DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend just announced that she's having a baby, and she has asked all of her girlfriends to agree to help her raise this child. This is because she is not in a relationship with the baby's father, and she is currently unemployed. She asked us to sign a legal document that she had an attorney to write up that says that we -- her three close friends -- would commit to contributing a particular amount of money and time to raising this child over the next 18 years. I'm not kidding.

On the one hand, I have to give it to her for having the gumption to ask such a thing. Even though I do love her, I have no interest in making this kind of commitment. She is the one who got pregnant without any kind of planning for the future. I have no idea what my future holds. I do hope to get married and have children myself. While I would agree to be a godparent and help as I can, I do not want to sign this paper or agree to such dramatic terms. Do you think I'm being unrealistic? -- Flustered, Des Moines, Iowa

DEAR FLUSTERED: Your friend deserves credit for creative problem solving. Maybe others from your friend group will agree, in theory. You are absolutely within your rights to say no. Talk to your friend about her future. What are her thoughts about work, about health coverage, about where she will live? Get her to talk out loud about her plans so that she can hear what they sound like. If she has any family, ask if any of them would support her. Talk to her about options, including adoption. She should consider all alternatives, given her current situation.

Be upfront about your situation. Let her know that you would be happy to serve as godmother and support as you can, but that you are not all in with her plan.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am feeling overwhelmed. I have been working two jobs for about six months now, in order to make ends meet. And I have started to forget things and misplace stuff. I know it's because I'm tired, but I have to keep these jobs for now. What can I do to feel less stressed? I'm afraid if I don't do something, I'm going to get sick. -- Frazzled, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR FRAZZLED: Believe it or not, I'm going to recommend that you get some exercise. Do your best to fit in about 30 minutes of exercise each day. It could be power walking, aerobics with a video or yoga. Moving your body will strengthen it and give you energy. It helps to clear your head as well.

I can already hear you saying you don't have time for that. Research shows that people who exercise regularly tend to be healthier than others and they also often have the ability to be clearer, calmer and more efficient at whatever task is at hand. Try it!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother is in her mid-80s, and she is lucky to have a core group of friends who have been by her side since they were children. They go out regularly to lunch or shopping or to church. It's very sweet to see how they have stayed connected. What's sad of late is that several members of her friend group have died. One husband and wife died within days of each other. My mother doesn't want to go to any more funerals, she said, because it is making her depressed. I understand that. At the same time, these are her very close friends. How can I help her to balance what she does or doesn't attend? I can't go with her to these services, as we do not live in the same state. -- Grieving for Mom, Washington, D.C.

DEAR GRIEVING FOR MOM: Encourage your mother to continue her outings with her friends. These activities will remind her of the vitality that they do have. Talk to her about the friends she has lost as well, and learn about her state of mind. An unfortunate side effect of living a long life is that you do lose many loved ones along the way. Gently remind her of how fortunate she is to have had these people for so long.

Ask your mother about her current thoughts about going to funerals. If she feels she cannot handle it emotionally, do not push her. Suggest that she send a condolence card and call the surviving family members to see how they are doing. If she doesn't feel up to attending the service, do not make her feel guilty about it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband told me that one of his co-workers has been making passes at him on a regular basis. When he told me, he was almost proud about it, that this young woman was paying attention to him. He and I have been at odds over little things for a long time. We often argue and rarely go on dates or do anything to stimulate our bond. I'm a little worried that given how we are not doing so well right now, this coworker might become too tempting. How can I make sure that doesn't happen? -- Reader

DEAR READER: Consider this a wake-up call. Rather than focusing on the co-worker, take a fresh look at your marriage. What can you do to make it more interesting? Why not plan a weekly date when you two choose to spend time together? Stop taking your relationship for granted. Pay attention to what's happening in your life, and make a concerted effort to improve wherever you can.

Ask your husband to join you in rekindling tenderness and respect in your marriage. Tell him you miss the joy that you once shared. Ask him if he feels the same. If you work together to overcome your hurdles, you will be building a bridge back to each and shutting down the space for someone else to come in.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work for an international organization, and we regularly have conference calls to discuss projects that we are working on. I'm amazed at how effective these calls can be, even though the timing for them is sometimes a challenge. Because we hail from so many time zones, the calls are always going to be at an off-time for somebody. The problem comes when people join the call late. One of my colleagues is late almost every time. He doesn't seem to understand the importance of being timely. Another guy fails to put his phone on mute, and we have heard everything in the background -- including a toilet flushing. Can you explain the protocol of how to handle virtual conference calls, please? -- Conference Call Etiquette, Saginaw, Michigan

DEAR CONFERENCE CALL ETIQUETTE: Just because you can't see people doesn't mean you should be less professional. That's the first rule. Approach a conference call in the same way you would an in-person meeting. Show up early if you can. Call the given number a few minutes before the appointed time. Often, the system will put you in a virtual holding area. Have all of your notes and materials handy so that you aren't shuffling papers around. Eliminate distractions by turning off such things as TVs or email. Put your phone on mute except for when you are speaking. Pay close attention to the conversation. When you speak, say your name each time before talking to help the others on the phone be sure about who is contributing at the time. Don't hog the conversation. Keep your comments succinct. Speak clearly and directly into the phone to make it easy for others to hear you. Be sure to say goodbye before you hang up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter came home from school with a bloody lip and a bump on her head. She says she was playing basketball with one of her friends and they collided, both falling to the ground. These kids are 12 years old and get along fine. But after this accident, they both took to their phones and started texting their friends, talking about each other. It was so rude. I get that they were upset about what happened -- my daughter especially, since she got hurt -- but I do not think that it's a good idea to badmouth your friends in this way. What can I say to my daughter to encourage her not to do that in the future? -- Fair Play, Denver

DEAR FAIR PLAY: With your daughter's phone in hand, show her the texts that went back and forth between her and her friends. Ask her if she thinks that they are kind or thoughtful. Ask her if she would appreciate such things being said about her. Sometimes putting yourself in someone else's position can help you to see the impact of your own behavior.

Encourage her to air her grievances face to face in the future, rather than typing them out in a text. Remind her of the Golden Rule. It really is smart to treat people the way you would like to be treated. Typically, that includes not typing out a knee-jerk reaction for others to see.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)