DEAR HARRIETTE: I sometimes feel like life is passing me by. I am in my mid-50s, and I'm single. I've been working the same job for a long time, which is fine, but it's boring. I can retire soon because I'm lucky to have good benefits. But what would I do? I don't have many friends. I get along with people, but I don't hang out with anybody. I talk to a couple of friends from my hometown on the phone. But I have become somewhat of a recluse. I feel like I have forgotten what fun looks like or something. Sometimes I wonder if I didn't show up to work or church or wherever, would anyone even notice? I know that sounds pathetic. I need to do something to shake myself out of this feeling. What can I do? -- Miserable, Dallas

DEAR MISERABLE: It is time for you to shake up your life and try something new. Do you have any childhood hobbies that you might want to pursue again? Consider joining a book club, an athletic facility that offers group classes, or an art class. The idea is to put yourself in the company of other people doing something that interests you.

You may also want to participate in the Life Reimagined program that AARP created, lifereimagined.aarp.org. It is a wonderful free program designed to help people look at their lives differently and plot their course for the future.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm new to this whole idea of going out after work for drinks with groups of people. It's fun, but I don't know the rules. What is the etiquette when you are at a bar and you want to be nice and buy several people a round of drinks? When the bartender asks for your card, do you have to leave the tab open? I've seen that backfire on people when folks got to drinking, and they rang up a huge tab that the cardholder had to pay. I don't want to do that, but I do want to be generous. Can I pay for one round and close out my tab without seeming cheap? -- One Round, Baltimore

DEAR ONE ROUND: Going out in groups is fraught with challenge, especially around who pays for what. Invariably, somebody pays less than everybody else, and others feel they are always carrying the weight.

As it relates to buying drinks for people, you have a great idea. You absolutely can buy one round of drinks. To do so, tell the bartender specifically which people's drinks you are paying for, have the people place their order and then pay. Ask the bartender to close your tab, which requires returning your credit card and you signing the bill.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend just announced that she's having a baby, and she has asked all of her girlfriends to agree to help her raise this child. This is because she is not in a relationship with the baby's father, and she is currently unemployed. She asked us to sign a legal document that she had an attorney to write up that says that we -- her three close friends -- would commit to contributing a particular amount of money and time to raising this child over the next 18 years. I'm not kidding.

On the one hand, I have to give it to her for having the gumption to ask such a thing. Even though I do love her, I have no interest in making this kind of commitment. She is the one who got pregnant without any kind of planning for the future. I have no idea what my future holds. I do hope to get married and have children myself. While I would agree to be a godparent and help as I can, I do not want to sign this paper or agree to such dramatic terms. Do you think I'm being unrealistic? -- Flustered, Des Moines, Iowa

DEAR FLUSTERED: Your friend deserves credit for creative problem solving. Maybe others from your friend group will agree, in theory. You are absolutely within your rights to say no. Talk to your friend about her future. What are her thoughts about work, about health coverage, about where she will live? Get her to talk out loud about her plans so that she can hear what they sound like. If she has any family, ask if any of them would support her. Talk to her about options, including adoption. She should consider all alternatives, given her current situation.

Be upfront about your situation. Let her know that you would be happy to serve as godmother and support as you can, but that you are not all in with her plan.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am feeling overwhelmed. I have been working two jobs for about six months now, in order to make ends meet. And I have started to forget things and misplace stuff. I know it's because I'm tired, but I have to keep these jobs for now. What can I do to feel less stressed? I'm afraid if I don't do something, I'm going to get sick. -- Frazzled, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR FRAZZLED: Believe it or not, I'm going to recommend that you get some exercise. Do your best to fit in about 30 minutes of exercise each day. It could be power walking, aerobics with a video or yoga. Moving your body will strengthen it and give you energy. It helps to clear your head as well.

I can already hear you saying you don't have time for that. Research shows that people who exercise regularly tend to be healthier than others and they also often have the ability to be clearer, calmer and more efficient at whatever task is at hand. Try it!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother is in her mid-80s, and she is lucky to have a core group of friends who have been by her side since they were children. They go out regularly to lunch or shopping or to church. It's very sweet to see how they have stayed connected. What's sad of late is that several members of her friend group have died. One husband and wife died within days of each other. My mother doesn't want to go to any more funerals, she said, because it is making her depressed. I understand that. At the same time, these are her very close friends. How can I help her to balance what she does or doesn't attend? I can't go with her to these services, as we do not live in the same state. -- Grieving for Mom, Washington, D.C.

DEAR GRIEVING FOR MOM: Encourage your mother to continue her outings with her friends. These activities will remind her of the vitality that they do have. Talk to her about the friends she has lost as well, and learn about her state of mind. An unfortunate side effect of living a long life is that you do lose many loved ones along the way. Gently remind her of how fortunate she is to have had these people for so long.

Ask your mother about her current thoughts about going to funerals. If she feels she cannot handle it emotionally, do not push her. Suggest that she send a condolence card and call the surviving family members to see how they are doing. If she doesn't feel up to attending the service, do not make her feel guilty about it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband told me that one of his co-workers has been making passes at him on a regular basis. When he told me, he was almost proud about it, that this young woman was paying attention to him. He and I have been at odds over little things for a long time. We often argue and rarely go on dates or do anything to stimulate our bond. I'm a little worried that given how we are not doing so well right now, this coworker might become too tempting. How can I make sure that doesn't happen? -- Reader

DEAR READER: Consider this a wake-up call. Rather than focusing on the co-worker, take a fresh look at your marriage. What can you do to make it more interesting? Why not plan a weekly date when you two choose to spend time together? Stop taking your relationship for granted. Pay attention to what's happening in your life, and make a concerted effort to improve wherever you can.

Ask your husband to join you in rekindling tenderness and respect in your marriage. Tell him you miss the joy that you once shared. Ask him if he feels the same. If you work together to overcome your hurdles, you will be building a bridge back to each and shutting down the space for someone else to come in.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)