DEAR HARRIETTE: I didn't get everyone in my church group a present for Christmas. I simply couldn't afford it, nor do I really think I need to give a group of adults more stuff. I decided to write cards for each of them. I bought holiday cards and wrote a special note for each person. Do you think that this is sufficient? I figured that a personalized sentiment would count for something. I hope it doesn't make me seem cheap. -- The Thought that Counts, Dallas

DEAR THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS: I love your idea. I do not believe that people should spend exorbitant amounts of money for holiday gifts. I think it is wonderful to acknowledge people whom you love. Sharing personal messages is a perfect way of doing that.

As a child, it was my job to address the envelopes for my aunt, who sent holiday cards to all of her friends and relatives. It was delightful to sit with her and listen to her tell stories of these people as she signed each card. Thank you for invoking that memory for me! I trust that others will consider sending cards to their loved ones as well.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been interviewing job applicants recently, and I keep running into the same problem. Even some college graduates have a terribly difficult time with grammar. When they are talking to me, I hear all kinds of grammatical errors. It's the same with the emails that they send to me. A few of them even misspelled my name in correspondence to me. At first, I thought it was just that a few people may not be up on their basic skills. But I think I have interviewed about 10 people, all with very good educations. I feel like I should do more than just not hire them. I feel the inclination to tell them why I am not hiring them, but I'm not sure if that will go over well. I think I would want to know why I was being passed over for a job. What do you think? Should I say something, or just let it go? -- Wanting to Help, Detroit

DEAR WANTING TO HELP: I'm sad to say that I have had the same experience too many times to count. Years ago, I decided that when I interview someone whom I do not hire that I always share at least the highlights as to why I chose not to hire him or her. If you make that choice, be sure to think carefully about how you want to word your critique. Be mindful not to be harsh. Attempt to share your feedback constructively. When addressing grammar, you can point out that the way that one speaks or writes is critical to his or her success. In this day and age, everyone has to write. Whether it is a formal letter or an email, one should use correct grammar in all written communications. The same is true with verbal communication. Explain that whomever you choose to work with you must represent you well. This means that the person must be proficient with language skills. Recommend that they pay closer attention to their communication abilities and take a class or read grammar books so that they can improve.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was invited to go to lunch with a business associate. When I arrived at the restaurant and walked through the door, all I could smell was juice being made in a juicer, and I realized instantly that I was allergic to whatever was being juiced. I had to step out immediately because I could hardly breathe. It was so embarrassing. When my associate came -- with two other people who I didn't know would be there -- I had to tell him that I could not go to that restaurant. It was really awkward because we were in an area that wasn't really near other nice restaurants.

Ultimately, because he looked so uncomfortable, I bowed out and suggested that they go ahead and have lunch and that I would see them another time. But I feel terrible. How could I know that this would happen? I have gone to many restaurants, and this has never happened before. Yes, I have allergies, but generally I just have to be careful what I eat. What can I say to this guy as a follow-up? -- Bound by Allergies, Detroit

DEAR BOUND BY ALLERGIES: Reach out to your associate right away and apologize for not being able to join him and the others at lunch. Ask if he would like to get together at another time and if there are any points from the lunch that he would like to share. Do not bring up your allergic reaction. Obviously, you both know it happened. If he mentions it, apologize again. You can then say that you have never had such an extreme reaction before, and you are sorry that it created an inconvenience to your gathering. Finally, ask who the other guests were and whether he would like to schedule another time for you to meet.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a craftsperson, and I have been working for the past couple of years to build a business selling my art. I invited a few friends to a preview sale to see their reaction and to sell items if at all possible. The weirdest thing happened: Everybody said that they liked my artwork, and also everybody asked either for a "friend" discount or to be given items for free. I was so disappointed. These people know how hard I have been working to be able to make a living doing my art. I ended up giving them a discount, but my feelings are hurt. Should I tell them? -- Friends vs. Business, Dallas

DEAR FRIENDS VS. BUSINESS: Never assume that your friends are your customers. That often isn't the case. Instead, consider them as tastemakers whom you invite to be on the inside track. The benefit you get from giving friends and colleagues a discount and an early view is that they can then brag about being the first to know your collection. They can do wonders by promoting your work to others who will potentially pay the full price. This is why you do need to make it clear to your friends what the actual cost is so that they can promote that -- not their special price.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 11-year-old is still a firm Santa lover and believer. Her friends at school, however, deride her for her beliefs. What's interesting is that she doesn't seem to care much what they have to say. She says she knows who the real Santa is -- a man who is different from the mall Santas and others you see in movies and such. I really like that even as she is growing up, she appreciates the magic of Santa. What can I do to support her without babying her? -- Santa Love, Detroit

DEAR SANTA LOVE: Follow your daughter's lead. Know that there are adults who live their entire lives treasuring their thoughts of Santa Claus. Even some people who do not have children spend a tremendous amount of time and money on this season. It can be a time of great joy and camaraderie for individuals and communities.

Rather than worrying about your daughter, who does not seem to be worrying herself, support her in her beliefs. At her age, she should know that gifts come from a variety of sources, including parents, relatives and friends -- as well as Santa. Make sure that you emphasize the range of gifting that she may receive. You should also encourage her to give to those in need as she welcomes gifts of her own.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son has had a best friend in school since he was in kindergarten. Last year, however, this friend started treating my son poorly. It didn't get as far as bullying, but he definitely wasn't nice. He started hanging out with a group of athletes. (My son is more of a geek.) And this athlete group has not wanted to hang out with my son at all. Honestly, it has seemed more like the cattiness that girls sometimes have more than boys. But this is how it is. He still loves his friend and wants him in his life. They are both 8 years old. How can I protect my son? -- Almost Bullied, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR ALMOST BULLIED: The best thing you can do for your son is to get him involved in activities that appeal to his senses. You say he is a geek. How would he define that in terms of his interests? Does he like to read? Play chess? Do experiments? Whatever strikes his interests should be your focus. Sign him up for after-school and weekend classes.

Your goal is to occupy his time and attention with the things that make him happy. In this way, he will be less reliant on the friend in question because he won't have time to hang out with this one child too frequently.

As it relates to the negative commentary that may come from this boy and his friends, your son can tell his friend directly that he does not appreciate the way he is being treated and thought that they were better friends than that. He can tell the boy that if he continues to be mean to him, they can no longer be friends. Your son can also report the boy's behavior to the principal.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)