DEAR HARRIETTE: At church last Sunday, I was handed an envelope from one of the church elders. When I got home, I saw that there was a check enclosed and a note saying that if I needed anything, I should reach out to her. My church knows that I have been struggling recently. I lost my job, and my landlord is threatening to evict me. I am so grateful for their support. I do need help, but I am embarrassed to tell anybody how bad it is. How can I respond to this nice woman? -- Desperately in Need, Chicago

DEAR DESPERATELY IN NEED: Your church member's note was her way of reaching out to you directly to invite you to share your story. While your church may not be able to solve your problems, your spiritual home should be a safe place for you to talk about your situation and potentially find some kind of support. Follow up with her and request a confidential meeting. At that meeting, explain everything that is going on and what you need in order to survive. Ask if the church has resources or referrals that may help you. It may be hard to do, but this should be your place of refuge. Let it be just that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just finished reading your Veterans Day column again and was touched by the content. I have been involved in veterans' issues locally and nationally for almost 30 years. This is one of the best columns I've read.

I especially appreciated the suggestion to have veterans recount their stories. I would take that a step further and ask your readers and family members of veterans to record their stories and then have them transcribed for the family. Sadly, we have lost most World War II veterans, and those still with us are approaching their 90s. Korean War veterans are in their late 70s, and Vietnam veterans are in their 60s. Programs like Shutterfly, Smilebox and others allow you to make booklets of photos and other memorabilia, including military awards and transcripts of military history, which make great keepsakes for the entire family.

With 15,000 posts across the country, the American Legion (formed in 1919) is a great resource for non-veterans and veterans alike and their families. Legion sponsorship of outstanding programs like Boys and Girls State, American Legion Baseball, scouting and oratorical contests help shape our youth and are worthy of volunteer support and donations. Visit legion.org for more information.

I have seen firsthand the great love this country has for our military and our veterans, and I am grateful for folks like you who remind us of the great service and sacrifice of those who have given much for this country. -- Terry Schow, National Executive Committee, The American Legion Utah, Salt Lake City

DEAR TERRY: Thank you for your letter. My father was an officer in World War II, and my uncle was a Tuskegee Airman. It was rare that we spoke of their years of service. Yet I know that practicing remembrance as well as offering gratitude for the sacrifices that our family and community members have offered on our behalf is essential to living a great life. May we all remember those who serve throughout the year.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: As the holidays approach, I find myself feeling more and more stressed out because I am thinking I would like to be alone this holiday season. My anxiety comes from the endless questions about my personal life. Who am I dating? When am I getting married? In times past, I have put on a happy face and given a witty answer. However, I do not feel like doing that this year. I am considering boycotting family gatherings all together. What should I do? -- Hermit for the Holidays, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR HERMIT FOR THE HOLIDAYS: I want you to take a step back, take a deep breath and then take a look at your life. You mention questions that are uncomfortable for you to discuss with your family. While it makes sense that you should not have to feel like you are being grilled about your life with them, it sounds like you are feeling uncomfortable about your current circumstances. What's important, therefore, is for you to do a self-assessment and figure out which areas of your life are fulfilling and which are not.

Are you dating and/or do you want to date? Do you want to get married, or are you comfortable being single? When you feel established in acceptance of whatever your state is at the time, it becomes easier for you to handle other people's questions. You can also divert conversations to the topics you want to discuss. You can directly tell people that you are happy to discuss work, your home, your hobbies -- whatever makes you feel at ease -- but that your personal life is off-limits.

You may want to consider establishing clear boundaries and even possibly inviting a friend to join you rather than staying away. Becoming a hermit could easily fuel uneasy feelings within you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been seeing my boyfriend for six months now, and he does not allow me to speak to any of his female friends. I dropped him off at his house after our date was over, and there was a woman in a car in front of his house waiting for his return. My boyfriend got out of my car and proceeded to walk over to the woman's car without introducing me. I do not know what he was thinking, but I am concerned about his behavior. Why won't he introduce me to his female friend? Should I be concerned, or am I paranoid because I do not have his undivided attention? -- A Committed Relationship?, Chicago

DEAR A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP?: You have every reason to be concerned. A six-month relationship should be considered committed on some level. It is time for you to figure out what that commitment means on his part. Ask him in a very straightforward manner what he believes your relationship is. Is it exclusive between the two of you? Is he still dating other people? What does he want in the future?

Continue by asking about his female friends. While you do not necessarily need to know every woman he knows, it makes no sense that a woman would be waiting at his home and he would not say who she is or introduce you to her. That is suspicious. If he refuses to tell you, read his silence as a warning that says, "Stop."

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend usually seems to be a guy's guy. He is into sports and cars and stuff. He is also attentive to me, which I love. We go out to dinner a lot and have fun dates. But I recently discovered something odd, or at least I think so. My boyfriend canceled a date because, of all things, he wanted to watch a Christmas movie. Later, he told me that he is addicted to holiday films and he watches them religiously every year. After he told me about it, he started to invite me to watch these movies with him. It was fun for a minute as a novelty, I guess. But I'm not the girl who is interested in chick flicks, and these are like chick flicks on steroids. Am I wrong for not wanting to kick my feet up, drink cocoa and watch Santa? -- Scrooge, Dallas

DEAR SCROOGE: OK, so you are not a big sentimentalist. Look on the bright side: The holiday movie season lasts a short time -- it's actually shorter than most professional sports seasons. This is not a forever experience. While you do not have to watch every one of his holiday flicks, why not entertain him by plopping down on the sofa with him sometimes? Relationships are all about compromise and learning to appreciate and even enjoy things that your partner likes that may not be your favorite activities.

My vote is for you to watch occasionally and, more important, not express any disdain about him and his guilty pleasure. It could be much worse! Note to you: Make sure that you present him with something special and thoughtful for the holiday since you know it ranks very high on his list of priorities.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I met with an old acquaintance recently who was pitching a new business that he's working on. It's one of those multi-level marketing things. He is super excited and obviously he wants me to buy stuff from him, but even more, he wants me to join the business. I have absolutely no interest in doing either. I like him and give him credit for trying to make things work for himself after he lost his job a few years back, but part of me is irritated because I feel like he used his woe-is-me story to try to get me to spend money. Now he keeps calling and emailing with more pitches for what I should buy from him. How can I get him to back off without seeming rude? -- Enough, Salt Lake City

DEAR ENOUGH: Some people require direct, crystal-clear communication in order to respond appropriately. You can tell this man, either over the phone or via email if you must, that you are happy for him and his new business venture, but you will not be purchasing any products or joining his business. Wish him luck and end the communication. Do not promise to refer him to people unless you want him to keep contacting you. Do not promise anything at all. Just offer your good wishes for his success and put a period on it. If he continues to call or write, do not respond.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)