DEAR HARRIETTE: I worked on a project that required my lawyer's services. The payoff was supposed to be significant, but in the end, I'm the one who spent money while the whole deal went south. I am bummed about the death of the project, but I am also out a few thousand dollars -- which I don't have -- because I have to pay for legal services. I'm not sure what to do. I simply do not have the money I owe him. I have been ducking him for the past couple of months, but I don't like that feeling. How can I handle this situation with my lawyer when I realistically do not have the money I owe him? -- Face the Music, Denver

DEAR FACE THE MUSIC: Start by reviewing your finances. Figure out what you can pay your attorney. While you may not have the full amount, chances are he will appreciate a good faith effort to pay his fees. Determine what you can pay on a monthly basis and then ask him if he will accept that payment plan. Apologize for not having the full amount up front. Remind him that you had every belief that the deal he was brokering for you was going to come to fruition. Since it did not, you are low on cash. Assure him that if you come into greater resources, you will up his monthly installment accordingly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a falling out with family members last year when we got together over the holidays. Some unkind things were said, and we haven't talked since. That, in and of itself, is not so unusual. We are a once-a-year type of family, at least on this side. But never before have we had a rift between us. I'm wondering if I should prepare myself for an argument, if I should apologize for leaving on bad terms last year or just see how things go. What do you recommend? -- Where We Stand, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR WHERE WE STAND: Review the scene from last year to determine how bad you and your family members left things. If you honestly feel that an apology is in order, be prepared to offer it. It could be as simple as, upon greeting each other, offer a handshake or hug and say, "I'm sorry we got into a bad place last year, here's to making this year's get-together a success." In this way, you acknowledge what could be the elephant in the room. If your family member(s) want to discuss it, go for it -- without emotion.

In general, be in the moment. Decide that you are going to observe and enjoy what's happening before you rather than superimposing old experiences or relationships onto what's happening. Family dynamics often go awry when family members revert back to childhood behaviors and roles. Stay in the here and now. Be kind to each other. Forgive each other for not being perfect. Choose to enjoy the day.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My office is going through a serious downsizing right now. We normally have a big holiday party, and I am sure that will not happen this year. I was thinking it would be nice to put together a potluck dinner to show our loyalty to our employees during this tough time. Do think this is a good idea? -- Lift Employees' Spirits, Cincinnati

DEAR LIFT EMPLOYEES' SPIRITS: Coming together in a spirit of unity is most important at this time of year, even more so in your company's case. By all means, put together a potluck. You might call upon each of your company leaders in advance to let them know your plans so that they can support a buy-in for the entire company. Take the time to make the event special. Create fliers and signs to promote the event. Make sure that you provide some specialty items, such as alcohol if you are serving that and/or meat dishes that may be pricey.

Be sure to make a speech of some kind at the dinner that acknowledges your staff for all of their hard work. If everyone already knows you are facing downsizing, let them know that this has been a tough year and some hard decisions are on the way. Be mindful not to let anyone go during the holiday season, if at all possible. Strategize so that the pain will be the least impactful. You might give people time to know when their positions will be phased out, giving them a bit of time to look for work.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The other day I lent a good friend of mine my jump rope, and she promised to return it within a week. Three weeks have passed, and when I asked her for my jump rope, she assured me I would receive it the next day. The next day arrived, my friend came to my house and she did not bring it with her. I did not ask, but this leads me to believe that something has happened to my jump rope. I just want it back so I can start working out. What do I say to her? -- Want to Work Out, Philadelphia

DEAR WANT TO WORK OUT: The lesson I hope you have learned here is that when you really need something, you should not lend it to someone else. Your generosity is backfiring on you now. Sadly, that is all too common an experience for people. As a last-ditch effort, call your friend and sternly tell her that you need your jump rope back now -- as in immediately. If she has lost it, ask her to replace it. Tell her how disappointed you are that she broke your trust.

Remind her that you are refreshing your fitness routine and that your jump rope is an integral part of your program. Ultimately, if she does not respond with a jump rope, you have to move on. Don't let this setback keep you from your fitness goals.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: At church last Sunday, I was handed an envelope from one of the church elders. When I got home, I saw that there was a check enclosed and a note saying that if I needed anything, I should reach out to her. My church knows that I have been struggling recently. I lost my job, and my landlord is threatening to evict me. I am so grateful for their support. I do need help, but I am embarrassed to tell anybody how bad it is. How can I respond to this nice woman? -- Desperately in Need, Chicago

DEAR DESPERATELY IN NEED: Your church member's note was her way of reaching out to you directly to invite you to share your story. While your church may not be able to solve your problems, your spiritual home should be a safe place for you to talk about your situation and potentially find some kind of support. Follow up with her and request a confidential meeting. At that meeting, explain everything that is going on and what you need in order to survive. Ask if the church has resources or referrals that may help you. It may be hard to do, but this should be your place of refuge. Let it be just that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just finished reading your Veterans Day column again and was touched by the content. I have been involved in veterans' issues locally and nationally for almost 30 years. This is one of the best columns I've read.

I especially appreciated the suggestion to have veterans recount their stories. I would take that a step further and ask your readers and family members of veterans to record their stories and then have them transcribed for the family. Sadly, we have lost most World War II veterans, and those still with us are approaching their 90s. Korean War veterans are in their late 70s, and Vietnam veterans are in their 60s. Programs like Shutterfly, Smilebox and others allow you to make booklets of photos and other memorabilia, including military awards and transcripts of military history, which make great keepsakes for the entire family.

With 15,000 posts across the country, the American Legion (formed in 1919) is a great resource for non-veterans and veterans alike and their families. Legion sponsorship of outstanding programs like Boys and Girls State, American Legion Baseball, scouting and oratorical contests help shape our youth and are worthy of volunteer support and donations. Visit legion.org for more information.

I have seen firsthand the great love this country has for our military and our veterans, and I am grateful for folks like you who remind us of the great service and sacrifice of those who have given much for this country. -- Terry Schow, National Executive Committee, The American Legion Utah, Salt Lake City

DEAR TERRY: Thank you for your letter. My father was an officer in World War II, and my uncle was a Tuskegee Airman. It was rare that we spoke of their years of service. Yet I know that practicing remembrance as well as offering gratitude for the sacrifices that our family and community members have offered on our behalf is essential to living a great life. May we all remember those who serve throughout the year.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)