DEAR HARRIETTE: I hired a young man to work with me a couple of months ago. He seemed to have a lot of promise, but then it all seemed to fizzle. I would ask him to complete tasks; when he completed them, he didn't bother to say anything. I told him that initiative is very important to me, as I operate a small business and don't really have time to hold his hand all day. Even though he seems to be smart, he really never demonstrated initiative. What's worse is that a couple of times I asked him to meet me to bring me important paperwork, and each time he was at least 30 minutes late, with no real apology. I am ready to let him go, less than 90 days in. I want to tell him why, as I may be able to help him in his next job. How do you recommend I talk to him? -- End of Probation, Denver

DEAR END OF PROBATION: I trust that you talked to this young man as each incident occurred, because it is clear that he has a lot to learn about work ethic and time management. It is wise, in any event, for you to end this relationship before the typical 90-day probation period.

Sit down with him, and let him know that you will not be keeping him on with you. Tell him you want to give him feedback about his time with you, and then go for it point by point. Explain what having initiative looks like. Do not assume that he understands that. Talk to him about timeliness and what to do when you realize you are running late for anything, especially going to meet your boss. Point out that he should work on improving in these particular areas so that in his next job he will be better prepared to succeed.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I go to social events a lot for my job, and I am hardly ever able to get my husband to come with me. He begs off for a variety of reasons, but mainly I think he just doesn't like to go out. He enjoys being at home. I don't press him often about joining me, so I think that when I do ask, it would be nice for him to agree. How can I get the point across to him that I need him by my side sometimes? -- Hating Solo, Dallas

DEAR HATING SOLO: Don't assume that your husband knows that you would like him to go with you. Especially if you have established a rhythm that shows that you can go independently to events with no problem, he likely thinks you are just fine without him.

Tell him that you need him sometimes. Then, the next time that you really wish he would join you, invite him to come and let him know how important it is for you to have him at your side. Letting him know you need him is key.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is a decent student, but not so good at math. Sadly, I am horrible at math. Now that kids learn differently from how I was brought up, it's even worse. I cannot help him when he has homework. I feel like I am not taking good care of him because I'm not able to support him in this very important area. How can I step up to help him? I will feel horrible if he fails. -- Mathematically Challenged, Washington, D.C.

DEAR MATHEMATICALLY CHALLENGED: It's time for a tutor. This is exactly why they exist, to support students who need extra help. You should not feel less than because you don't know everything. Join the club of being a parent. None of us is good at everything. Realize what you know and what you don't.

You know you aren't great at math, so do your research. Start with your son's teacher. Find out from him or her if there are tutors at his school or if they can recommend someone who can help.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My next-door neighbor likes to stop by uninvited on a regular basis. This drives me crazy. She will knock on the door until I answer or start calling my cellphone. I live in a high-rise and we are friendly, but come on. Can't there be boundaries between us? I don't want to be rude to her, but I need her to back off. -- In My Space, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR IN MY SPACE: Over the years, I have gotten quite a few questions like this about how to keep neighbors or even family members at bay. One woman, I recall, said that her in-laws would "pop by" at any time of day, and felt entitled because they are related.

In all of these instances, you have to set clear boundaries for how you want to govern your life. With your neighbor, have a clear and frank conversation -- face to face -- where you make it clear that she cannot come over whenever she feels like it. Tell her that it is intrusive to you and disruptive to your life. Ask her to honor your request for privacy. Tell her that you savor your private time at home, and when she insistently attempts to cross your threshold, it is disruptive to your peace of mind.

Make sure you let her know that this doesn't mean you don't like her. It does mean that you value your private time. Make it clear that if she is unwilling to respect your wishes, it will become personal. It could mean that the two of you will have to sever ties. This may seem harsh, but some people need to be shaken into reality. She sounds like one of those folks. Good luck!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I met my best friend's ex-boyfriend the other day. She has talked about him for 20 years. Though she never told me exactly why they broke up, she certainly has told me endless stories about their time together. For some reason, he got married to somebody else. While he and my friend have remained close, I cannot figure out how they sorted out their relationship. Now that I have met him, I am curious all over again. Since my friend has talked about him for so long, I feel like I should be able to ask her. What do you think? -- Want to Know, Baton Rouge, Louisiana

DEAR WANT TO KNOW: I totally understand your curiosity. You are intrigued by this ancient love story that your friend has romanticized over the decades. There's also an element of just being nosy in there, too, you know!

If you can go to your friend completely transparently and tell her you are dying to learn more about this old beau and their time together, then do so. Make it clear to her that she has built up her stories for so long that you want the soap opera version of the saga, meaning with all the juicy details. Will she tell you? Who knows? But your honesty for why you want to know in the first place should help her to make a decision as to what she chooses to reveal.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 15-year-old son is a big dreamer. He loves science and wants to be an astronomer. He is so gung-ho about it, but I am reluctant to encourage him. I have never heard of a successful astronomer in modern times. I am afraid that in pursuing his dreams, he may end up being poor. How can I steer him in a more lucrative direction without dashing his spirits? -- Looking to the Future, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR LOOKING TO THE FUTURE: As my mother would say, "Hold your horses!" Do your research before you tell your son not to pursue his dream, especially in this scientific field. Indeed, astronomers can bring home healthy paychecks as they enjoy studying the planets, stars and solar systems. An example is Neil DeGrasse Tyson, who is the director of the Hayden Planetarium at the Museum of Natural History in New York. He is a bona fide celebrity in the field, bringing cachet to this ancient line of work. Most cities have museums and other cultural institutions that employ astronomers and physicists.

Encourage your son to do research in his area of choice. Suggest that he sign up for internships so that he can get his foot in the door. Many STEM programs are designed to expose young people to the various fields of science, technology, engineering and math. Now is a great time to look into his passion. The good news is that he can earn a living doing so!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)