life

Woman Wants to Buy Insurance for Daughter

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 30th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been married for five years, and my husband and I just had a baby. We are so excited, especially since it took us a few years to have this child. Our daughter is beautiful, and we could not be happier. The challenge is that my husband only wants to think about the "right now." I think we need to get life insurance so that if anything happens to us, our baby would be provided for. It has become a sore spot for us. It feels like we have argued until the cows come home. He just doesn't believe in insurance. I could see if we had a bunch of money socked away, but we don't have that, either. I don't want to disrespect my husband, but I do want to provide for my daughter. I have a job. Do you think it would be defiant to buy insurance anyway? -- Protecting My Child, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR PROTECTING MY CHILD: Too bad you didn't discuss this aspect of family planning and values before you got married. Some people don't believe in insurance, but as you pointed out, if you don't have a contingency plan -- meaning growing money in the bank, aka investments, you put your family in a precarious position should the unthinkable happen.

You should continue the conversation with your husband about family planning -- not just insurance, but how many children you intend to have, what type of education you want to provide for them, where you want to live, how you will pay for any upgrades in your lifestyle, etc. As for insurance, you have the absolute right to purchase it on your own. You can even buy a policy for your husband. You simply pay for them and keep them in a safe place, should you ever need to use them.

Family & ParentingMoney
life

Millennial Employees Fail At The Job

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 30th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have just fired the third "millennial" that I have hired in the past year. I feel horrible. I want to work with young people, and I understand how important it is to pay it forward to the next generation. These young people showed up to work late every day with no explanation. They gave me attitude when I questioned them about their lateness. And they turned their work in sporadically. I really don't know how to get the message across about traditional work ethic. Can you help? -- Millenially Stumped, Chicago

DEAR MILLENIALLY STUMPED: In your next interviews with millenials -- or anybody else -- talk values. Ask the interviewee about what he thinks is important in his life. Listen to his interests and goals. As you talk about the responsibilities of the job you are offering, listen to hear if there is genuine interest. Then outline what is important to you in an employee -- everything from timeliness to appropriate office attire to commitment to completion of projects.

Many young people have witnessed their parents and others move from job to job without any sense of job security. I believe this has inspired young people to put themselves one step ahead and choose not to stay long on a job or get too attached. A balance needs to be struck between independence and commitment. You can be part of that conversation.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Etiquette & EthicsWork & School
life

Toddler Enrolling in School Should Have Fun

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 28th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is 3 years old and has just started the horrible testing process to get admitted into New York City schools. I can't believe how intense it is for little children to be considered for independent schools. To get into charter schools mainly requires a lottery, which is even more random. I so want my son to go to a great school, but I don't want to stress him out in the process. What can I do to calm myself so that I don't get him upset? -- On the Education Tightrope, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR ON THE EDUCATION TIGHTROPE: I remember when my daughter was in this position, and it was unbelievably stressful for us as parents. What we did was to talk out of earshot of her about our anxieties. We also reached out for tips from as many families as we knew who had already gone through the process. We identified what our catchment school would be -- the public school to which we were zoned -- so that we would know where our daughter would be going if we didn't get in anywhere else. This served as a reality check.

We did not get coaching, but some families do hire coaches to support their children in test-taking. I thought that was a bit extreme for a 3-year-old, but it has worked for some people. Mainly, we encouraged our daughter to have fun in the interviews. We decided if she did not receive a 97 on a school test that didn't mean she wasn't smart. You have to manage your expectations because the stakes are so high.

Family & ParentingWork & School
life

Hire Private Detective To Find Missing Friend

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 28th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my good friends moved a few months ago to his hometown, but he didn't leave any forwarding information. He is an older guy, and I can't find him anywhere. For years he would call me every weekend to check in. This became a routine for us, and I became accustomed to it. Sometimes he would miss a week or so, but he always came back around. This time is different. His cellphone is turned off. I don't know what house he moved to or anything. I am so worried that something terrible has happened to him. How can I find him? -- Missing My Friend, Pensacola, Florida

DEAR MISSING MY FRIEND: If you know the town where he went, start by contacting the local police department to see if he is listed as a missing person or if they have any record of your friend. Call all of your mutual friends as well as any family members or other people you can remember him talking about over the years.

As difficult as this will be, you should also contact the local morgue. That's hard to accept, but considering that he is older and missing, this may be a possibility.

You can also hire a private detective to help find your friend. These professionals know how to do a thorough search and may be able to help you.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Friends & NeighborsDeathHealth & Safety
life

Friend Wants to Address Man With Bad Breath

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 27th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who used to work with me, and I ran into him the other day. He has terrible bad breath. I find it so strange because otherwise he is a super neat and clean guy. He's a gym rat. He is super buff and pays close attention to himself. That's why I just don't get it. I don't have a clue as to how to address this with him. It's such a personal issue, and I don't know how to approach him about it. Should I say something or just leave it alone? -- Halitosis Alert, Racine, Wisconsin

DEAR HALITOSIS ALERT: Dealing with bad breath seems to be an ongoing issue for so many people. I have spoken to several dentists and medical doctors over the years about it, and they typically come up with the same points. Halitosis can be caused by a variety of issues, including everything from not brushing your teeth well enough to periodontal disease to more concerning diseases within the body.

Because this condition could be a sign of a serious health concern, it could be worth mentioning to your friend. If you feel close enough to him to make the effort, start out by telling him you want to talk about a very personal subject. Ask for his permission to proceed. If he agrees, tell him that you have noticed over the years that he sometimes had a sour smell on his breath, and you want to suggest that he check it out in case it is a sign of something serious. Leave it at that.

Friends & NeighborsEtiquette & EthicsHealth & Safety
life

Reader Doesn't Agree With Friend's Gun Stance

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | March 27th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who keeps weapons in her home. She lives in the country and told me she feels strongly about having protection against wild animals and that it's just part of the culture there. I get her position, but I live in the city, and I have seen way too much gun violence that has unnecessarily killed countless young people. We strongly disagree on this topic. How do you continue to talk to someone about a sensitive subject when you do not share views? -- Anti-Guns, Chicago

DEAR ANTI-GUNS: I think the time to keep the dialogue going is when you have opposing views. If you can agree to talk civilly about your beliefs, you may both come to an understanding of the pros and cons of both sides of this volatile issue.

My belief is that extremes of any kind seldom steer you in the right direction. On this subject, there are valid reasons for people to own and use guns. Obviously, there are also real dangers when guns are in the wrong hands. That includes everyone from people who commit crimes to trigger-happy law enforcement officials to children.

It's the middle ground that is worth discussing. Where does that exist between the right to bear arms and the right to feel safe in your neighborhood and home? Start talking.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Health & SafetyFriends & Neighbors

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