DEAR HARRIETTE: I invited a few people over to my house for a post-New Year's get-together. My guests were having a great time mingling while they danced the night away, but there was one gentleman who got on my nerves because he was constantly taking pictures of my possessions. I asked him if he would not take any pictures without my permission, but he continued. I got angry and asked him to leave my house. To my surprise, my guests became upset at me because I kicked a guest out of the party. I think I could have handled this situation better. What are your thoughts? -- Not a Good Host, New York City

DEAR NOT A GOOD HOST: This was clearly an awkward situation, and you were right to be concerned about someone photographing your possessions. More effective than asking him to leave your home would have been seizing his camera. If your concern truly is about where those photos might end up, your priority should have been to confiscate the camera or SD card holding the images. You could have done this privately so that other guests would not witness the confrontation.

The role of a host is to do your best to make your guests comfortable. This is why it's best for them not to see any conflicts, if that is possible. At the same time, you have the right to protect your privacy and your property.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Some of my college friends have decided to get together for an impromptu girls' weekend. I think this should be a blast. We have kept in touch over the years but rarely see each other. The plan is to go to a beach community, which sounds great since it's crazy cold where most of us live. I bet you know what's coming next. OK, so we haven't seen each other in about 12 years. I, for one, look nothing like I did when we were in school. Even though the trip is all girls, I feel really self-conscious about putting on a bathing suit and hanging out on the beach with them. You know how women can be! I don't want to be ridiculous, but I'm not kidding when I say that I am uncomfortable about taking this trip. Should I say something to them? Or maybe not go? -- Skittish, Chicago

DEAR SKITTISH: Weight gain can definitely make people feel uncomfortable, especially when you are going to see people who haven't seen you in your fuller state. You should know that most Americans grow bigger after a dozen years, so chances are that at least some of your friends could be bearing extra pounds, and some could be insecure, too.

As you are communicating back and forth, send pictures of yourself and invite them to do the same. Tell your friends that you are sending a photo so they will recognize the "new" you!

Do a little shopping. Invest in a bathing suit that fits you now. And buy a cover-up that provides some modesty, if you want. Most important, though, is to decide to go and have a good time. Choose to welcome your friends without judgment, and choose to receive that same sentiment back from them.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who likes me a lot and who is also a colleague. She hires me frequently to work on her productions. Well, through another colleague, I learned that her father just died. I never really met her father, but I feel like I should show up for the funeral because she is my friend. She and I haven't talked for about six months, which is normal. Still, I feel a little awkward about attending, considering I didn't know him. Do you think it is OK for me to go to pay my respects? It is an open funeral. -- Should I Go? Los Angeles

DEAR SHOULD I GO: Do attend the funeral. Obviously, do not sit with the family. Give them their space. At the same time, be sure to greet your friend and express your condolences. She will likely be very pleased to see you in the swell of people who come to pay their respects.

The times when it would be inappropriate for you to attend such a service include if it were listed as private or if some kind of friction existed between you and this woman or any of her family such that there might be discomfort for anyone present.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I did the thing I know better than doing over the holidays: I spent way too much money on gifts for family and my girlfriend. I splurged like crazy, and now here I am, broke. I am way too old for this. Now I am faced with bills that I can't really afford to pay, at least not in full. I'm scared about how to climb out of this hole. How can I stop this bad behavior? -- In Deeper Debt, Raleigh, North Carolina

DEAR IN DEEPER DEBT: You allude to a pattern in your life of overspending and impulse spending. While your behavior happens to reflect that of a huge swath of our country, it can be curbed. Just like in other situations that reach a critical place, you need help. Do not trick yourself into thinking that you can handle it on your own. You know that you are not an expert on finance.

You may want to start by going to a meeting of Debtors Anonymous (debtorsanonymous.org). Through this free 12-step program you will be in the company of people similar to you who are committed to changing their behavior. You also should find a financial adviser who can help you negotiate lower terms for your outstanding debt and help you design a budget that you can follow.

Be gentle with yourself as you work to change your ways. This didn't occur overnight. Expect it to take time for you to develop good financial habits that will support you over time. Definitely get help.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I will celebrate our 40th anniversary soon. We've sent out 100 invitations to a party, and 60 people have responded saying they will be in attendance. The final 40 people have not RSVP'd as of yet. I am nervous because my wife and I took the time out to invite our friends, and they will potentially cost us time and money if they do not show up. How much time do you allow for guests to respond to an invitation? -- Race Against Time, Charlotte, North Carolina

DEAR RACE AGAINST TIME: One of the biggest challenges that party planners have is that increasingly these days people do not RSVP for events. You are right to be concerned, but there are some things you can do. Start with checking with your caterer to find out when you have to give the final head count. This is the number that is key for your budget. When you feel you are getting close to that date, if you still have a large number of people who have not responded, you may want to pick up the phone or shoot them an email to double-check their status. You can tell the truth, that you have to give the caterer a final count and want to know if they are planning to attend your party. Do not pressure them to come. Simply be kind and direct.

You may also want to send a note to those who have RSVP'd telling them how excited you are to be seeing them at your upcoming anniversary party. Why do I say this? It is fairly common for a small percentage of people who have confirmed their attendance to become no-shows. You want to reduce the possibility of that unnecessary expense as well. In the end, you may have a few empty seats. What you want to avoid is not having enough seats, tables or food. So check in on your friends when the clock starts ticking down.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife and I recently went to a funeral, and she decided to wear some stylish jeans to the service. I did not care what my wife wore, but I stayed out of it. Some people were upset at my wife's fashion selection. They felt it was not suitable attire to wear to a funeral. The day of the funeral, my wife had four events to attend, and I know she was dressed for her day. What would have been the best outfit for my wife to wear? -- Fashion Police, West Orange, New Jersey

DEAR FASHION POLICE: Generally speaking, people dress up for funerals, meaning they often dress relatively conservatively, traditionally in dark if not black clothing. Women often wear skirts or dresses, although that is not a requirement. Without seeing your wife's outfit, it is hard to say if there was anything more offensive than simply the jeans. Jeans are considered very casual attire. If there were elders or other conservative people at the funeral, they definitely would take issue with that. At the next funeral she attends, she should go for modest attire with no denim. Being prepared for your day should include every activity. Sometimes that means you bring a change of clothes with you.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)