DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently started a new job, and I am trying to get acclimated. I feel like there is a lot of competition going on. From my first day, there's this woman who seems to have it out for me. I can feel her watching me, but whenever I try to speak to her, she looks away. We don't have similar jobs, so I'm not sure what that's all about. Most of the staff has worked there for years, so I'm really the newbie. I want to make inroads and feel comfortable. How can I do that? -- Newbie, Detroit

DEAR NEWBIE: Think about each of your co-workers. Can you identify anybody with whom you have established a friendly exchange? If so, start with that person -- be friendly and attentive. At the same time, do your best to engage everyone. Greet them warmly with eye contact and a friendly, "Good morning." Even if they do not respond, continue to be gracious.

As far as the woman who currently treats you in a contentious way, be rigorously kind to her. Do not give in to her negativity. You do not need to attempt conversation with her. Just greet her with a smile. If you have to work directly with her, be professional and pleasant. You may learn what her grudge is over time.

It takes time to build bonds with people. If you remain anchored in doing your best as you continue to be positive and friendly, you will be doing all that you can toward forging a positive future there.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son's friend won an iPhone 6 at their school fundraiser. Ever since then, my son, who is 12, has been begging me to get him one. That phone is ridiculously expensive. I do not think it makes any sense to purchase it for him. I understand that he is envious of his friend with the phone. Their whole friend group bought raffle tickets, but only one kid could win. How do I manage his emotions about this? I am not buying him that phone. -- Redefining Values, Chicago

DEAR REDEFINING VALUES: Remind your son of how his friend acquired the phone. Every now and then, somebody does come across really good luck. Make it clear that the only way that you would allow him, at his age, to have such an expensive telephone would be if he won it honestly. Otherwise, you do not believe it makes sense for a 12-year-old to have such a thing. Remind him of the fact that phones are commonly stolen, broken and lost -- all reasons why a child should not have that phone. Tell him how much the phone costs. You can suggest that he save up his money if he really wants this phone. When he has enough money, you two can have the conversation again.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a small friend group, and we have been close for a long time. Even if we don't talk a lot, we check in when anything big is happening in our lives. That's why I was shocked to learn that one of my good friends got married a few months ago and never told me. I found out from one of our mutual friends who participated in the wedding. I feel really hurt. We used to talk all the time. While I know that people can invite whomever they want to their wedding, I can't understand why I wasn't even informed, let alone invited. I want to say something, but I don't have a clue what to say. -- Speechless, Syracuse, New York

DEAR SPEECHLESS: You first have to lick your wounds and assume that the reason you were left out was not personal. It is far more likely that your friend got caught up in her plans, and if you are not one of the people she talks to on a regular basis, you may, sadly, have been an oversight. Naturally, that doesn't make you feel much better, but it may be true.

What you can do is call your friend and congratulate her on her nuptials. Without fishing for why you weren't invited, have a loving and open conversation. Ask her about her husband, how they met, etc. Tell her that you would love to meet him at some point in the future. In other words, let the past be the past. If she has a reason for not inviting you, it will come out over time. But don't approach her thinking the worst. Just be happy for her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I hate to feel this way, but I am jealous of my husband. He and I started a weight loss campaign in the summer. When we got on the scale, we weighed almost the same. I have been working my butt off, exercising and eating carefully, as has he. The difference is I have barely lost 10 pounds, and he has lost 15 and counting. It's not fair! I feel like there's nothing I can do to catch up with him. He isn't gloating or anything, but I look at him and I feel bad about myself. How can I change my attitude? -- Attitude Check, Milwaukee

DEAR ATTITUDE CHECK: Your focus and attention need to be squarely on you, not on your husband or anybody else. Look at yourself in the mirror. Thank yourself for getting this far. Commit to figuring out what you need to do to reach your goal. Watch what you eat. I'm sure you know that you have to take in fewer calories than you burn or your exercise will not manifest the results you want. You may want to get a physical and go to a nutritionist to get advice on intake. You may also want to work with a trainer to up your cardio workout. This can help you to burn more calories. Congratulate your husband and yourself. And keep your eyes on the prize!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: How do I introduce my new friend to my family? We have only been seeing each other for about five weeks now. We like each other a lot. In fact, I plan to bring her around my family during Thanksgiving weekend. I haven't brought a woman home in a long time, so I know it's going to mean something to my folks. I am nervous because my family is nosy, and they are going to ask myriad questions. I am not sure how to handle their pending questions. Should I just spare my family the confusion and refer to her as my girlfriend? -- Somewhat Nervous, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR SOMEWHAT NERVOUS: If you consider your friend to be your girlfriend, call her that. If you have not reached that stage in your budding relationship, call it what it is. You can tell them in advance that you are bringing a friend with you to dinner, a woman you have been dating for a few weeks now. You can ask them to help make her feel comfortable by not prying too much.

Prep her as well. Let her know that your family members are inquisitive and may ask her lots of questions. She can decide in advance what she wants to discuss and where she might draw the line. It is most important for the two of you to be clear on the status of your relationship before you get there. Agree on whether you are friends, girlfriend-boyfriend or something else. As long as you are united, you will be able to make the atmosphere as comfortable as possible.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife does not like surprises, but I would like to give her a surprise party for her 45th birthday. I know I am going against her wishes, but I think it would be fun to plan something without her input. How can I get away with planning her birthday without embarrassing my wife and avoid getting hurt in the process? -- Surprise, Surprise, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR SURPRISE, SURPRISE: I am not a believer in doing for someone something that you know the person wouldn't like. I feel doubly sure about that when you are speaking about a surprise for your wife. Here's the thing: People often make the mistake of superimposing their views and desires on their loved ones. That is not the way to inspire happiness in those people.

Instead, pay attention to your loved one. What do you think your wife would appreciate for her special birthday? Think long and hard. And guess what? You can ask her for her input. Making a celebration special does not require surprise. It could be that collaboration is the best idea. Tell your wife that you want to do something extra-special for her upon reaching this milestone. Ask her to talk to you about her heart's desires. Figure out if you can execute one of her dream celebrations.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)