DEAR HARRIETTE: I go home for the holidays every Christmas as I did this year, but I didn't get to see all of my family and friends. I always try to see everybody, but time got by me this year. I spent quality time with my mom and siblings, which was really special, but I didn't have enough time to visit some of the high school friends I normally see. I'm the one who usually drives to everybody's house, and I didn't do it this time. Meanwhile, I have already gotten a couple of snippy texts from friends I didn't get to visit. I feel bad that I didn't make it to all of them this time, but I also feel like it would be nice if any of them would take the initiative to come to me. How can I fix this so that I don't feel guilty or responsible for making it all happen whenever I come to town? I'm only human, after all. -- Only Human, Syracuse, New York

DEAR ONLY HUMAN: It sounds like you have set yourself up to be the one who is available. If your friends have always expected you to show up at their door, you cannot legitimately be mad at them for being disappointed when you failed to do so.

If you now believe you want to modify your engagement with others when you come home, you have to retrain everybody -- starting with yourself. In the future, decide in advance what you believe you want to do. If your friends are also friendly with each other, you may want to suggest that you all gather on a particular day at a local watering hole or restaurant. Those who can come will, and you will have one place to go rather than feeling like you have to travel all over the city. You can also tell your friends that you would be happy for them to come to visit you, provided that your family is OK with that.

In the here and now, reach out to the people you did not get to see. Apologize for not making it to them. Let them know that next time you come home you plan on changing the tradition so that you get to see everybody without wearing yourself out.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I get holiday cards from a small group of people every year, even though I do not send them out myself. I never got into that ritual. I did have the thought that I should do something to acknowledge the people who take the time to include me in their card sending. I don't feel like sending a thank-you card makes sense. What would be appropriate? These are mainly people I do not talk to regularly, but I do really like them. -- Closing the Loop, Chicago

DEAR CLOSING THE LOOP: It would be perfect for you to pick up the phone and call the people who sent you cards so that you check in and find out how they are doing. You may also want to email them to thank them for their annual card and to update them on what's going on in your life.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I started a fitness regimen this summer and was doing pretty well, but I kind of slacked off when the cool weather came. I got an email from a colleague who had been doing something similar when I saw her this fall, and she told me that she has now lost 25 pounds. I have probably gained back half of what I lost. I am so bummed. I feel like a failure. I know my friend wasn't trying to upset me, but her message really messed me up. I haven't responded yet. I don't want to come off wrong, but it's hard for me to be happy for her. What should I say? -- Heavyweight, Madison, Wisconsin

DEAR HEAVYWEIGHT: As hard as it seems right now, what you can do is turn your feelings around. Rather than being sad because your friend has made more progress than you, congratulate her and find out what she has been doing. Ask her what has kept her moving in the right direction. If you can, be honest with her and tell her that you have been struggling. Perhaps she can be a sounding board for you, a source of support.

Perhaps you can identify someone who can be a fitness buddy for you -- it could even be this woman. Losing weight is difficult for most people. If you can team up with someone who can help keep you honest with yourself, that may be helpful.

DEAR HARRIETTE: It's a new year, and I know it probably sounds corny, but I really do want to be a better person this year. I feel like I usually spend all of my time focused on my work. For the past few years, I have hardly made a second to see or talk to friends. I have been trying to make sure that I was doing everything right for my career. It has paid off, as I have risen in my company. But I am lonely. I want to have meaningful friendships. I do have friends, but I have neglected them for so long that I'm not sure how to get close to them again. What do you recommend? -- Friendless, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR FRIENDLESS: Chances are, the people who you think are your true friends probably miss you as much as you miss them. Since it has not been your practice to make time for them, before you pick up the phone, take a look at your calendar. Pick one day a week that you can dedicate to personal matters, and mark it on a physical calendar. Then, with clear intention, reach out to the people who matter in your life. Send emails or call. Do your best to schedule "dates" with them on your designated day so that you reintroduce friendship as a priority. You may also want to add a fun activity or hobby to your schedule once a month so that you are not relying on other people to expand your repertoire of ways to expand your experiences.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is a happy kid. He is 12 years old, and his friends are the same. Two of his best friends got iPhone 6s for Christmas. I think this is crazy for a child that age. My son knows that he got great gifts for the holiday, but he is envious of his friends. I do not think that a child his age should have responsibility for an expensive phone. How do I talk to my son about this so that he understands without sounding rude? -- Practical Mom, Washington, D.C.

DEAR PRACTICAL MOM: Sit your son down and have a chat with him. Bring up his friends and their new phones. Point out that it is normal for him to feel a little twinge, given that his two best friends received something that many people long to have right now. Then, let him know that every family has different values. Your family does not think it is wise to give a child something so expensive and fragile, so you did not consider giving him such a gift. Ask him if he likes the things he received for Christmas. Help him to focus his energies on what is before him. It can be tough when he allows his mind to wander over to what his friends have. Your job is to help him keep his sights set on what is actually his.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have always been the go-to person to talk to among my friends when we are dealing with little stuff that has been no problem. Recently, though, one of my friends has been coming to me with personal problems that I absolutely cannot handle. She has told me that mental illness runs in her family, and she's worried it might happen to her. She has even come to me a couple of times with specific incidents that have occurred, and she wants me to evaluate what it means in her life. I have told her that I don't know how to tell, but she keeps coming back to me. How can I help her? I think she's in trouble. -- Not a Shrink, New Orleans

DEAR NOT A SHRINK: Stand strong when you talk to your friend and make it clear to her that she needs professional help. As the go-to person, what you may want to do is help her find the therapist who may be able to help her. Ask her what insurance she has and then research with her what psychiatrists are covered by her plan. You can present her with a list that she can call.

If she rejects that effort on your part, make it clear to her that you are not qualified to guide her in any other way through her current challenges. The best you can do is to help to get her the help that she needs.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)