DEAR HARRIETTE: New York City is a very busy city. The other day, I had to travel to work using the subway -- which I rarely do -- and I had a crazy interaction. The weather was freezing cold and it had been snowing for days, but this day it stopped and the snow began to freeze on the ground. Walking to the train station for work, everyone was walking slower than usual to avoid slipping -- which is understandable. As I approached the subway, a lady, who was approximately 60 years old, began walking slowly in front of me, I'm assuming because of the icy ground. That was fine with me, but I was in a rush, so I went to walk around her; she shifted in front of me. She began to do this continually for more than five minutes, and I got annoyed. I got the feeling she was doing this on purpose, and I had the notion to trip her up for getting in front of me. Am I wrong for even thinking this? -- Impatient, New York City

DEAR IMPATIENT: Ever heard of the winter blues? Sounds like you've got a heavy dose of them right now! Living in the extreme cold of winter can be tough for people. Being out in the elements and being forced to move slowly can prove frustrating even when you are alone, worse when someone in front of you is slowing you down.

You already know that thinking hurtful thoughts about people is unkind. Thank goodness it was only thoughts that you had. What could you have done differently? Imagine if you stepped up next to this woman who is older than you and offered her your arm so that she would feel more secure while walking? Instead of frustration, you might have begun to feel compassion. Next time you sense extreme emotion welling up in you, invite compassion to take its place. It works!

DEAR HARRIETTE: When times are hard, I try to think positive and stay strong. I've been incarcerated for one year with one more year left on my sentence. I can't go into detail about my circumstances; however, I will note that I previously worked in the banking industry and that I have never been abusive, stolen, murdered anyone or done anything like these extreme cases. I am married, and I have one beautiful daughter who means the world to me. Since I have been in prison, my wife's visits have begun to decrease and the responses to my letters have been on the decline. I am beginning to believe that my wife might be cheating on me. I understand it's definitely not easy for her to be alone, but I just don't know what to think at this point. What do you think? -- Almost Home, Racine, Wisconsin

DEAR ALMOST HOME: With a year left before you return home, you need to stay positive. Do your best not to worry about that which you cannot control. Instead, focus on what you will do when you are released. How will you earn a living? Figure that out.

As far as your family goes, continue to write to your wife. Describe your plans for the future and ask her if she is willing to re-establish your family when you get out. Ask her not to give up on you.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have recently been let go from my job's two-year training program, and it was totally unexpected. I had put in a lot of time, hard work and effort into that position, and I always felt like I had been undervalued. After graduating college, I realized the career path I had chosen was good for me, but the company and position made me miserable. I was working long hours, and I was not passionate about the work. I am trying to look at this as a blessing that I realized in my early 20s rather than my later years. On another note, even though I got fired, I have saved up enough funds to cover rent for a couple of months. Since I will be able to take care of rent, is it necessary that I tell my roommate that I got fired? -- Poised for Next, Silver Spring, Maryland

DEAR POISED FOR NEXT: Blessings do come in unusual packages. You should be grateful that you figured out what you don't want to do early in your career and that you have money saved to support yourself as you look for a job.

For integrity's sake, you should tell your roommate of your status and your intentions for getting a job. Lay out your reality clearly, so that you both know when you have to be employed before your ability to pay rent could be an issue. If you get near that point, discuss adding a roommate or moving out. Honesty really does work.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. I have been committed to one guy for nearly three years; however, we have not been in an official relationship. I'm a junior in college, and I no longer want to continue our relationship without the title, even though everyone knows that we are involved. Not having an official title allows him to mess with another girl, and I don't want that. For the past two years, he hasn't been able to take me out for Valentine's Day for reasons beyond his control, but I really want it to happen this year. I've expressed my concerns and feelings to him, so I hope it happens. If he doesn't make us official or spend time with me for Valentine's Day, should I end things? -- Make a Decision, Chicago

DEAR MAKE A DECISION: I hope that you will not make a decision about the end of your relationship based on whether you had a date on Valentine's Day. That really isn't your issue.

You want to be in a committed relationship, and your boyfriend has not demonstrated that same desire. What day you go out to celebrate is far less important than the status of your bond. If you want more, you have to put your foot down and require it -- or move on. Since you already are in a relationship with a man who has chosen not to be exclusive and you have accepted that for two years, it may be hard to get him to change his ways at this point. You have to change -- and that probably means changing who you date.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am wondering what should I do if I no longer want to be friends with someone. I was friends with this girl who used to live in my dorm, and everyone (70 people) warned me that she is crazy. There had been drama, I guess, but I was abroad when it happened and I don't like to judge people based off other people's opinions, so I decided to give it a chance. We had a lot in common, but after a few months, I realized she is nuts. Not only that, but she uses crass and vulgar language, especially in mixed company, and she tries to act all tough and hard, often making comments to others we are with about how she used to date drug dealers. She can be rude at the flip of a switch. When one of my friends couldn't hang out with her, she sent my friend a long text message cursing her out. She also has the tendency to talk really openly about her boyfriend. I've met her boyfriend once, and they both would talk about how they cheated on each other or other explicit sexual things they do.

In essence, I don't think she is the type of person I want to be friends with, and she is not someone I want people to think I am associated with. This may seem mean, but she and her boyfriend act kind of like white trash, and I don't want to be bothered. Not to mention the fact that her boyfriend is this white guy who acts all hood and uses the N-word constantly to refer to his friends as a term of endearment, but I don't find it amusing.

How should I go about distancing myself from her? I don't want to be rude, but I also don't want to be friends anymore. -- No Home Training, Boston

DEAR NO HOME TRAINING: To sever your relationship with this woman and her boyfriend gracefully, start by actually stopping your judgment of her. Stop thinking of her as crazy or of them as "white trash." Instead, acknowledge that you do not want to be friends with her anymore. Decide that you are prepared to walk away -- even if the short-term repercussions mean that she may talk about you. It doesn't matter what she or her boyfriend says about you. You know yourself.

You can simply stop contacting her, agreeing to hang out, talking to her on the phone, etc. Or you can wish her well as you tell her that you have decided to stop hanging out with the two of them. If she asks why, tell her that her behavior upsets you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend gave me a Valentine's gift, and I think he should have kept it. What a waste! He gave me what looks like something he could have gotten off the street. The chocolate box was dirty, and the flower wilted. Really? I didn't say anything, but I want to tell him that if he can't do better than that, why bother? What do you think? -- Bad Gift, Milwaukee

DEAR BAD GIFT: Zip your lips. He remembered. You can toss the chocolates and the flower, but don't rub it in his face that you don't like them. Appreciate the thought.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)