DEAR HARRIETTE: My office is going through a serious downsizing right now. We normally have a big holiday party, and I am sure that will not happen this year. I was thinking it would be nice to put together a potluck dinner to show our loyalty to our employees during this tough time. Do think this is a good idea? -- Lift Employees' Spirits, Cincinnati

DEAR LIFT EMPLOYEES' SPIRITS: Coming together in a spirit of unity is most important at this time of year, even more so in your company's case. By all means, put together a potluck. You might call upon each of your company leaders in advance to let them know your plans so that they can support a buy-in for the entire company. Take the time to make the event special. Create fliers and signs to promote the event. Make sure that you provide some specialty items, such as alcohol if you are serving that and/or meat dishes that may be pricey.

Be sure to make a speech of some kind at the dinner that acknowledges your staff for all of their hard work. If everyone already knows you are facing downsizing, let them know that this has been a tough year and some hard decisions are on the way. Be mindful not to let anyone go during the holiday season, if at all possible. Strategize so that the pain will be the least impactful. You might give people time to know when their positions will be phased out, giving them a bit of time to look for work.

DEAR HARRIETTE: The other day I lent a good friend of mine my jump rope, and she promised to return it within a week. Three weeks have passed, and when I asked her for my jump rope, she assured me I would receive it the next day. The next day arrived, my friend came to my house and she did not bring it with her. I did not ask, but this leads me to believe that something has happened to my jump rope. I just want it back so I can start working out. What do I say to her? -- Want to Work Out, Philadelphia

DEAR WANT TO WORK OUT: The lesson I hope you have learned here is that when you really need something, you should not lend it to someone else. Your generosity is backfiring on you now. Sadly, that is all too common an experience for people. As a last-ditch effort, call your friend and sternly tell her that you need your jump rope back now -- as in immediately. If she has lost it, ask her to replace it. Tell her how disappointed you are that she broke your trust.

Remind her that you are refreshing your fitness routine and that your jump rope is an integral part of your program. Ultimately, if she does not respond with a jump rope, you have to move on. Don't let this setback keep you from your fitness goals.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: At church last Sunday, I was handed an envelope from one of the church elders. When I got home, I saw that there was a check enclosed and a note saying that if I needed anything, I should reach out to her. My church knows that I have been struggling recently. I lost my job, and my landlord is threatening to evict me. I am so grateful for their support. I do need help, but I am embarrassed to tell anybody how bad it is. How can I respond to this nice woman? -- Desperately in Need, Chicago

DEAR DESPERATELY IN NEED: Your church member's note was her way of reaching out to you directly to invite you to share your story. While your church may not be able to solve your problems, your spiritual home should be a safe place for you to talk about your situation and potentially find some kind of support. Follow up with her and request a confidential meeting. At that meeting, explain everything that is going on and what you need in order to survive. Ask if the church has resources or referrals that may help you. It may be hard to do, but this should be your place of refuge. Let it be just that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just finished reading your Veterans Day column again and was touched by the content. I have been involved in veterans' issues locally and nationally for almost 30 years. This is one of the best columns I've read.

I especially appreciated the suggestion to have veterans recount their stories. I would take that a step further and ask your readers and family members of veterans to record their stories and then have them transcribed for the family. Sadly, we have lost most World War II veterans, and those still with us are approaching their 90s. Korean War veterans are in their late 70s, and Vietnam veterans are in their 60s. Programs like Shutterfly, Smilebox and others allow you to make booklets of photos and other memorabilia, including military awards and transcripts of military history, which make great keepsakes for the entire family.

With 15,000 posts across the country, the American Legion (formed in 1919) is a great resource for non-veterans and veterans alike and their families. Legion sponsorship of outstanding programs like Boys and Girls State, American Legion Baseball, scouting and oratorical contests help shape our youth and are worthy of volunteer support and donations. Visit legion.org for more information.

I have seen firsthand the great love this country has for our military and our veterans, and I am grateful for folks like you who remind us of the great service and sacrifice of those who have given much for this country. -- Terry Schow, National Executive Committee, The American Legion Utah, Salt Lake City

DEAR TERRY: Thank you for your letter. My father was an officer in World War II, and my uncle was a Tuskegee Airman. It was rare that we spoke of their years of service. Yet I know that practicing remembrance as well as offering gratitude for the sacrifices that our family and community members have offered on our behalf is essential to living a great life. May we all remember those who serve throughout the year.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: As the holidays approach, I find myself feeling more and more stressed out because I am thinking I would like to be alone this holiday season. My anxiety comes from the endless questions about my personal life. Who am I dating? When am I getting married? In times past, I have put on a happy face and given a witty answer. However, I do not feel like doing that this year. I am considering boycotting family gatherings all together. What should I do? -- Hermit for the Holidays, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR HERMIT FOR THE HOLIDAYS: I want you to take a step back, take a deep breath and then take a look at your life. You mention questions that are uncomfortable for you to discuss with your family. While it makes sense that you should not have to feel like you are being grilled about your life with them, it sounds like you are feeling uncomfortable about your current circumstances. What's important, therefore, is for you to do a self-assessment and figure out which areas of your life are fulfilling and which are not.

Are you dating and/or do you want to date? Do you want to get married, or are you comfortable being single? When you feel established in acceptance of whatever your state is at the time, it becomes easier for you to handle other people's questions. You can also divert conversations to the topics you want to discuss. You can directly tell people that you are happy to discuss work, your home, your hobbies -- whatever makes you feel at ease -- but that your personal life is off-limits.

You may want to consider establishing clear boundaries and even possibly inviting a friend to join you rather than staying away. Becoming a hermit could easily fuel uneasy feelings within you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been seeing my boyfriend for six months now, and he does not allow me to speak to any of his female friends. I dropped him off at his house after our date was over, and there was a woman in a car in front of his house waiting for his return. My boyfriend got out of my car and proceeded to walk over to the woman's car without introducing me. I do not know what he was thinking, but I am concerned about his behavior. Why won't he introduce me to his female friend? Should I be concerned, or am I paranoid because I do not have his undivided attention? -- A Committed Relationship?, Chicago

DEAR A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP?: You have every reason to be concerned. A six-month relationship should be considered committed on some level. It is time for you to figure out what that commitment means on his part. Ask him in a very straightforward manner what he believes your relationship is. Is it exclusive between the two of you? Is he still dating other people? What does he want in the future?

Continue by asking about his female friends. While you do not necessarily need to know every woman he knows, it makes no sense that a woman would be waiting at his home and he would not say who she is or introduce you to her. That is suspicious. If he refuses to tell you, read his silence as a warning that says, "Stop."

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)