DEAR HARRIETTE: I am frustrated. I was certain that at this point in my life, my middle 50s, that I would "have it all together" -- I would have a lot of money saved and basically have a so-called "good life." Instead, here I am, recently laid off from my job, with no man and no money. I feel like such a failure. I know that nobody wants to hear this, but I don't know what to do. I can't even figure out how I got in this situation in the first place. I went to college and was on a good track, but it just hasn't worked out so well. I feel like I may need to change my career entirely. But I feel like it's too late to start over. I don't want to give up, but I'm at a loss for ideas. -- Clueless, Detroit

DEAR CLUELESS: While it is true that ageism is an unfortunate reality in our youth-driven culture, you cannot allow yourself to sink into a slump. It can be incredibly difficult to climb out of that place. Instead, think about your options. If you could dream a new reality for yourself right now, what would it look like? What would you do to earn money if you could do anything you want? Make a list so that you can examine it soberly to see what makes sense in your life.

If you discover that you need more education in order to reach that goal, go for it. I know many middle-aged folks who have decided to go back to school as they plan to reset their lives. The great news is, there are many online programs that allow you to matriculate comfortably from wherever you live. There also are many scholarships and grant opportunities for people who are looking to continue their education -- even when they are older students. Go for it. Make the first step toward making a dream come true. Dream it and do it!

DEAR HARRIETTE: In recent weeks, I have learned about way too many people dying or becoming ill. It has made me realize that I work too much and see my friends too rarely. If I really look at it, I am embarrassed by how rarely I get together with people I genuinely love. I want to change this, but I'm afraid that I will go back to my old ways in a blink, because I do have a lot of responsibilities. Can you recommend a strategy for me to be a better, closer friend to my loved ones? I don't want to be that person who died on the job without making time for the people who matter. -- Changing My Ways, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR CHANGING MY WAYS: Great question that likely resonates with most of us! In the way that many people keep a calendar that lists their responsibilities for the day, week or month, you can incorporate contacting specific loved ones into that schedule. Write in, "Call Mom," or "Schedule lunch with hometown friends." Make meeting up with loved ones as important as paying your bills or getting to work on time. Check off each appointment when you complete it.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I saw a posting on Facebook the other day from a former colleague of mine. If I read her words correctly, it sounded like she is suicidal. I'm not kidding. I have noticed a few people in my life who are sounding depressed these days. I don't know if it's because the weather has been so lousy and people get down when it's cold and nasty, or if I should be worried because it could be a sign that they are actually considering suicide. What are the signs that I should look out for, and what can I do if I think a friend really might want to take his or her life? -- Life on the Line, Chicago

DEAR LIFE ON THE LINE: Mental health professionals suggest that if a friend or loved one is talking about suicide, you should take them seriously. Don't blow off any such comments. Instead, ask them how they are feeling. You can ask what's going on in their life. Listen carefully, but do not offer advice. You are not trained to help them out of their predicament. You can and should suggest that they get medical help. People who are depressed commonly feel suicidal, according to medical experts. Again, if you think your friend is in such a state, you can reach out and ask if you can be of help. A great resource is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, at 800-273-8255.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was upset about something that happened at work and came home feeling really frustrated and raw. I told my husband and reached out to get a hug. Instead of hugging me, he gave me a lecture about taking things too seriously and bringing too much of the job home with me.

I get that I can become overwhelmed by things at work sometimes, but I really did not deserve a lecture that day. Honestly, all I needed was a hug and to feel like he had my back. How can I approach my husband differently so that I get a different result the next time I need a little TLC? -- Need a Hug, Syracuse, New York

DEAR NEED A HUG: Men have a tendency to want to solve things when presented with problems. They are often action-oriented and don't knee-jerk to the cuddle that you so desire. One way for you to get what you want is to eliminate the conversation about what happened at work and go straight for what you want: the hug.

When you come home after a hard day and what you want the most is an embrace, ask for that. You can tell your husband that you love him and need to savor one of those wonderful hugs that you know he can give. If he asks why, you can tell him you had a tough day, and you believe his hug will make it better. Leave out the rest of the details -- unless you are ready to listen to his advice.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I hired a young man to work with me a couple of months ago. He seemed to have a lot of promise, but then it all seemed to fizzle. I would ask him to complete tasks; when he completed them, he didn't bother to say anything. I told him that initiative is very important to me, as I operate a small business and don't really have time to hold his hand all day. Even though he seems to be smart, he really never demonstrated initiative. What's worse is that a couple of times I asked him to meet me to bring me important paperwork, and each time he was at least 30 minutes late, with no real apology. I am ready to let him go, less than 90 days in. I want to tell him why, as I may be able to help him in his next job. How do you recommend I talk to him? -- End of Probation, Denver

DEAR END OF PROBATION: I trust that you talked to this young man as each incident occurred, because it is clear that he has a lot to learn about work ethic and time management. It is wise, in any event, for you to end this relationship before the typical 90-day probation period.

Sit down with him, and let him know that you will not be keeping him on with you. Tell him you want to give him feedback about his time with you, and then go for it point by point. Explain what having initiative looks like. Do not assume that he understands that. Talk to him about timeliness and what to do when you realize you are running late for anything, especially going to meet your boss. Point out that he should work on improving in these particular areas so that in his next job he will be better prepared to succeed.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I go to social events a lot for my job, and I am hardly ever able to get my husband to come with me. He begs off for a variety of reasons, but mainly I think he just doesn't like to go out. He enjoys being at home. I don't press him often about joining me, so I think that when I do ask, it would be nice for him to agree. How can I get the point across to him that I need him by my side sometimes? -- Hating Solo, Dallas

DEAR HATING SOLO: Don't assume that your husband knows that you would like him to go with you. Especially if you have established a rhythm that shows that you can go independently to events with no problem, he likely thinks you are just fine without him.

Tell him that you need him sometimes. Then, the next time that you really wish he would join you, invite him to come and let him know how important it is for you to have him at your side. Letting him know you need him is key.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)