DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who I always thought was gay. I was OK with that. It's his business, and I really do believe people should be able to do whatever makes them happy. So the other day he came to visit to tell me that he is getting married to a woman, and she's pregnant. I was so shocked I didn't even know what to say. Over the years I have seen him with lots of men, but never once with a woman. I've been married for five years, and I know how much of a commitment marriage is. I wonder if he gets that, and also, if he is gay, how is he going to do this? Given that he is a good friend of mine, I want to talk to him about it, just to see where his head is. Is that going too far on my part? -- Crossing the Line, Dallas

DEAR CROSSING THE LINE: His choices remain his personal business. But because you are his friend and you also have perspective on marriage, you can approach him. Invite him to get together one-on-one. Ask him about his upcoming nuptials and how he feels. Admit that you thought he was gay, which is why you were surprised when he announced he was marrying a woman. Ask him if he feels confident that he is making the right decision for him. If he wants to talk about what's happening in his life, he will. But if he chooses not to reveal anything personal to you, do not push him. Make it clear that you are his friend and will support him in whatever choices he makes.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I fell down at work, kind of randomly. I was walking down the steps headed to a meeting for work and tripped. I broke my ankle and am on crutches for a few weeks. I feel horrible, literally because my ankle hurts but also because I never meant to cause any trouble. I had to file a workers' compensation claim, and now my boss is mad at me. How can I let him know that I don't mean to be a burden? I am at work doing my job after having to take a few days off based on doctor's orders. -- In a Hard Place, Atlanta

DEAR IN A HARD PLACE: Your boss knows that injury on the job is something the company is responsible for covering. Yes, it may be frustrating for him, but it is not a surprise. It is understandable that you wish you hadn't fallen, for any number of reasons.

You can express your sadness that this accident happened when you talk to your boss, but don't belabor the point. The best way to show your commitment to your job is to do it well. Even with this momentary disability, let your boss see that you are serious about your work and that you do not intend to allow your injury to cripple your workload since you are well enough to do it.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work two jobs and really long hours. I leave around 5 in the morning and sometimes don't get home until after 8 at night. I don't complain about my schedule. When I get home, I help my kids with homework and get them to bed before it's too late. Then I do some housework to try to keep things in order. This is what it takes right now to help support my family.

The problem comes at the end of the day. My husband works one job. He works hard, but doesn't have the hours like me. So when I'm crashing at night, he consistently wants to get busy. I don't mean to be rude or not a good wife, but I hardly ever have enough energy. How can I keep my marriage strong and keep up this daily grind? -- Worn Out, Bronx, New York

DEAR WORN OUT: Stress and fatigue are not good bedfellows, as you and your husband are experiencing. As challenging as this is, you two need to have a frank conversation about your lives. Choose a time when you can be alone and not on a tight schedule -- probably on the weekend. Candidly tell your husband how tired you are and that you aren't sure how you can keep up with everything. Discuss whether you should look for other work where you might be able to have one job that earns enough money to help your family.

Ask your husband if he would be willing to work with you to make a new plan for how household responsibilities are handled. Perhaps if he help could help more with childcare and home care, you will have less to do and a tiny bit more relaxation time. In turn, you may have a bit more energy. Tell him that you do not mean to deny him, but you often don't have the energy. Suggest making time for intimacy on the weekend, or pick another time that you think you might be able to commit to on a regular basis.

DEAR HARRIETTE: It seems like all of my mother's friends are old and frail. I know we should be grateful that they are alive, considering they are in their late 80s, but it's really hard to handle being on what feels like alarm mode all the time. Every time I hear the phone ring, I worry that it's a report of another friend dying. How can I relax and enjoy my mom and her friends rather than worrying myself sick all the time? -- On the Edge, Winston-Salem, North Carolina

DEAR ON THE EDGE: Growing old is a double-edged sword. Obviously, you treasure having your mother and her friends, but the downside is that older people are often fragile. It is important for you to choose to keep a positive attitude. Rather than answering the phone with fear or dread, assume the call will be good. Do one better and begin a phone tree with your mother and her friends. Agree to call each other regularly so that the calls will not just be emergencies. Similarly, choose to spend time with your mom as frequently as possible. Savor the time you have. This may help to curb your worries about the future.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: What do you do if you find yourself in the middle of political discussions and you really don't want to talk about it? These days I feel like it's always something. The debate about police brutality is endless and highly volatile. And then there's the never-ending Cosby debacle. And terrorism all over the world. I get that bad and crazy things are happening, but when I am on a date or with friends, I don't necessarily want to debate the issues. I don't even want to talk about who may run for president, at least not all the time. How can I get my friends to chill and just be together or even to be serious and talk about themselves rather than the failures of everybody else? -- Stop the Noise, Detroit

DEAR STOP THE NOISE: Information overload is a real experience that is on the rise in this information age. Being on the pulse of current events is wise, but, as you point out, it should not require you to talk about everything that's in the cable news 24-hour rotation.

How can you curb the commentary? State your case. When you are hanging out with your friends and the conversation turns to a topic that you are not interested in discussing, ask them if they would be willing to change the subject. You can actually create a profound talking point by stating that you are more interested in how they are navigating their lives than what their opinions are on celebrity gossip or world violence. That may work sometimes.

You can choose to get up and leave the group for a moment, either going to the restroom or just removing yourself from their company for a bit. Ultimately, though, know that there is something good about being in the company of people who are paying attention to what's going on in the world. Rather than being frustrated by the discussion, work to push it in an enlightened direction.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been talking with a potential business partner for many months now. Every time we get close to figuring out a deal we can develop, it gets a little sketchy. I honestly don't think he is trying to stiff me. I think he is unsure of what is going to stick. At this point, I need to know what our business relationship will be if something does happen. My problem is, I don't have any money. How can I get clarity when I don't have skin to put in the game? -- Looking for Clarity, Boston

DEAR LOOKING FOR CLARITY: Call a meeting with this person and put your cards on the table. Be clear about what you want related to the projects you have been discussing. Sometimes partners bring cash to deals; at other times they bring expertise and time. Tell him what you believe your assets are and the value of those assets. Ask your potential business partner what his intentions are, and make it clear that you want to establish a formal relationship before you move forward.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)