DEAR HARRIETTE: I have decided that I do not want to stay friends with one of the people I started hanging out with a lot last year. This woman is always loud and obnoxious. I don't really like that behavior. I'm pretty quiet and keep to myself. It's weird that we even started hanging out, but we did because she lives in my building and we see each other a lot. She can be very thoughtful, but the loudness and cursing drive me nuts. I know I can't expect her to change her behavior simply because I don't like it, but I am weary of being around her. She is so inflammatory. I want peace in my life this year. How do I go about separating myself from her? -- Seeking Peace, Detroit

DEAR SEEKING PEACE: You may not need to excommunicate this woman completely, especially since you two live in the same building. What you can do is to set boundaries. Limit your engagements with her. Do not invite her to come over to visit. Do not be as available to visit with her as you were in the past. Decline invitations to go out with her if you are worried about her embarrassing behavior.

If she asks you why you aren't spending as much time with her, you can say that you are busy. Or you could be more forthcoming and tell her that you are choosing to be quiet in the New Year. You don't have to spell it out more than that. Your withdrawal from her should spell it out over time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had an argument with an old friend, and things have not been the same since. What happened is that I was confiding in her about some issues I've been having with my boyfriend, and she went off on me. She wrote me a long email telling me everything that I am not doing right in my life. She was extremely critical, and it hurt my feelings. I told her that, and then I pretty much withdrew. Some time has passed, and I really miss my friend. I believe her intentions were good, even though she definitely crossed a line. How can I get my friend back? -- Missing My Friend, Denver

DEAR MISSING MY FRIEND: Call your friend and tell her you want to get together. Tell her you miss her and feel sad that you two have grown apart. Rather than rehashing what happened in the past, decide that you want to rekindle your friendship moving forward. You will have to work on rebuilding trust with your friend, and you may find in time that you will have to address how you talk about sensitive subjects. But you do not have to do that in this first conversation.

For starters, just be together. If your friendship is worth it to both of you, trust that you can work together to mend it.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I started dating a young lady a couple of months ago, and the sparks are definitely flying. We have been hanging out a lot, and we both really do like each other. We agreed to take it slow, even though it's hard. I feel like I have to live up to the values I've been taught. I am a leader in my church, and one of the things that I committed to was celibacy. I am a grown man who was previously married, but I have been single for a long time. I'm not sure how long I can hold out, given my new circumstances. It's way too soon to think about getting married, and I wouldn't want to rush to that extreme just because I'm wanting to be intimate with this woman. I'm really in a difficult spot now. I like her a lot, but I'm not sure how to manage this. -- On the Brink, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR ON THE BRINK: Whether you are 16 or a full-grown adult, temptation is still temptation. It is natural for you to want to be intimate with someone you are attracted to. You already know this, but the greater challenge is curbing your sexual desire for this woman and replacing it with getting to know her and seeing if you two are compatible.

It seems to be rare these days for people to make the choice not to become intimate with people they find attractive. Yet, since this is your practice and your commitment, stay the course. Talk to your date. Be upfront about your values and your intentions. If you want to remarry, pay attention to see if this woman could be "the one." If not, reduce your temptation risk by ending the relationship once you know it is not what you want long-term.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently learned something about my husband that I find absolutely nauseating. He doesn't brush his teeth on the weekends. I noticed it because his breath was bad. I thought nothing of it in the morning, but by midday it was still pretty rank. We have been married only a few months, so I am still getting to know his patterns. When I asked him about brushing his teeth, he brushed me off, saying it wasn't a big deal. He claims that nobody brushes their teeth on the weekends. That is absolutely ridiculous.

I think hygiene is super important. I don't want my husband to be a dirty guy. He says I'm a prude to keep asking him to brush his teeth, but I don't think I'm asking too much. Do you? -- Dirty Mouth, Dallas

DEAR DIRTY MOUTH: It is not unreasonable for you to want your husband to brush his teeth each day. At the same time, you cannot force anybody to do anything. What you may want to do is set boundaries for yourself. For instance, you could tell your husband that you will not kiss him unless his mouth is clean. That may get him to come around -- eventually.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I go home for the holidays every Christmas as I did this year, but I didn't get to see all of my family and friends. I always try to see everybody, but time got by me this year. I spent quality time with my mom and siblings, which was really special, but I didn't have enough time to visit some of the high school friends I normally see. I'm the one who usually drives to everybody's house, and I didn't do it this time. Meanwhile, I have already gotten a couple of snippy texts from friends I didn't get to visit. I feel bad that I didn't make it to all of them this time, but I also feel like it would be nice if any of them would take the initiative to come to me. How can I fix this so that I don't feel guilty or responsible for making it all happen whenever I come to town? I'm only human, after all. -- Only Human, Syracuse, New York

DEAR ONLY HUMAN: It sounds like you have set yourself up to be the one who is available. If your friends have always expected you to show up at their door, you cannot legitimately be mad at them for being disappointed when you failed to do so.

If you now believe you want to modify your engagement with others when you come home, you have to retrain everybody -- starting with yourself. In the future, decide in advance what you believe you want to do. If your friends are also friendly with each other, you may want to suggest that you all gather on a particular day at a local watering hole or restaurant. Those who can come will, and you will have one place to go rather than feeling like you have to travel all over the city. You can also tell your friends that you would be happy for them to come to visit you, provided that your family is OK with that.

In the here and now, reach out to the people you did not get to see. Apologize for not making it to them. Let them know that next time you come home you plan on changing the tradition so that you get to see everybody without wearing yourself out.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I get holiday cards from a small group of people every year, even though I do not send them out myself. I never got into that ritual. I did have the thought that I should do something to acknowledge the people who take the time to include me in their card sending. I don't feel like sending a thank-you card makes sense. What would be appropriate? These are mainly people I do not talk to regularly, but I do really like them. -- Closing the Loop, Chicago

DEAR CLOSING THE LOOP: It would be perfect for you to pick up the phone and call the people who sent you cards so that you check in and find out how they are doing. You may also want to email them to thank them for their annual card and to update them on what's going on in your life.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)