DEAR HARRIETTE: I met my best friend's ex-boyfriend the other day. She has talked about him for 20 years. Though she never told me exactly why they broke up, she certainly has told me endless stories about their time together. For some reason, he got married to somebody else. While he and my friend have remained close, I cannot figure out how they sorted out their relationship. Now that I have met him, I am curious all over again. Since my friend has talked about him for so long, I feel like I should be able to ask her. What do you think? -- Want to Know, Baton Rouge, Louisiana

DEAR WANT TO KNOW: I totally understand your curiosity. You are intrigued by this ancient love story that your friend has romanticized over the decades. There's also an element of just being nosy in there, too, you know!

If you can go to your friend completely transparently and tell her you are dying to learn more about this old beau and their time together, then do so. Make it clear to her that she has built up her stories for so long that you want the soap opera version of the saga, meaning with all the juicy details. Will she tell you? Who knows? But your honesty for why you want to know in the first place should help her to make a decision as to what she chooses to reveal.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 15-year-old son is a big dreamer. He loves science and wants to be an astronomer. He is so gung-ho about it, but I am reluctant to encourage him. I have never heard of a successful astronomer in modern times. I am afraid that in pursuing his dreams, he may end up being poor. How can I steer him in a more lucrative direction without dashing his spirits? -- Looking to the Future, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR LOOKING TO THE FUTURE: As my mother would say, "Hold your horses!" Do your research before you tell your son not to pursue his dream, especially in this scientific field. Indeed, astronomers can bring home healthy paychecks as they enjoy studying the planets, stars and solar systems. An example is Neil DeGrasse Tyson, who is the director of the Hayden Planetarium at the Museum of Natural History in New York. He is a bona fide celebrity in the field, bringing cachet to this ancient line of work. Most cities have museums and other cultural institutions that employ astronomers and physicists.

Encourage your son to do research in his area of choice. Suggest that he sign up for internships so that he can get his foot in the door. Many STEM programs are designed to expose young people to the various fields of science, technology, engineering and math. Now is a great time to look into his passion. The good news is that he can earn a living doing so!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: I lost one of my very dearest friends recently. She suffered what seemed a short yet agonizing illness, and then she was gone. I know that many of you have experienced the loss of a family member or loved one, and so you know the ache that can rest in the pit of your stomach, that can throb in the beating of your heart. I now know that feeling, and it is haunting.

I share my story with you not because of how raw it remains, but because of what I have learned thus far that may be useful to you. My friend and I did the race to the finish line to ensure that all of her paperwork was in order. A woman whose life partner had passed years ago and who did not have children, my friend had not thought about the end of her life. She had no power of attorney, no health care proxy and no will. She did have significant financial resources. In her final days, which came far too soon, she asked me to help her get her proverbial house in order. And we did.

As I have asked many of my friends about their end-of-life management, I have been shocked to learn that literally nine out of 10 people I asked were in my friend's position: no written, legally binding plan stating their intentions for their possessions or even their bodies upon death.

We don't think about that uncomfortable topic too often. Death. It seems that we avoid the thought of it, at least as it relates to ourselves, with all the power within us. This is equal-opportunity neglect, by the way. From married people with children to grandparents and singles, many of us, likely most, are not ready for our transition.

Here's what happens when you aren't ready: No one knows whether you want to be buried or cremated. No one knows who should get what of our belongings. Family members fight over anything -- it was handkerchiefs in my family one time -- because they can't have their loved one back. Lawyers and courts squabble over what's left, and your loved ones end up with little to nothing -- even if you started off with a hefty inheritance for them.

Do not let this happen. My friend and I were lucky. We got her paperwork in order, though it was harrowing to do so as she lay on her deathbed. Take the time to be conscious and intentional about how you want your legacy to be defined. You are responsible for setting that up. A few simple steps handled now, no matter what your age, can make the difference between leaving your estate (regardless of how small or large) in order or in a complete mess. How do you want to be remembered? Set yourself up so that your desire can manifest.

Clear any impediments that you can so that your loved ones can grieve without the burden of scrambling to settle your affairs. That's the legacy I intend to leave. How about you?

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been in a committed relationship with my girlfriend for about one year now. We first met during freshman year of college but started dating our senior year. We now live together, and both have good jobs in Atlanta.

She asked could she go with her girlfriends to New York for NBA All-Star Weekend. Although I had some doubts, I convinced myself that it would be OK because I trust her. However, when she got back, things seemed a little backward with her. So I began to ask about her experience, and she acted as if everything was fine. Looking at some of her Instagram photographs, I noticed she had met a lot of celebrities, but I knew that would be the norm for that type of weekend. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think my girlfriend may have cheated on me while in New York. Any thoughts? -- Questioning Her Actions, Atlanta

DEAR QUESTIONING HER ACTIONS: Face to face, confront your girlfriend about your suspicions. Stay calm as you talk. Tell her that ever since she returned from All-Star Weekend, something has been off in her behavior. Ask her what happened that affected her. Give her a chance to talk. If it seems like she is hedging or lying, ask her point blank if she cheated on you. Tell her you hope it isn't true, but that her behavior suggests otherwise.

Ultimately, you two are going to have to talk this out. Discuss the boundaries in your relationship. You are both young and may want to have other experiences over time. Do not make assumptions. Talk about your values and desires. Agree on what you will do in the future if either of you decides you want to see someone else.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The economy finally seems to be picking up when it comes to business revenue. However, I recently got laid off from my job just before the turn of the season. Recently, I've been interviewing for a couple of jobs, and it seems that I will have some solid options. This is great news because I am eager to get back to work. However, I am nervous because I don't want to choose the job that would put me back into a position where I could easily be fired again as a young employee. I want to allow this layoff to be a sign that I need to work in what interests me most and gives me the most leverage. My question to you is, how will I know which job opportunity is right for me? -- Starting Out, Anchorage, Alaska

DEAR STARTING OUT: It is wise to evaluate what went wrong with your most recent job as you prepare for the next. If you did not have a discussion with your employer about the circumstances of your layoff, double back to him or her and ask. Frame your question by letting your former boss know that you want to improve yourself for the next job. Use that input along with a laser-sharp focus on the job search to help you find a job that works for you. You may not find your dream job right away, but clarity will help you enjoy success on your journey. Doing excellent work creates job security, even for young or new employees.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)