DEAR HARRIETTE: I am an artist, and I have been working on a collection of paintings for several years now. I have another artist friend who I visit with my family every year. I have shown him my work as it has been evolving, and he often has great input. Well, fast forward to last week. My friend had an art show, and my wife and I attended. I have to tell you I was a little bit taken aback when I saw his work. While it wasn't a direct copy of mine, it definitely was majorly derivative. I'm not sure how I should deal with this. I feel like it was more than inspiration. I really feel like he kind of copied me without ever saying anything. I don't want to sue him or anything, but I feel violated. What should I do about this? Should I say anything? -- Duped, Detroit

DEAR DUPED: Given that you say that you and this man are good friends, you can have a heart-to-heart conversation with him. Congratulate him on his show, and tell him that you were very surprised to see a collection that felt highly reminiscent of the work you have been creating and sharing with him. The best you are going to get from him is an apology -- if you get that.

The lesson here is that it's best to create your work and present it when it's ready as opposed to revealing it to others -- even those who are close to you -- along the way. Even when people don't mean to be influenced by your work, it can easily happen with no mal intent.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am an early riser. I like to wake up as the sun rises and start my day. My wife, on the other hand, likes to stay up late at night, so naturally she gets up late. She is lucky that her workday starts a bit later than average, so it can work for her to be leisurely in the morning. The problem with our schedules is that we hardly get a chance to talk to each other. By the time she gets up, I am headed off to work. We sometimes eat dinner together, but not always. Plus, at night I'm ready to go to bed when she is just winding up. I am afraid that it if we keep going like this, we will drift apart from each other. I want us to be close, but it's not happening these days. -- Finding Time, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR FINDING TIME: Here's where a schedule comes in. Suggest to your wife that you have weekly meetings to discuss family business and weekly dates where you choose to do something fun together. The meetings are designed to help you review bills, schedules, important events or experiences. The fun can mean that you go out together with the intention of enjoying each other's company or even that you stay at home but spend time together while there.

Make an appeal to your wife that you miss being close to her and want to discover ways that you can keep your different natural schedules while also making time for each other.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a college junior who moved far away from home to explore more of life's opportunities for a young man. I attend a historically black college and have managed to maintain a good name for myself when it comes to the social and educational aspects on campus. But there's a plot twist. My younger cousin will now attend the same university next year. This brings up so many red flags. It's not because of her; it's the people and the guys at the school -- some of whom are my friends and associates. The girls at the university can attract drama, and the guys are savages for women. My hope is that she can enjoy college while still being the young angel she is. I think I should have a talk with her before school so she knows I'm here if necessary. Do you have any advice for a young lady beginning college? -- Big Cuz, Washington, D.C.

DEAR BIG CUZ: Consider it a blessing that you will be on campus when your younger cousin comes to town. Definitely have a talk with her where you describe the lay of the land. Point out all of the positive attributes of the school and campus, and highlight the things she should be wary of. This includes people. If you know that there are unsavory folks from whom she should keep her distance, be ready to let her know. This doesn't mean that you provide her with a list. Instead, suggest that she check in with you as she is making friends and building relationships so that she can gain intelligence about the people you know.

Be careful not to come across too heavy-handed. This is likely her first time away from home. The last thing she wants is to have her cousin playing her puppeteer. Be gentle and clear that you want to support her on her journey.

For any young female about to attend college (and males, too), remember the values you were taught growing up, even when your parents are not around. Take your time to get to know people. Focus on your studies, and enjoy the social scene in moderation.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A short time ago I moved to New York, and I'm really excited to have finally settled in to my new apartment. Fresh out of college, I'm working my dream job in the fashion industry. New York Fashion Week is around the corner and, as you could assume, it will be a busy week for me. On that note, a very close friend of mine is planning to visit New York the same week and wants to crash at my place. I have no problem with her staying, but she also asked if her boyfriend could stay. I've met her boyfriend a few times and he is a good guy, but they're one of those couples that are very hands-on. The last thing I'd want is another person having sex in my home -- probably on my couch. Yuck. Should I decline my friend's request or lay down strict rules for staying at my place? -- House Rules, Queens, New York

DEAR HOUSE RULES: You can explain to your friend what your expectations are, and hope that she will honor your request. However, you cannot police them. And if your gut tells you that they are going to "get busy," trust yourself. This may be a time to say no, especially since you will be very busy working.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: An elderly couple lives next door to me in an apartment in a gated community. I have become very fond of this couple over the years -- we are all animal lovers. I recently learned that the couple has three more dogs than the three I see them walking. The three other dogs remain in the unit. This means there are six dogs living in a small one-bedroom apartment. The association allows only two pets to a unit. They walk the three dogs

I knew about behind their unit so not too many people see them.

The realization that this couple has three other dogs that never see the light of day indicated to me they are hoarders. I have never been in their home in the eight years I have lived next door to them. I am very concerned for them as their health is not good, but also for the welfare of their dogs. I do have to admit the dogs seem to be well cared for and in good health. If I were to report them, I know our friendship would be over. I have hinted my concerns to them. They are pretty reclusive and in denial that anything is wrong. Please advise. -- Dog Lover, Salt Lake City

DEAR DOG LOVER: This is tricky. As you know, many people bend the rules of their condo association, often to no one's detriment. It sounds like you are certain of three dogs that are well kept. Even though the additional dog you've seen is against the association policy, you see that all dogs seem healthy.

You also say that you are aware of three more dogs. If you have not seen them, how can you verify that? I do not believe that you should tell the association about your suspicions. You could be completely wrong.

Instead, as a caring neighbor, continue to talk to the couple. If you can offer any support to them -- especially given their fragile health -- by all means do so. Otherwise, you really have nothing to report.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've recently been contracted to a production company for its upcoming all-star weekend events. My team consists of colleagues tasked with different job duties all with equal authority, and I genuinely like working with them. Thus far, we have been able to get a lot accomplished; however, we do have an account guy and a production girl always having heated arguments over who made mistakes. I understand everyone doesn't have to get along on a team, but they could at least attempt to act civil with each other. I understand their passion to keep the client happy and figure out where things went wrong, but I think the way they communicate could be more effective. Do you think I should talk to them individually, or should I just leave these things as they are? -- End the Feud, New York City

DEAR END THE FEUD: Unless you are in a position of authority, it is unlikely that you will even be heard if you go to these people asking them to stop fussing. If they get loud around you, you could ask them to keep it down because it's hard to work in the midst of their noise. Otherwise, ignore them and get your work done.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)