DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in an apartment building -- a high-rise, to be exact. I moved in a few years ago. For the most part, I like it. My one problem is my next-door neighbor. She works from home and lives alone. Like clockwork, when I come home from a long day at work, I can count on her knocking on my door a few minutes after I walk in. I like her and all, but when I come home, I want to relax and decompress. I am not sure of the etiquette in a situation like this. I don't want to be rude to my neighbor, but she needs to understand that I need my privacy, too. -- Where to Draw the Line, Detroit

DEAR WHERE TO DRAW THE LINE: You have the right not to answer the door when your neighbor rings the bell. If you don't let her in, you don't have to try to figure out how to get her to leave. You can also tell her that, as a matter of course, you need space when you come home, so you want her to respect you by not coming over right away without being invited.

That may seem harsh, but in order to get her to change her behavior, you have to identify, articulate and enforce boundaries on her visits. Because you have consistently allowed her to visit with you at her leisure, she probably has no idea that it is annoying to you. Let her know what you need at the end of your day, and ask her to honor that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I read with interest your response to the man who was heartbroken by the death of his mentor. You missed an obvious response: He could become a mentor. What better way to honor his mentor than to pass on what he shared? The man could share the story of his mentor with those he mentors, continuing his legacy and perhaps inspiring the next generation of mentors. Or maybe he could establish a scholarship in his mentor's name for those who want to study his specialty. Mentors are priceless. -- Touched By Loss, Johnstown, Pennsylvania

DEAR TOUCHED BY LOSS: Great point! Mentoring is one of the most powerful gifts a person can offer to another. Bringing your expertise, wisdom and guidance to someone else who is looking to learn and grow can be rewarding for people on both sides.

Since the previous writer was mourning his mentor's loss, you are right that he could pay it forward by sharing the nuggets of wisdom that he learned from the mentor to all who cross his path. This helps to ensure that the cycle of giving continues indefinitely.

For others out there who may be wondering if they have the chops to become a mentor, do a self-assessment. What do you have to offer that would be of value to someone else? What knowledge, skill set or strategies do you have that would benefit someone you know? If you can pinpoint those answers, you will be poised when someone crosses your path who wants and needs your support.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who I always thought was gay. I was OK with that. It's his business, and I really do believe people should be able to do whatever makes them happy. So the other day he came to visit to tell me that he is getting married to a woman, and she's pregnant. I was so shocked I didn't even know what to say. Over the years I have seen him with lots of men, but never once with a woman. I've been married for five years, and I know how much of a commitment marriage is. I wonder if he gets that, and also, if he is gay, how is he going to do this? Given that he is a good friend of mine, I want to talk to him about it, just to see where his head is. Is that going too far on my part? -- Crossing the Line, Dallas

DEAR CROSSING THE LINE: His choices remain his personal business. But because you are his friend and you also have perspective on marriage, you can approach him. Invite him to get together one-on-one. Ask him about his upcoming nuptials and how he feels. Admit that you thought he was gay, which is why you were surprised when he announced he was marrying a woman. Ask him if he feels confident that he is making the right decision for him. If he wants to talk about what's happening in his life, he will. But if he chooses not to reveal anything personal to you, do not push him. Make it clear that you are his friend and will support him in whatever choices he makes.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I fell down at work, kind of randomly. I was walking down the steps headed to a meeting for work and tripped. I broke my ankle and am on crutches for a few weeks. I feel horrible, literally because my ankle hurts but also because I never meant to cause any trouble. I had to file a workers' compensation claim, and now my boss is mad at me. How can I let him know that I don't mean to be a burden? I am at work doing my job after having to take a few days off based on doctor's orders. -- In a Hard Place, Atlanta

DEAR IN A HARD PLACE: Your boss knows that injury on the job is something the company is responsible for covering. Yes, it may be frustrating for him, but it is not a surprise. It is understandable that you wish you hadn't fallen, for any number of reasons.

You can express your sadness that this accident happened when you talk to your boss, but don't belabor the point. The best way to show your commitment to your job is to do it well. Even with this momentary disability, let your boss see that you are serious about your work and that you do not intend to allow your injury to cripple your workload since you are well enough to do it.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work two jobs and really long hours. I leave around 5 in the morning and sometimes don't get home until after 8 at night. I don't complain about my schedule. When I get home, I help my kids with homework and get them to bed before it's too late. Then I do some housework to try to keep things in order. This is what it takes right now to help support my family.

The problem comes at the end of the day. My husband works one job. He works hard, but doesn't have the hours like me. So when I'm crashing at night, he consistently wants to get busy. I don't mean to be rude or not a good wife, but I hardly ever have enough energy. How can I keep my marriage strong and keep up this daily grind? -- Worn Out, Bronx, New York

DEAR WORN OUT: Stress and fatigue are not good bedfellows, as you and your husband are experiencing. As challenging as this is, you two need to have a frank conversation about your lives. Choose a time when you can be alone and not on a tight schedule -- probably on the weekend. Candidly tell your husband how tired you are and that you aren't sure how you can keep up with everything. Discuss whether you should look for other work where you might be able to have one job that earns enough money to help your family.

Ask your husband if he would be willing to work with you to make a new plan for how household responsibilities are handled. Perhaps if he help could help more with childcare and home care, you will have less to do and a tiny bit more relaxation time. In turn, you may have a bit more energy. Tell him that you do not mean to deny him, but you often don't have the energy. Suggest making time for intimacy on the weekend, or pick another time that you think you might be able to commit to on a regular basis.

DEAR HARRIETTE: It seems like all of my mother's friends are old and frail. I know we should be grateful that they are alive, considering they are in their late 80s, but it's really hard to handle being on what feels like alarm mode all the time. Every time I hear the phone ring, I worry that it's a report of another friend dying. How can I relax and enjoy my mom and her friends rather than worrying myself sick all the time? -- On the Edge, Winston-Salem, North Carolina

DEAR ON THE EDGE: Growing old is a double-edged sword. Obviously, you treasure having your mother and her friends, but the downside is that older people are often fragile. It is important for you to choose to keep a positive attitude. Rather than answering the phone with fear or dread, assume the call will be good. Do one better and begin a phone tree with your mother and her friends. Agree to call each other regularly so that the calls will not just be emergencies. Similarly, choose to spend time with your mom as frequently as possible. Savor the time you have. This may help to curb your worries about the future.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)