DEAR HARRIETTE: I work for an international organization, and we regularly have conference calls to discuss projects that we are working on. I'm amazed at how effective these calls can be, even though the timing for them is sometimes a challenge. Because we hail from so many time zones, the calls are always going to be at an off-time for somebody. The problem comes when people join the call late. One of my colleagues is late almost every time. He doesn't seem to understand the importance of being timely. Another guy fails to put his phone on mute, and we have heard everything in the background -- including a toilet flushing. Can you explain the protocol of how to handle virtual conference calls, please? -- Conference Call Etiquette, Saginaw, Michigan

DEAR CONFERENCE CALL ETIQUETTE: Just because you can't see people doesn't mean you should be less professional. That's the first rule. Approach a conference call in the same way you would an in-person meeting. Show up early if you can. Call the given number a few minutes before the appointed time. Often, the system will put you in a virtual holding area. Have all of your notes and materials handy so that you aren't shuffling papers around. Eliminate distractions by turning off such things as TVs or email. Put your phone on mute except for when you are speaking. Pay close attention to the conversation. When you speak, say your name each time before talking to help the others on the phone be sure about who is contributing at the time. Don't hog the conversation. Keep your comments succinct. Speak clearly and directly into the phone to make it easy for others to hear you. Be sure to say goodbye before you hang up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter came home from school with a bloody lip and a bump on her head. She says she was playing basketball with one of her friends and they collided, both falling to the ground. These kids are 12 years old and get along fine. But after this accident, they both took to their phones and started texting their friends, talking about each other. It was so rude. I get that they were upset about what happened -- my daughter especially, since she got hurt -- but I do not think that it's a good idea to badmouth your friends in this way. What can I say to my daughter to encourage her not to do that in the future? -- Fair Play, Denver

DEAR FAIR PLAY: With your daughter's phone in hand, show her the texts that went back and forth between her and her friends. Ask her if she thinks that they are kind or thoughtful. Ask her if she would appreciate such things being said about her. Sometimes putting yourself in someone else's position can help you to see the impact of your own behavior.

Encourage her to air her grievances face to face in the future, rather than typing them out in a text. Remind her of the Golden Rule. It really is smart to treat people the way you would like to be treated. Typically, that includes not typing out a knee-jerk reaction for others to see.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine called from out of the blue, saying she was coming to town and asking if she could stay with me for a couple of weeks. Normally I might be OK with that, although it is an extended period of time. But my husband and I have been arguing ferociously of late, and I don't think it is wise to bring somebody into the middle of that. I wish I could say that we are working out our differences, but it doesn't feel like that. It feels like we are clawing at each other over every little thing. I have suggested counseling, but he isn't close to that yet. How can I say no to my friend without hurting her feelings and without saying too much about my marital dispute? -- Not Open for Business, Dallas

DEAR NOT OPEN FOR BUSINESS: Keep it concise when you talk to your friend. Apologize as you tell her that this is not a good time for your family to welcome guests, so you cannot invite her to stay with you. Let her know that if she does come to town, you hope to get together with her during her visit. If possible, meet her at a restaurant for dinner or drinks. Let her do the talking. This will help prevent you from slipping into conversation about your marital troubles.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a social the other day and ran into a guy who used to work with me about 10 years ago. I haven't seen him for a long time, but we used to be good friends back in the day. When he saw me, he immediately came over and we gave each other a hug. But then he started berating me for not being in touch with him. It got awkward -- fast. Neither of us has been in touch with the other in a long time. I chalk that up to life. For some reason, though, he was all bent out of shape by it. How could I have helped to make that situation easier to manage? -- Awkward Encounter, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR AWKWARD ENCOUNTER: What I have done in a similar situation is to remind the person of how wonderful it is to see him or her right now. I attempt to be in the moment. One time I had to shake the person's shoulders a bit and say, "Real friends just pick up where they left off. Can we do that?" That definitely got the person to stop complaining.

The goal in a situation like that is to snap the person into the present. All you have, after all, is the moment you are in. To the best of your ability, point that out. Be kind about it, too. Sometimes when we see long-lost loved ones, we can feel overcome with emotion and a bit of sorrow that so much time has passed. The best you can do in a situation like that is to genuinely offer your love and leave it at that.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my best friends is very sick, and I don't know what to do. I went to visit her the other day, and just looking at her, I could see that, shy of a miracle, she is not long for this world. She is such a private person that she hadn't let me know how bad it was. I want to be there to help her in any way that I can, but she really isn't letting me. She has no family here. She lives alone. I want to help her, whether it would be as an advocate with her doctors, to bring her some soup or even just to give her a hug. But she seems to prefer to be alone. How can I support my friend when she doesn't really want it? -- At My Wits' End, Detroit

DEAR AT MY WITS' END: I am so sorry to hear about your friend's illness. When loved ones fall ill, it affects not just them, but everyone who cares about them, as you are seeing. It is also their prerogative to deal with their illness however they choose. Some people welcome conversation about what's going on. Others clam up because they either don't want others around, or they can't deal with their reality themselves. Whatever your friend's case, it truly is up to her to decide if you can step closer into her world to help her.

Rather than being pushy, what you can do is call her daily to check in on her. You can ask her if she needs anything -- food, help with any paperwork that may need to be handled (often, people who are sick become delinquent with their bills) or a hug. She may say no a thousand times, but one time the answer may be yes. Be ready for that, and jump to it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a sister who is very controlling. She thinks she is nice, but my experience of her is that she has to be in charge of every conversation, every activity -- just everything. That was OK when we were children, but we are both adults now. We don't live near each other anymore. When I go to her town, I always make it a point to visit with her -- again, on her terms. I can never get her to go to an event with me. We do what she wants. I'm tired of it. How can I break out of this cycle? -- Little Sis, Chicago

DEAR LITTLE SIS: Rather than trying to change her, why not accept her for who she is? That doesn't mean you have to do whatever she says. But if you realize that your sister is set in her ways, which includes being unsociable, it can help you to enjoy a controlled experience with her, followed by your exit. She may not be comfortable flowing from one activity to the next. This may be why she chooses to be mostly at home. Consider yourself blessed to be free of such constrictions. This will help you to be in and out of your sister's life without being sucked into her drama.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)