DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbor is going to the funeral of one of her family members, and it's out of town. She came to me the other day to ask if I would watch her cat while she is away. I am allergic to cats, so I told her no. But even if I were not allergic, I think that is a whole lot to ask. I know that there are kennels for animals when people have to go away. Why wouldn't she have just gone there? I have never played with her cat. I don't even go over her house because I know the cat will make me sneeze. Anyhow, now my neighbor is mad at me. She said I was being uncaring because I did not help her out in her time of need. I told her I would keep an eye out on her house, but that I just can't watch her cat. What else could I have done? She is my neighbor, and I would like to support her, but we aren't close at all. -- Which Way to Turn, Boston

DEAR WHICH WAY TO TURN: You were smart not to accept watching the cat when you are allergic. Without hearing you, I cannot attest as to how you let her know you couldn't do it, but tone is everything. You may have hurt her already-fragile feelings by summarily rejecting her need.

You may have tried to be more helpful, saying you cannot take the cat but suggesting others who might be able to do it or even recommending a kennel. Sometimes when people are grieving, they don't think straight. She may not have thought of the kennel.

DEAR HARRIETTE: When I was a freshman in college, a hometown friend who attended a neighboring university introduced me to her roommate. The girl was beautiful, she had an amazing personality and she was from my hometown. After meeting for the first time, we exchanged numbers and then developed a great relationship over the years. By my junior year of college, we began to go on dates and soon became romantically involved. Through conversation, I learned that she actually knew my cousin. He is my cousin through marriage, but we have a good relationship. Apparently they liked each other during middle or high school. This kind of confused me; however, it could have been premature kid love. To this day, she never explicitly stated if they ever had sexual relations, so I'm not sure. I don't know if her messing with my cousin is a reason not to date someone. Do you think I should stop pursuing her, or should I not worry about things that were before my time? -- Past or Present, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR PAST OR PRESENT: The only reason for you to be concerned about the relationship that this young lady had with your cousin is if your cousin is still interested in her. Since years have passed and he's now married to your cousin, it sounds as if the past is exactly there.

It is none of your business who your girlfriend's previous sexual partners have been. If you want to be in a relationship with her, stay in the present. If you want to make sure that you have your cousin's blessing, ask for that.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am very active on Facebook and recently started a lively conversation while watching a popular TV show. A lot of people joined in, and we were going back and forth with differing opinions and views. It was refreshing to see people going all out and expressing their thoughts.

Then I noticed that one person wrote a comment that was extremely derogatory toward me. It was personal. It didn't have anything to do with the topic we were discussing. Basically, he started badmouthing me in the worst possible way. I deleted his comment only to have him come back and write multiple bad postings on my page. I was horrified. I can't understand why a person would do something like that. I then went to his page to see who he is and if we have any mutual friends. While I do not know him, we do share friends.

I know that not everybody on Facebook is your actual friend, though, so I called up one of our mutual "friends" and asked about this person only to find that he didn't know him at all. I am so frustrated. What can I do now? I don't want him creeping around my page anymore. -- Dissed in Cyberspace, Washington, D.C.

DEAR DISSED IN CYBERSPACE: Sadly, people frequently use social media to express extreme opinions, especially when there is some sense of anonymity. You did the right thing by checking him out with your actual friend and also deleting his foul messages.

You can do one more thing: You can go into your settings and permanently block him from viewing your page or posting on it. At least in that incarnation of the cyber world, you can be rid of him.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just got a new job. I am thrilled, but I'm also in a really tough situation. I have been working on my own for the past few years. I currently have two assistants who have worked with me with incredible loyalty. I cannot take both of them with me. If I'm lucky, I can take one. I feel really bad that I have to choose and that one person is likely to be out of work. How can I handle this to reduce hard feelings? -- Moving On, Dallas

DEAR MOVING ON: As emotional as this must seem for you right now, your job is to step back and be a careful observer. Evaluate each of your employees. Be clear about their strengths and challenges. Now think about your new job. What skills and attributes would an assistant need to have? Which one of these two people is a match, if either? Only hire someone who is well-suited for the role.

If you do choose one, let that person know and privately let the other employee know everyone's status. Do not try to keep the changes a secret. Instead, do your best to help the employee you will be releasing to find new employment. Full transparency is the way to go.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my best friends has been down in the dumps for a long time now. Ever since the new year, it seems to have gotten worse. It's not that she is without good reason. She lost her job a few years ago and was getting unemployment insurance until the time ran out. Now she is piecing together jobs here or there, but hardly making enough money to keep her place and eat. I am at a loss for how to help her. I do not have any real money to give her, and I don't have room for her to live with my family and me. But she is my friend. I want to do something to lift her spirits. Any ideas? -- Worried Friend, Racine, Wisconsin

DEAR WORRIED FRIEND: Your friend may be able to find support through a local community organization or house of worship. Often these places host food banks where they give away groceries on a daily or weekly basis. These same organizations commonly offer spiritual counseling, which can be helpful for someone who is depressed. The local unemployment office should offer workshops on staying employment-viable. Your friend can check into the availability of classes, workshops and counseling there.

Research the outlets listed above and present them to your friend as options for support. Stay positive and let her know you believe in her. When people have been out of work for prolonged periods of time, they often lose faith in themselves. Be a cheerleader!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a recent college graduate, and now I work as an investment banker for one of the top global investment banks. I studied finance during college and figured this would be a commendable career path. However, almost eight months in, I have come to the conclusion that this is truly not for me. I had some forewarning about my career path and its work hours, but mine are insane. I'm just not happy, and I'd never want to compromise my happiness for monetary gain. I make decent money for my age, but I don't even have enough time to spend the money I make. All of my spare time is used either to sleep or to finish work tasks at home that didn't get completed. I don't know what specific career would make me happy at the age of 23, but I know what I'm doing right now is not it. Do you have any suggestions? -- Gotta Go, New York City

DEAR GOTTA GO: I strongly recommend that you stay for a bit longer. While this may not be your career track long-term, what you should do for your professional reputation is to work there for at least a year, preferably longer, to show that you are not a quitter. You want to build a reputation of being a professional who takes your job seriously.

Instead of giving up just yet, learn everything you can about your industry and master your job. You never know when you will need those skills in the future. While you are working so hard, save as much money as you can. This will be your cushion when you leave your job and work to figure out what's next.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)