local business that surrounds my school. I want to create a bridge between the two intuitions to help make future employment for graduating students in the field of their study. I am trying to figure out who to talk to and make this dream of mine come to fruition. I know it is a monumental task, but I believe it is possible. -- Building a Bridge, Manhattan, New York

DEAR BUILDING A BRIDGE: Theoretically, this is a great idea. One way to start is to figure out synergies. What type of employment opportunities does the local business have? Build a relationship with the business so that you are clear about what they would value. See if they would be open for internships as a start, leading to full-time employment. With that information in tow, go to your school administration with your pitch to build this relationship. If you have all of the information organized and available to review, you create the best opportunity for the administration officials to consider the option seriously. Once you pique their interest, suggest that you set up a meeting between the business owner and the school administrator to make the connection. If the meeting goes well, be sure to continue to be part of the process. Perhaps you can be the administrator of the relationship and receive a fee for your good work. Good luck!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have hired a baby sitter for my son ever since he was born. He is now 6 years old. I never reported this to the IRS because I wrote a check. I didn't pay illegally. Now I have learned that I am supposed to report it. My son's baby sitter is upset because it means she will have less take-home pay, but I don't want to have a problem with the government. What should I do? -- Paying Taxes, Jersey City, New Jersey

DEAR PAYING TAXES: It is true that your baby sitter should be paying income taxes on the money she earns while taking care of your son. Let her know that you want to abide by the law. If you have the resources and are able to give her additional income to lessen the blow of paying part of her salary to taxes, by all means do so. Consider whatever bonus you normally give her as going toward taxes as you consider your options. Give the baby sitter the choice of agreeing to pay taxes. If she refuses, let her know that you will need to look for another person to care for your child.

While this may seem extremely difficult for both of you and for your son, it is the right thing to do. You do not want to get into a legal challenge with the IRS. You will lose.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)