DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend just came back from Iraq. Last night, we got into a heated argument, and before I knew it, I found myself on the ground with a bruise on my neck and a sprained ankle. I never thought my boyfriend would hurt me. Meanwhile, my roommates freaked out, called the ambulance and after a long plea, I persuaded them not to call the cops. I know domestic violence is serious, but I never expected to be a victim to this foolery. I love my boyfriend. There's a first time for everything, and I know our hearts are in sync. I think his behavior has something to do with his deployment for six months. Where should we go to get help? -- Karen, Omaha, Neb.

DEAR KAREN: You are right to be concerned and also smart not to automatically walk away so fast. Many veterans experience post-traumatic stress disorder after being on the battlefield. One of the symptoms of this disorder is being prone to violent outbursts. The good news is that help exists for veterans who need to process what has happened in their lives and learn how to manage the variety of physical, emotional and spiritual challenges that they may face in the wake of their experiences. Talk to your boyfriend, and ask him to get help so that he can get better and you can save your relationship. Urge him to get support. To find help, visit the VA website at ptsd.va.gov.

If you have to put your foot down to get him to seek help, do so.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently relocated to the New York City area as a single, 32-year-old man with no kids or previous marriages. However, I eventually want to settle down. Lately, I've been entertaining this "young thang" -- 24 years old, to be exact -- and I have to admit she has me sprung. She's spunky and energetic, with a fresh perspective on life. She's family-oriented and believes in God, but she parties too much for my liking. Every time I ask her to spend time with me, she mentions going out to a bar or club when all I want to do is enjoy a flick at home with just her and me. Am I asking for too much? Should I continue this relationship knowing that she's not ready to settle down? -- Jordan, New York City

DEAR JORDAN: What do you want? You say that "eventually" you want to settle down, but your story sounds as if you are ready to settle now, or at least figure out if this woman is the one with whom you would like to settle. That's fine. But does she know that? If you want to take her off the dating market, you have to be ready to say so and present details on what you have in mind. Then she will have the proper information to be able to make an informed decision about her next steps.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was recently mortified by the condition of my friend's apartment. He is single and lives on his own. He has a pit bull that is out of control, but that's only part of the problem. He has dishes stacked, food containers open and sitting for days, and the kitchen is in disarray. There is trash in his bedroom -- literally trash! And his bathroom is unusable. His apartment looks like a dumpster. This is unhealthy! What should I say or do? He doesn't care. -- Rohit, Boston

DEAR ROHIT: Your friend has a serious problem that could be a sign of Attention Deficit Disorder. He could be a hoarder. He could be depressed. To help him, you are going to have to be brave to address your friend. Ask him directly what's going on in his life. Ask him why his home is in such bad condition. Clearly, something is wrong. He may not be aware of how bad his apartment looks, as hard as that is to imagine. Suggest that he hire someone to help clean up his place. Encourage him to get some help so that he can live in a healthy environment.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is cheating on me. Whenever I ask him to go somewhere, he declines and spends time with "her." He leaves me in the bed alone in the middle of the night to be entertained. I know everyone is thinking just leave him, but "she" lives in my house. Her dimensions are 49 inches by 29.7 inches by 3.9 inches; she's hanging on the wall in the living room, with an attached Xbox 360. It's as if she calls my husband's name after work, in the middle of the night and on weekends. When we are supposed to be spending quality time with each other, she has taken it from me. The flat-screen TV and that damn video-game console were the worst gifts I've ever given. He's addicted, and I refuse to continue to be deprived of affection. How can I put an end to this awful habit? Does he need "real" help? -- Amber, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR AMBER: Electronics have long been a lure for people, and these products frequently do "steal" precious time from personal interaction with loved ones for those who are lured into a relationship with them. Believe it or not, I think the best way for you to get your husband's attention is to find a video game that might interest you, too. If you can figure out how to participate in his play, you may eventually be able to convince him to steal away and spend time doing something else with you.

Putting your foot down hasn't worked thus far, and it's doubtful that it will now. I'm sure you've heard the notion that you can catch more bees with honey. Pour on the honey, and see if you can draw him back to you. No need for therapy, by the way.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a blue-collar workingman, and I would like to expand my reading selection. I currently look at the sports section of the local newspapers. From time to time, I read magazines as well. Can you recommend some books that I might find interesting? -- Bill, Richmond, Virginia

DEAR BILL: Many people don't read these days, but it's wonderful that you have taken an interest in the subject. Reading can transport you to all kinds of experiences. Why not start simply? Read the whole newspaper each day rather than just the sports section. Go to the library and look through books in different sections that intrigue you. Because you like sports, consider a novel with a sports theme. What else interests you? Travel? Cars? Home improvement? Art? Money management? Look around and see what topics spark your interest.

If it feels daunting to choose something, ask a librarian for help. You can also look in the local newspaper for news on the latest book offerings to see what others are recommending.

Get a library card, and check out a couple of books that seem interesting. Set aside time to read each day when you are ready to relax. Many people find that reading before bed is a great way to ease into sleep.

If you become animated about a particular book, seek out other readers who share your passion. This may require you to add other friends to your social sphere.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I share a cubicle with someone who has bad breath. Every time I offer my co-worker a stick of gum, she politely declines. I don't know what to say to her without being rude. Do you have any suggestions? -- Jamal, Bronx, New York

DEAR JAMAL: I can't tell you how often I receive some version of this question. It has come with such frequency that I have done quite a bit of research on mouth odor, and I have discovered that bad breath can actually serve as a health warning. Mouth odor, especially chronic bad breath, can be a sign of illness, anything from gum disease to intestinal problems. Of course, it can also mean that the person doesn't practice good dental hygiene or that the person has eaten strong-smelling food in the past 24 hours.

How do you address this? Whatever the reason, it will be awkward to approach her. Still, I recommend that if her breath offends you, speak up out of respect for her. Privately tell her that you've noticed that sometimes she has sour breath and you thought she would want to know, because it may be a sign of illness. She will likely bristle, but if you state it plainly, she will hear you.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)