DEAR HARRIETTE: I am torn. I have recently applied for a position that could be a dream job. Then I learned of another opportunity that could be awesome, too. I expect to hear from the first place soon, and I am not sure what I should do. If offered the first job, I figure I should take it. It represents job security and is a kind of big deal. But the other job is creative and more up my alley. I long for a creative environment, but I have financial responsibilities and don't know if it's wise to pass up a big job. Never mind that I haven't been offered anything yet. I'm trying to figure out my next steps. What do you think? -- Nell, Tacoma, Washington

DEAR NELL: It's time for you to be still. You should meditate on your options so you can listen to the still voice inside that can guide you to the right decision. I received advice years ago about a decision similar to yours -- a choice between two work opportunities -- and I was told that whenever you have a choice to make, choose that which will bring you closer to God. When neither is more immediately leading you there, do the practical thing. I have contemplated that wisdom many times over the years. I recommend that you do this now. Then you will be ready to respond to whatever offer is presented to you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I met a money manager at a seminar recently. The woman was kind, and she made me feel comfortable about discussing money. I know that she's looking for clients who have lots of money to invest, which I do not. But you have to start somewhere, right? I feel that I want to talk to her about investing what little I have, but I don't want to be embarrassed when she learns that I only have a small amount of money. How should I approach her? -- Jenny, Salt Lake City

DEAR JENNY: Stepping into the investment waters can seem daunting, especially when it's new to you. Trust me, it doesn't matter that you have a small amount to invest. If you are serious about learning how to save and invest your money, someone will be interested in helping you. Since you liked this woman, give her a call. Ask her if you can set up a meeting to discuss investments, and let her know straightaway that you have limited resources. Tell her that you are interested in learning more and in cultivating a long-term relationship with an investment adviser who will help grow your money over time. If the money manager is interested, have the meeting. If not, go to your bank and see if a bank investment officer can get you started.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A boy in my nephew's class came to school wearing the same clothes two days in a row. My nephew was the ringleader in bad-mouthing the kid. When my nephew came home and told his dad, my brother told him that he should be more sensitive. Who knows why the boy wore the same clothes. Something could have happened. My brother told me that he doesn't believe that the message got through. I want to help teach my nephew how to have better manners. What can I do? -- Brian, Gallup, New Mexico

DEAR BRIAN: Your nephew participated in bullying, a practice that is reaching epidemic proportions in our culture right now. With your brother's permission, you can talk to your nephew about how to treat people. Sometimes this works well when you paint a picture of a scene where someone is being mistreated. Ask him how he would feel if someone treated him in that way. Talk to your nephew about tolerance and about how to actively practice kindness when engaging with others.

Once you get him talking, ask him directly about the situation in which he bad-mouthed the boy. Ask him why he thinks the boy wore the same clothes. Ask him how he would feel if his classmates had taunted him. Encourage him to think positively about others and to resist leading or joining a crowd of kids who are treating anyone in a mean way.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend's mother has dementia. Right now, she's living with my friend, but my friend wants her mom to move back to the Midwest, where the pace is slower and family is around to care for her. Her mom doesn't want to go. But her condition seems to be worsening, and my friend cannot afford to pay for home care. She's worried that her mom will get hurt if she stays at home alone. Anything could happen. How can I support my friend? -- April, Staten Island, New York

DEAR APRIL: Your friend is going through a rough time. Dementia is certainly hard for her mother, but likely even harder for your friend to handle. Not only does she feel responsible for caring for her mom, she's also watching her lose awareness. That can be devastating for family members to witness. Still, your friend may be right. If there is more support at the family homestead, the wise choice might be to move her mom there.

You can recommend that she reach out to family members and begin an active dialogue about her mother's state of being and their interest in welcoming her home. Your friend doesn't have to handle this on her own. She should ask her family to participate.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I sometimes feel like life is passing me by. I am in my mid-50s, and I'm single. I've been working the same job for a long time, which is fine, but it's boring. I can retire soon because I'm lucky to have good benefits. But what would I do? I don't have many friends. I get along with people, but I don't hang out with anybody. I talk to a couple of friends from my hometown on the phone. But I have become somewhat of a recluse. I feel like I have forgotten what fun looks like or something. Sometimes I wonder if I didn't show up to work or church or wherever, would anyone even notice? I know that sounds pathetic. I need to do something to shake myself out of this feeling. What can I do? -- Miserable, Dallas

DEAR MISERABLE: It is time for you to shake up your life and try something new. Do you have any childhood hobbies that you might want to pursue again? Consider joining a book club, an athletic facility that offers group classes, or an art class. The idea is to put yourself in the company of other people doing something that interests you.

You may also want to participate in the Life Reimagined program that AARP created, lifereimagined.aarp.org. It is a wonderful free program designed to help people look at their lives differently and plot their course for the future.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm new to this whole idea of going out after work for drinks with groups of people. It's fun, but I don't know the rules. What is the etiquette when you are at a bar and you want to be nice and buy several people a round of drinks? When the bartender asks for your card, do you have to leave the tab open? I've seen that backfire on people when folks got to drinking, and they rang up a huge tab that the cardholder had to pay. I don't want to do that, but I do want to be generous. Can I pay for one round and close out my tab without seeming cheap? -- One Round, Baltimore

DEAR ONE ROUND: Going out in groups is fraught with challenge, especially around who pays for what. Invariably, somebody pays less than everybody else, and others feel they are always carrying the weight.

As it relates to buying drinks for people, you have a great idea. You absolutely can buy one round of drinks. To do so, tell the bartender specifically which people's drinks you are paying for, have the people place their order and then pay. Ask the bartender to close your tab, which requires returning your credit card and you signing the bill.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)