DEAR HARRIETTE: A boy in my nephew's class came to school wearing the same clothes two days in a row. My nephew was the ringleader in bad-mouthing the kid. When my nephew came home and told his dad, my brother told him that he should be more sensitive. Who knows why the boy wore the same clothes. Something could have happened. My brother told me that he doesn't believe that the message got through. I want to help teach my nephew how to have better manners. What can I do? -- Brian, Gallup, New Mexico

DEAR BRIAN: Your nephew participated in bullying, a practice that is reaching epidemic proportions in our culture right now. With your brother's permission, you can talk to your nephew about how to treat people. Sometimes this works well when you paint a picture of a scene where someone is being mistreated. Ask him how he would feel if someone treated him in that way. Talk to your nephew about tolerance and about how to actively practice kindness when engaging with others.

Once you get him talking, ask him directly about the situation in which he bad-mouthed the boy. Ask him why he thinks the boy wore the same clothes. Ask him how he would feel if his classmates had taunted him. Encourage him to think positively about others and to resist leading or joining a crowd of kids who are treating anyone in a mean way.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend's mother has dementia. Right now, she's living with my friend, but my friend wants her mom to move back to the Midwest, where the pace is slower and family is around to care for her. Her mom doesn't want to go. But her condition seems to be worsening, and my friend cannot afford to pay for home care. She's worried that her mom will get hurt if she stays at home alone. Anything could happen. How can I support my friend? -- April, Staten Island, New York

DEAR APRIL: Your friend is going through a rough time. Dementia is certainly hard for her mother, but likely even harder for your friend to handle. Not only does she feel responsible for caring for her mom, she's also watching her lose awareness. That can be devastating for family members to witness. Still, your friend may be right. If there is more support at the family homestead, the wise choice might be to move her mom there.

You can recommend that she reach out to family members and begin an active dialogue about her mother's state of being and their interest in welcoming her home. Your friend doesn't have to handle this on her own. She should ask her family to participate.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I sometimes feel like life is passing me by. I am in my mid-50s, and I'm single. I've been working the same job for a long time, which is fine, but it's boring. I can retire soon because I'm lucky to have good benefits. But what would I do? I don't have many friends. I get along with people, but I don't hang out with anybody. I talk to a couple of friends from my hometown on the phone. But I have become somewhat of a recluse. I feel like I have forgotten what fun looks like or something. Sometimes I wonder if I didn't show up to work or church or wherever, would anyone even notice? I know that sounds pathetic. I need to do something to shake myself out of this feeling. What can I do? -- Miserable, Dallas

DEAR MISERABLE: It is time for you to shake up your life and try something new. Do you have any childhood hobbies that you might want to pursue again? Consider joining a book club, an athletic facility that offers group classes, or an art class. The idea is to put yourself in the company of other people doing something that interests you.

You may also want to participate in the Life Reimagined program that AARP created, lifereimagined.aarp.org. It is a wonderful free program designed to help people look at their lives differently and plot their course for the future.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm new to this whole idea of going out after work for drinks with groups of people. It's fun, but I don't know the rules. What is the etiquette when you are at a bar and you want to be nice and buy several people a round of drinks? When the bartender asks for your card, do you have to leave the tab open? I've seen that backfire on people when folks got to drinking, and they rang up a huge tab that the cardholder had to pay. I don't want to do that, but I do want to be generous. Can I pay for one round and close out my tab without seeming cheap? -- One Round, Baltimore

DEAR ONE ROUND: Going out in groups is fraught with challenge, especially around who pays for what. Invariably, somebody pays less than everybody else, and others feel they are always carrying the weight.

As it relates to buying drinks for people, you have a great idea. You absolutely can buy one round of drinks. To do so, tell the bartender specifically which people's drinks you are paying for, have the people place their order and then pay. Ask the bartender to close your tab, which requires returning your credit card and you signing the bill.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend just announced that she's having a baby, and she has asked all of her girlfriends to agree to help her raise this child. This is because she is not in a relationship with the baby's father, and she is currently unemployed. She asked us to sign a legal document that she had an attorney to write up that says that we -- her three close friends -- would commit to contributing a particular amount of money and time to raising this child over the next 18 years. I'm not kidding.

On the one hand, I have to give it to her for having the gumption to ask such a thing. Even though I do love her, I have no interest in making this kind of commitment. She is the one who got pregnant without any kind of planning for the future. I have no idea what my future holds. I do hope to get married and have children myself. While I would agree to be a godparent and help as I can, I do not want to sign this paper or agree to such dramatic terms. Do you think I'm being unrealistic? -- Flustered, Des Moines, Iowa

DEAR FLUSTERED: Your friend deserves credit for creative problem solving. Maybe others from your friend group will agree, in theory. You are absolutely within your rights to say no. Talk to your friend about her future. What are her thoughts about work, about health coverage, about where she will live? Get her to talk out loud about her plans so that she can hear what they sound like. If she has any family, ask if any of them would support her. Talk to her about options, including adoption. She should consider all alternatives, given her current situation.

Be upfront about your situation. Let her know that you would be happy to serve as godmother and support as you can, but that you are not all in with her plan.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am feeling overwhelmed. I have been working two jobs for about six months now, in order to make ends meet. And I have started to forget things and misplace stuff. I know it's because I'm tired, but I have to keep these jobs for now. What can I do to feel less stressed? I'm afraid if I don't do something, I'm going to get sick. -- Frazzled, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR FRAZZLED: Believe it or not, I'm going to recommend that you get some exercise. Do your best to fit in about 30 minutes of exercise each day. It could be power walking, aerobics with a video or yoga. Moving your body will strengthen it and give you energy. It helps to clear your head as well.

I can already hear you saying you don't have time for that. Research shows that people who exercise regularly tend to be healthier than others and they also often have the ability to be clearer, calmer and more efficient at whatever task is at hand. Try it!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)