DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been running my department at my job for the past five years. At the beginning of this year, a woman who used to work for me was promoted and now shares equal status with me. I used to oversee all of the accounts; now she oversees a few of them directly. When I learned of this arrangement, I was shocked, but I have worked hard to ensure that we get along in these new roles. She, on the other hand, has not been conciliatory at all. I find her to behave suspiciously and not to be a team player anymore. I get that she now has more power than she had, but we still have to work together. I have made many overtures, but I feel like it's a lost cause. Her negativity is affecting the team's morale. What can I do to help our working relationship? -- Need a Strategy, Boston

DEAR NEED A STRATEGY: Your colleague may need some time to find her sea legs in this new job. Since she once reported to you, she probably feels reluctant to come to you for advice or support just yet. Rather than more emphatically attempting to reach out to her, give her a wider berth. Do your job. Make sure your team members feel confident about their responsibilities. And take care of yourself. You could be smarting a bit from what might seem like a slight in your direction considering that this woman was promoted. Slow down. Observe. Guide your team. Give your colleague and yourself a chance to find your footing in your new relationship.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My next-door neighbors just got a puppy, and my children are beside themselves with joy. They want a dog so badly, but it is not going to happen. For one, I am a single mom and do not have time to take care of a dog. No matter what my kids say, it will end up being my responsibility. We live in an apartment building, so it's not like I can just put the dog outside to go to the bathroom. He would have to be walked. More than that, though, I am highly allergic. I am even allergic to the ones who are supposed to be hypoallergenic. Because my children love dogs, I allow them to go next door to play with this new puppy, as long as they thoroughly wash their hands when they come home. Sometimes I also have to get them to change their clothes if they are covered in dog hair. That's all I can do. How can I get them to understand? -- Puppy-Free, Chicago

DEAR PUPPY-FREE: Remain firm and compassionate with your children. Acknowledge their love of dogs and express your sorrow that you cannot welcome a dog into your home. Reiterate the specific reasons why you cannot accommodate their desires. Start with your health concerns, as they are absolute. The additional piece is logistical. Be as liberal as you can about allowing them to visit with the pup next door. Be sure to check in with the owners to make sure that your children do not overstay their welcome.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 23 years old, and I recently moved to the Big Apple with my best friend after college. We've been friends since sophomore year, and we've cultivated a strong relationship -- our families are even close. We both had such busy work schedules at first that we didn't date anyone. After transitioning to New York, the waters have calmed a bit, and my roommate has managed to begin dating now. I had not met the guy yet, but I was happy to see that she was happy. One day, she finally brought him over to the house, but to my surprise, I knew him from college. I met him freshman year, and we once had sexual relations. I don't want to tell her because the situation really meant nothing, but I also don't want her getting attached without me saying something. What should I do? -- Remembering the Past, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR REMEMBERING THE PAST: It is great that you and your college friend have moved together and started your professional life together. It is comforting to launch your lives as adults with friends. Because you two have a shared background -- your college -- you naturally would have shared friends. In this case, unless you had a real relationship with this man, let that experience remain in the past. You may not be proud about your past experience with this person, but if it was truly incidental and is completely over, it should have no relevance now. Of course, you can tell her that you know him, but leave it at that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: As a recent graduate now working full time, I want to make sure I'm currently taking advantage of all career opportunities. Being new to an industry can be exciting and also tough because in big companies, you could be the first to be fired in a tough economy. On the other hand, you also serve as the fuel to encourage new energy in a company. I work as an entry-level investment banker, and I would like to begin seeking industry advice from experienced colleagues. I understand that most conversations like this happen off the clock during lunch meetings, but I lack the funds to actually cover these activities on a starting salary. Do you have any recommendations for seeking industry guidance from colleagues while remaining frugal? -- Making Connections, New York City

DEAR MAKING CONNECTIONS: At this stage in your career, the best strategy may be to attend industry events where business leaders may be present, and make a beeline over to speak to them. You can also keep your eyes open at work as you are walking through the halls, waiting at the elevator, or in the cafeteria. If you see an executive, go over and introduce yourself and say that you are new in the industry and would love to learn from that person. Ask if you could set up an informational interview at some point. Get the person's contact information and follow up immediately. You may get a meeting in someone's office that won't cost you anything.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother asked me to go into business with him on an idea he has had for a long time. I love my brother so much and want to support him, but I don't really think his idea is sound. He has shown me the numbers on how much it will cost to build it out and when it is expected to be profitable. Honestly, they don't seem realistic. I am not a businessman, but my gut says this not a good idea for me to be part of. I have limited resources, and I can't afford to lose five figures in order to support my brother. He is so mad that I am probably not going to do it. When I told him, he stormed off. What can I do to help him understand that I support him, but I cannot be his partner at this time? -- Brother Biz, Chicago

DEAR BROTHER BIZ: One way you may be able to help your brother is to get someone with financial know-how to review the business plan that he has put forth. Get a professional to give input on how viable this project seems, and share that with your brother. If it seems sound, tell him -- even if you choose not to be part of it anyhow. If it seems unstable, make sure you let him know that as well.

Remind your brother that you love and respect him and that this doesn't change based upon your going into business with him -- at least not for you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter likes to sing in the mornings, which I find to be really sweet. She is 12 years old, and as she is growing up, she remains a nice girl. Contrast her with my son, who is grumpy in the morning and who hates that his sister likes to sing. My 14-year-old young man wants everything to be quiet in the morning as he begrudgingly gets up and gets ready for school. I want to honor both of my children, but it seems impossible. How can I let each of them have personal space and somehow spark joy in them at the same time? -- Happy Vs. Grumpy, Denver

DEAR HAPPY VS. GRUMPY: Some people like quiet in the morning, while others enjoy sound. Your children are on opposite sides of this spectrum. Why not negotiate with them to swap out the noise factor on a daily basis? When it's your daughter's day, suggest that she sing with the bathroom door closed so that the sound doesn't travel as far. When it's your son's day, request that your daughter refrain from singing. Because children can be so literal, reinforce the rules by fully allowing each child his or her agreement -- provided they remain respectful to each other and the family.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)