DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my best friends is gay, but our other friend still uses the word "gay" to describe things she thinks are stupid. She says our gay friend doesn't mind, but I think he does -- he would just never admit it. Should I act on my instinct and tell her she needs to stop, or should I just let it go? -- Keeping It PC, Miami

DEAR KEEPING IT PC: By all means, speak up. Words are powerful, and how we use them is important. Being insensitive to the use of a word like "gay" is actually what is stupid. (Do you see how even saying the word "stupid" is fiery? I believe in searching for uncharged words to describe feelings and thoughts.)

Talk to your friend about her choice of words and make it clear that you find her speech offensive. This is true regardless of whether she is in the company of your gay friend, by the way. It's important to acknowledge that wherever you are and no matter the company, using language in a charged way like that is unwise because it continues a narrative of insensitivity that is unkind.

Your gay friend may or may not mind. But that isn't even the point. What's key here is for your friend to recognize that words have the ability to empower or hurt. Choosing empowerment is the way to go.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I made a silly and potentially costly mistake. I received an email from a friend suggesting that I look into a way to earn money from home. The link looked like a site from a television station, with articles and testimonials from a variety of people who said they earned money in this way. I found it intriguing. I did try to reach my friend to see if he had tried it, but I didn't hear back from him. (Later, he said his email was hacked.)

I got lured into the promise of earning extra money and signed up for it. Of course it required a small fee, which I paid. And then nothing. I didn't ever get to the place where I would earn all this money.

Now I'm worried that my credit card may be compromised. What can I do? -- Hoodwinked, Los Angeles

DEAR HOODWINKED: Usually, if something seems too good to be true, it is. I'm sorry this happened to you, but all may not be lost.

Contact your credit card company and tell them that you believe the charge was fraudulent. Explain what happened and ask if they can stop payment and/or place an alert that the company you paid practices fraud. Credit card companies have departments set up to help customers with such things, so there's a good chance you will be reimbursed and your account can be protected from that company charging you again.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My assistant of two years will be leaving me soon, and I have a concern. She has been completely loyal for the time she has worked with me, and I appreciate that. She also has all of my passwords and other sensitive information because it was part of her job.

I'm wondering if I should change all of the passwords and the locks, etc. I don't have any reason to believe she would do something to harm me or my business, but if she's not working for me anymore, shouldn't I make it so that she doesn't have access to my records? -- Turning the Page, Seattle

DEAR TURNING THE PAGE: Security specialists typically recommend that passwords for email addresses be changed frequently. At some companies it is mandatory to change them every 90 days. For sure, you should change all of your passwords. You also should change your locks.

It's great that you have had a positive relationship with your assistant. Protecting your files and other assets by updating your security measures in no way reflects on her. So shrug off the notion that you are doing anything wrong.

Celebrate your assistant as she leaves you, and take care of your business as any professional should.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter (a senior in high school) was invited to go on spring break with friends from her high school. They are going to Florida. I keep hearing the news reports of wild teenagers getting in trouble at those kinds of things, and I am nervous.

My daughter tends to be very well-behaved, and she talks to me about her friends and her life all the time. But I know peer pressure can be hard to resist. I don't want to tell my daughter "no," but I'm also concerned. How can I make a decision? -- Worried, Washington, D.C.

DEAR WORRIED: I fully understand your concern. Peer pressure is real, and sometimes even the best behaved of the bunch can buckle under it. That said, your daughter is at the age where she is about to be on her own. Hopefully, you have taught her along the way about the importance of making smart decisions.

Sit down with your daughter and talk to her about the upcoming trip. Ask her to tell you what she thinks the activities will be. Ask if she has any concerns about what may happen on the trip. Express your concerns about what you have heard happens at some spring break activities. Ask her what she thinks she will do if her peers begin to participate in activities that might be dangerous.

Don't grill your daughter; just talk. Tell her you trust her, and remind her that it can be hard to make smart choices when others are doing other things. Remind her that she can always pick up the phone and call you, at any time of day or night, if she needs help.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend is very religious, as is his family. He goes to church every Sunday. I was raised relatively religious, but I don't really practice anything anymore. I don't enjoy going to church, but I feel like it would be a nice gesture. Would he appreciate my going to church with him even if I don't feel the same way about religion that he does? -- Secular Girl, Miami

DEAR SECULAR GIRL: This is tricky. Your boyfriend likely would appreciate your making the effort to go to church with him if it means you might rediscover your faith. But to go to church just to make him happy, without having any interest in accessing your own spirituality, is insincere. That doesn't mean you should not go.

I recommend you take the time to reflect on your religious values and beliefs. Ask yourself why you don't enjoy going to church. Contemplate why you are interested in this man who is deeply religious, and whether there's a future for you as a couple if he and his family have very different religious views from you.

These things are worth considering, because religious beliefs figure prominently into people's relationships when religion is important to them. Couples can have healthy relationships even when one does not share the same faith or is not as zealous as the other, but I assure you it is generally easier if both are on the same page religiously.

So, talk with your boyfriend about your religious views. And go to church with him if you are willing to see if there's something there for you, too.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend recently partied hard one night and ended up very drunk and almost had to be taken to the hospital. His boyfriend also was very drunk and was taken to the hospital.

Both of them are fine now, and after intense hangovers they don't seem to understand the severity of what they almost got themselves into. My friend wasn't able to walk on his own without falling, and I had to help him.

How can I get them to understand that what happened was serious and that, had it been a little worse, there could have been dire consequences? -- Worried, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR WORRIED: You have every reason to be alarmed by your friends' behavior. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, about 79,000 people die each year because of excessive drinking. That is a staggering number. Binge drinking for a man can be five or more drinks, while heavy drinking for a man starts at two drinks daily. Honestly, though, it's relative based upon a person's height, weight and tolerance for alcohol.

It is dangerous to drink excessively. The body cannot handle it. Scare your friends into taking it seriously by telling them the stats. That may help.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)