DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is 3 years old and has just started the horrible testing process to get admitted into New York City schools. I can't believe how intense it is for little children to be considered for independent schools. To get into charter schools mainly requires a lottery, which is even more random. I so want my son to go to a great school, but I don't want to stress him out in the process. What can I do to calm myself so that I don't get him upset? -- On the Education Tightrope, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR ON THE EDUCATION TIGHTROPE: I remember when my daughter was in this position, and it was unbelievably stressful for us as parents. What we did was to talk out of earshot of her about our anxieties. We also reached out for tips from as many families as we knew who had already gone through the process. We identified what our catchment school would be -- the public school to which we were zoned -- so that we would know where our daughter would be going if we didn't get in anywhere else. This served as a reality check.

We did not get coaching, but some families do hire coaches to support their children in test-taking. I thought that was a bit extreme for a 3-year-old, but it has worked for some people. Mainly, we encouraged our daughter to have fun in the interviews. We decided if she did not receive a 97 on a school test that didn't mean she wasn't smart. You have to manage your expectations because the stakes are so high.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my good friends moved a few months ago to his hometown, but he didn't leave any forwarding information. He is an older guy, and I can't find him anywhere. For years he would call me every weekend to check in. This became a routine for us, and I became accustomed to it. Sometimes he would miss a week or so, but he always came back around. This time is different. His cellphone is turned off. I don't know what house he moved to or anything. I am so worried that something terrible has happened to him. How can I find him? -- Missing My Friend, Pensacola, Florida

DEAR MISSING MY FRIEND: If you know the town where he went, start by contacting the local police department to see if he is listed as a missing person or if they have any record of your friend. Call all of your mutual friends as well as any family members or other people you can remember him talking about over the years.

As difficult as this will be, you should also contact the local morgue. That's hard to accept, but considering that he is older and missing, this may be a possibility.

You can also hire a private detective to help find your friend. These professionals know how to do a thorough search and may be able to help you.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who used to work with me, and I ran into him the other day. He has terrible bad breath. I find it so strange because otherwise he is a super neat and clean guy. He's a gym rat. He is super buff and pays close attention to himself. That's why I just don't get it. I don't have a clue as to how to address this with him. It's such a personal issue, and I don't know how to approach him about it. Should I say something or just leave it alone? -- Halitosis Alert, Racine, Wisconsin

DEAR HALITOSIS ALERT: Dealing with bad breath seems to be an ongoing issue for so many people. I have spoken to several dentists and medical doctors over the years about it, and they typically come up with the same points. Halitosis can be caused by a variety of issues, including everything from not brushing your teeth well enough to periodontal disease to more concerning diseases within the body.

Because this condition could be a sign of a serious health concern, it could be worth mentioning to your friend. If you feel close enough to him to make the effort, start out by telling him you want to talk about a very personal subject. Ask for his permission to proceed. If he agrees, tell him that you have noticed over the years that he sometimes had a sour smell on his breath, and you want to suggest that he check it out in case it is a sign of something serious. Leave it at that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who keeps weapons in her home. She lives in the country and told me she feels strongly about having protection against wild animals and that it's just part of the culture there. I get her position, but I live in the city, and I have seen way too much gun violence that has unnecessarily killed countless young people. We strongly disagree on this topic. How do you continue to talk to someone about a sensitive subject when you do not share views? -- Anti-Guns, Chicago

DEAR ANTI-GUNS: I think the time to keep the dialogue going is when you have opposing views. If you can agree to talk civilly about your beliefs, you may both come to an understanding of the pros and cons of both sides of this volatile issue.

My belief is that extremes of any kind seldom steer you in the right direction. On this subject, there are valid reasons for people to own and use guns. Obviously, there are also real dangers when guns are in the wrong hands. That includes everyone from people who commit crimes to trigger-happy law enforcement officials to children.

It's the middle ground that is worth discussing. Where does that exist between the right to bear arms and the right to feel safe in your neighborhood and home? Start talking.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am frustrated. I was certain that at this point in my life, my middle 50s, that I would "have it all together" -- I would have a lot of money saved and basically have a so-called "good life." Instead, here I am, recently laid off from my job, with no man and no money. I feel like such a failure. I know that nobody wants to hear this, but I don't know what to do. I can't even figure out how I got in this situation in the first place. I went to college and was on a good track, but it just hasn't worked out so well. I feel like I may need to change my career entirely. But I feel like it's too late to start over. I don't want to give up, but I'm at a loss for ideas. -- Clueless, Detroit

DEAR CLUELESS: While it is true that ageism is an unfortunate reality in our youth-driven culture, you cannot allow yourself to sink into a slump. It can be incredibly difficult to climb out of that place. Instead, think about your options. If you could dream a new reality for yourself right now, what would it look like? What would you do to earn money if you could do anything you want? Make a list so that you can examine it soberly to see what makes sense in your life.

If you discover that you need more education in order to reach that goal, go for it. I know many middle-aged folks who have decided to go back to school as they plan to reset their lives. The great news is, there are many online programs that allow you to matriculate comfortably from wherever you live. There also are many scholarships and grant opportunities for people who are looking to continue their education -- even when they are older students. Go for it. Make the first step toward making a dream come true. Dream it and do it!

DEAR HARRIETTE: In recent weeks, I have learned about way too many people dying or becoming ill. It has made me realize that I work too much and see my friends too rarely. If I really look at it, I am embarrassed by how rarely I get together with people I genuinely love. I want to change this, but I'm afraid that I will go back to my old ways in a blink, because I do have a lot of responsibilities. Can you recommend a strategy for me to be a better, closer friend to my loved ones? I don't want to be that person who died on the job without making time for the people who matter. -- Changing My Ways, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR CHANGING MY WAYS: Great question that likely resonates with most of us! In the way that many people keep a calendar that lists their responsibilities for the day, week or month, you can incorporate contacting specific loved ones into that schedule. Write in, "Call Mom," or "Schedule lunch with hometown friends." Make meeting up with loved ones as important as paying your bills or getting to work on time. Check off each appointment when you complete it.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)