DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a friend's wedding a month ago. It was great to go there, and my husband and I had to rearrange a lot of things in order to make it happen. The wedding was several states away, which meant we took a long drive and then had to stay in a hotel. I'm only mentioning these things because I'm in an awkward position. We spent a lot of money to attend the wedding, so we didn't have much money left to give my friend a great gift. We ended up giving the couple a small check, but I feel bad about that. I wish we could have done more. Should I say something to my friend about why her gift was so small? -- Short on Cash, Los Angeles

DEAR SHORT ON CASH: I totally understand why you feel the way you do, and I want to suggest that you let it go. You and your husband made a big effort to witness and celebrate your friend's wedding. That counts for a lot. What's more, since you are friends with this woman, hopefully this is the first of many times that you will connect with her over the years. Make the decision to celebrate the new couple on their first anniversary by sending them a lovely gift or inviting them to visit with you. You can come up with creative ways to continue the celebration of love over time. Don't fret about what you were able to offer today.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a brother who lives 3,000 miles away. My family is close, but he is physically so far away that we rarely see him. I realized the other day that there's one other thing that kind of bugs me. We only talk when I call him. When I pick up the phone, he is happy to hear from me. But I don't think it's fair that I always have to be the one to initiate the call. He is single, and I have a husband and children, yet I make time for him. I want to figure out how to get him to make me a priority. -- Feeling Unappreciated, Denver

DEAR FEELING UNAPPRECIATED: Have you ever told your brother that you wish he would call you? There's a good chance that he doesn't call because he thinks you are extremely busy. Having a family and the many responsibilities that come with children means that there's a good chance your schedule is heavily booked. He may think that he's doing you a favor by waiting until it is convenient for you to talk.

He could also just be one of those people who is bad at communicating. Whatever the case, the best you can do is have a heart-to-heart talk with him where you express your desire for him to reach out to you sometimes. Given the realities of what is likely a busy life for you, consider suggesting a time once a week or once a month, whatever works for you both, when you can talk. Alternate who initiates the call.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 12-year-old daughter has been waking up recently with terrible dreams. She falls asleep and then wakes up believing that someone has just entered a public area where she is and opened fire. The most recent place was at the hairdresser, but this dream has been recurring now for a few months. How can I get her to feel more at ease? With so much violence going on in the news these days, it's hard to shield her from the current events that are fueling her fears. -- Seeking Safety, Washington, D.C.

DEAR SEEKING SAFETY: When your daughter comes to you after a bad dream, listen to everything she says and comfort her by letting her know that you hear her. Do not dismiss her fears. Instead, acknowledge her worries and then help to quiet them by pointing out whatever safety measures exist in the various public areas she mentions. These could be locks on doors, friendly people who work there, etc.

Limit your daughter's exposure to the daily news. The more she hears and sees, the more she will be afraid. When atrocities occur and she is aware of them, talk them through. Explain that there are some people in the world who do unimaginable things. These are the stories we are hearing these days. To reduce being exposed to people who do bad things, remind your daughter to follow school protocol, to travel in pairs and to keep in close touch with you, especially if she feels unsafe.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In a recent column, you suggested a reader seek professional help through a psychologist. As a licensed clinical social worker in private practice, I am concerned about such a referral because it is very limited.

You did not mention a number of other helping professionals that offer counseling and psychotherapy services, including those holding credentials such as Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Licensed Professional Counselor. Keep in mind that psychologists are not always available in every community, and if they hold a Ph.D. credential, they often specialize in other services, such as testing and other non-clinical services. If they do offer counseling, their fees are often significantly higher.

I hope that in future columns when you suggest professional help, you will suggest a variety of professionals with many credentials. There are a number of other credentials, including addictions counselors, art therapists, dance and movement therapists, drama therapists, psychodramatists, etc., but that may be beyond the scope of this letter for now. -- Broadening the Scope, Racine, Wisconsin

DEAR BROADENING THE SCOPE: Thank you so much for sharing in such detail about alternative professionals to a psychologist for people who need professional help. This is extremely important and useful information that will likely benefit many people who are reading right now.

The most important point that I believe is resonating here is that there are many types of professionals who are available to support people who are in need of mental health help. You do not have to suffer in isolation.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have all the intentions in the world to come home from work and clean my apartment. However, that is not always the case. I walk in the door, sit down and fall asleep on my couch. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking I wasted another opportunity to clean up my place. I do not like a messy apartment, but I cannot defeat the urge to sleep. I need to come up with an efficient way to clean my apartment before sleep comes knocking on my door. What should I do? -- Sleepyhead, Springfield, New Jersey

DEAR SLEEPYHEAD: Cleaning your apartment in the dark when you are tired is not likely to be productive. Rather than trying to force a task on yourself when you are not at your best, redesign your schedule. Get up an hour earlier every day. Eat your breakfast. But before you shower, work on your apartment for a full hour before you begin the rest of your day. If you do this daily, you will be able to whittle away at the mess. To keep mess at bay, put things where they belong immediately. For example, when you come home from work, hang up your coat. After you eat, wash the dishes. If you handle your responsibilities in the moment, you will have less mess to face later.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently went out of town with my girlfriend, and we stayed for one week at her mother's home. She knows that I am recently unemployed and that things have been financially tight. After my girlfriend and I returned from our trip, I sent her mother a card telling her how thankful I was that we were able to stay with her and what a gracious hostess she was. I did not send a gift with the note because of my finances, but I will send her a belated Christmas present when I have some extra money. What is the proper etiquette for sending thank-you notes and gifts? -- Showing My Gratitude, Indianapolis

DEAR SHOWING MY GRATITUDE: You did the right thing by sending a thank-you card to your girlfriend's mother upon your return. It is not a requirement to send a gift with a note of thanks, although it can be a lovely gesture. As far as a Christmas gift goes, that is not necessary. Your thoughtful presence at her house likely made her feel happy that her daughter is dating a respectful person.

Rather than worrying about how to please your girlfriend's mother, now it is time to turn your attention to yourself. Brush up your resume and work hard to find a job. It is a new year, and you should look upon your job search with fresh eyes. What skills have you not brought to the forefront that you think are important? What contacts have you not called upon to make an introduction for you? Be strategic and use your good manners to help you meet your goal of finding employment. Just as you wrote a thank-you note to your girlfriend's mother, do the same for anyone who helps you to get an interview and, of course, with the interviewer as well.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)