DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother is in her mid-80s, and she is lucky to have a core group of friends who have been by her side since they were children. They go out regularly to lunch or shopping or to church. It's very sweet to see how they have stayed connected. What's sad of late is that several members of her friend group have died. One husband and wife died within days of each other. My mother doesn't want to go to any more funerals, she said, because it is making her depressed. I understand that. At the same time, these are her very close friends. How can I help her to balance what she does or doesn't attend? I can't go with her to these services, as we do not live in the same state. -- Grieving for Mom, Washington, D.C.

DEAR GRIEVING FOR MOM: Encourage your mother to continue her outings with her friends. These activities will remind her of the vitality that they do have. Talk to her about the friends she has lost as well, and learn about her state of mind. An unfortunate side effect of living a long life is that you do lose many loved ones along the way. Gently remind her of how fortunate she is to have had these people for so long.

Ask your mother about her current thoughts about going to funerals. If she feels she cannot handle it emotionally, do not push her. Suggest that she send a condolence card and call the surviving family members to see how they are doing. If she doesn't feel up to attending the service, do not make her feel guilty about it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband told me that one of his co-workers has been making passes at him on a regular basis. When he told me, he was almost proud about it, that this young woman was paying attention to him. He and I have been at odds over little things for a long time. We often argue and rarely go on dates or do anything to stimulate our bond. I'm a little worried that given how we are not doing so well right now, this coworker might become too tempting. How can I make sure that doesn't happen? -- Reader

DEAR READER: Consider this a wake-up call. Rather than focusing on the co-worker, take a fresh look at your marriage. What can you do to make it more interesting? Why not plan a weekly date when you two choose to spend time together? Stop taking your relationship for granted. Pay attention to what's happening in your life, and make a concerted effort to improve wherever you can.

Ask your husband to join you in rekindling tenderness and respect in your marriage. Tell him you miss the joy that you once shared. Ask him if he feels the same. If you work together to overcome your hurdles, you will be building a bridge back to each and shutting down the space for someone else to come in.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work for an international organization, and we regularly have conference calls to discuss projects that we are working on. I'm amazed at how effective these calls can be, even though the timing for them is sometimes a challenge. Because we hail from so many time zones, the calls are always going to be at an off-time for somebody. The problem comes when people join the call late. One of my colleagues is late almost every time. He doesn't seem to understand the importance of being timely. Another guy fails to put his phone on mute, and we have heard everything in the background -- including a toilet flushing. Can you explain the protocol of how to handle virtual conference calls, please? -- Conference Call Etiquette, Saginaw, Michigan

DEAR CONFERENCE CALL ETIQUETTE: Just because you can't see people doesn't mean you should be less professional. That's the first rule. Approach a conference call in the same way you would an in-person meeting. Show up early if you can. Call the given number a few minutes before the appointed time. Often, the system will put you in a virtual holding area. Have all of your notes and materials handy so that you aren't shuffling papers around. Eliminate distractions by turning off such things as TVs or email. Put your phone on mute except for when you are speaking. Pay close attention to the conversation. When you speak, say your name each time before talking to help the others on the phone be sure about who is contributing at the time. Don't hog the conversation. Keep your comments succinct. Speak clearly and directly into the phone to make it easy for others to hear you. Be sure to say goodbye before you hang up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter came home from school with a bloody lip and a bump on her head. She says she was playing basketball with one of her friends and they collided, both falling to the ground. These kids are 12 years old and get along fine. But after this accident, they both took to their phones and started texting their friends, talking about each other. It was so rude. I get that they were upset about what happened -- my daughter especially, since she got hurt -- but I do not think that it's a good idea to badmouth your friends in this way. What can I say to my daughter to encourage her not to do that in the future? -- Fair Play, Denver

DEAR FAIR PLAY: With your daughter's phone in hand, show her the texts that went back and forth between her and her friends. Ask her if she thinks that they are kind or thoughtful. Ask her if she would appreciate such things being said about her. Sometimes putting yourself in someone else's position can help you to see the impact of your own behavior.

Encourage her to air her grievances face to face in the future, rather than typing them out in a text. Remind her of the Golden Rule. It really is smart to treat people the way you would like to be treated. Typically, that includes not typing out a knee-jerk reaction for others to see.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine called from out of the blue, saying she was coming to town and asking if she could stay with me for a couple of weeks. Normally I might be OK with that, although it is an extended period of time. But my husband and I have been arguing ferociously of late, and I don't think it is wise to bring somebody into the middle of that. I wish I could say that we are working out our differences, but it doesn't feel like that. It feels like we are clawing at each other over every little thing. I have suggested counseling, but he isn't close to that yet. How can I say no to my friend without hurting her feelings and without saying too much about my marital dispute? -- Not Open for Business, Dallas

DEAR NOT OPEN FOR BUSINESS: Keep it concise when you talk to your friend. Apologize as you tell her that this is not a good time for your family to welcome guests, so you cannot invite her to stay with you. Let her know that if she does come to town, you hope to get together with her during her visit. If possible, meet her at a restaurant for dinner or drinks. Let her do the talking. This will help prevent you from slipping into conversation about your marital troubles.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a social the other day and ran into a guy who used to work with me about 10 years ago. I haven't seen him for a long time, but we used to be good friends back in the day. When he saw me, he immediately came over and we gave each other a hug. But then he started berating me for not being in touch with him. It got awkward -- fast. Neither of us has been in touch with the other in a long time. I chalk that up to life. For some reason, though, he was all bent out of shape by it. How could I have helped to make that situation easier to manage? -- Awkward Encounter, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR AWKWARD ENCOUNTER: What I have done in a similar situation is to remind the person of how wonderful it is to see him or her right now. I attempt to be in the moment. One time I had to shake the person's shoulders a bit and say, "Real friends just pick up where they left off. Can we do that?" That definitely got the person to stop complaining.

The goal in a situation like that is to snap the person into the present. All you have, after all, is the moment you are in. To the best of your ability, point that out. Be kind about it, too. Sometimes when we see long-lost loved ones, we can feel overcome with emotion and a bit of sorrow that so much time has passed. The best you can do in a situation like that is to genuinely offer your love and leave it at that.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)