DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a small friend group, and we have been close for a long time. Even if we don't talk a lot, we check in when anything big is happening in our lives. That's why I was shocked to learn that one of my good friends got married a few months ago and never told me. I found out from one of our mutual friends who participated in the wedding. I feel really hurt. We used to talk all the time. While I know that people can invite whomever they want to their wedding, I can't understand why I wasn't even informed, let alone invited. I want to say something, but I don't have a clue what to say. -- Speechless, Syracuse, New York

DEAR SPEECHLESS: You first have to lick your wounds and assume that the reason you were left out was not personal. It is far more likely that your friend got caught up in her plans, and if you are not one of the people she talks to on a regular basis, you may, sadly, have been an oversight. Naturally, that doesn't make you feel much better, but it may be true.

What you can do is call your friend and congratulate her on her nuptials. Without fishing for why you weren't invited, have a loving and open conversation. Ask her about her husband, how they met, etc. Tell her that you would love to meet him at some point in the future. In other words, let the past be the past. If she has a reason for not inviting you, it will come out over time. But don't approach her thinking the worst. Just be happy for her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I hate to feel this way, but I am jealous of my husband. He and I started a weight loss campaign in the summer. When we got on the scale, we weighed almost the same. I have been working my butt off, exercising and eating carefully, as has he. The difference is I have barely lost 10 pounds, and he has lost 15 and counting. It's not fair! I feel like there's nothing I can do to catch up with him. He isn't gloating or anything, but I look at him and I feel bad about myself. How can I change my attitude? -- Attitude Check, Milwaukee

DEAR ATTITUDE CHECK: Your focus and attention need to be squarely on you, not on your husband or anybody else. Look at yourself in the mirror. Thank yourself for getting this far. Commit to figuring out what you need to do to reach your goal. Watch what you eat. I'm sure you know that you have to take in fewer calories than you burn or your exercise will not manifest the results you want. You may want to get a physical and go to a nutritionist to get advice on intake. You may also want to work with a trainer to up your cardio workout. This can help you to burn more calories. Congratulate your husband and yourself. And keep your eyes on the prize!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: How do I introduce my new friend to my family? We have only been seeing each other for about five weeks now. We like each other a lot. In fact, I plan to bring her around my family during Thanksgiving weekend. I haven't brought a woman home in a long time, so I know it's going to mean something to my folks. I am nervous because my family is nosy, and they are going to ask myriad questions. I am not sure how to handle their pending questions. Should I just spare my family the confusion and refer to her as my girlfriend? -- Somewhat Nervous, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR SOMEWHAT NERVOUS: If you consider your friend to be your girlfriend, call her that. If you have not reached that stage in your budding relationship, call it what it is. You can tell them in advance that you are bringing a friend with you to dinner, a woman you have been dating for a few weeks now. You can ask them to help make her feel comfortable by not prying too much.

Prep her as well. Let her know that your family members are inquisitive and may ask her lots of questions. She can decide in advance what she wants to discuss and where she might draw the line. It is most important for the two of you to be clear on the status of your relationship before you get there. Agree on whether you are friends, girlfriend-boyfriend or something else. As long as you are united, you will be able to make the atmosphere as comfortable as possible.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife does not like surprises, but I would like to give her a surprise party for her 45th birthday. I know I am going against her wishes, but I think it would be fun to plan something without her input. How can I get away with planning her birthday without embarrassing my wife and avoid getting hurt in the process? -- Surprise, Surprise, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR SURPRISE, SURPRISE: I am not a believer in doing for someone something that you know the person wouldn't like. I feel doubly sure about that when you are speaking about a surprise for your wife. Here's the thing: People often make the mistake of superimposing their views and desires on their loved ones. That is not the way to inspire happiness in those people.

Instead, pay attention to your loved one. What do you think your wife would appreciate for her special birthday? Think long and hard. And guess what? You can ask her for her input. Making a celebration special does not require surprise. It could be that collaboration is the best idea. Tell your wife that you want to do something extra-special for her upon reaching this milestone. Ask her to talk to you about her heart's desires. Figure out if you can execute one of her dream celebrations.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a new job, and my father calls me every day at work and wants to talk. My boss does not like when the employees are on the phone dealing with non-business matters during office hours. I do not want to hurt my dad's feelings. He is a senior citizen and has always been there for me. What can I say to him? -- I Am Working, Chicago

DEAR I AM WORKING: Set up an off-hours time to talk that can be your special time with your father. You could make it in the morning before work or at some time after work and on the weekends. Tell him how important it is to you that you get your talk time on a regular basis. Point out that you can talk at work only if it is an emergency. Explain that the rules at your new job prohibit personal phone calls. This should not hurt his feelings. It is simply stating a fact.

When he next calls at work, you can remind him right away that you can talk at your appointed time. It may take a while to get him in the new rhythm, so be patient. You may even want to tell your boss that you are working with your dad to wean him off of calling you at work. Ask your boss to be lenient with you, if at all possible, because your dad is old and you don't want to hurt his feelings.

You may find that not answering the phone sometimes is your only viable solution. You can resort to that action when you are busy and it really is inappropriate for you to have a personal conversation.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My family has an annual tradition where we go Christmas shopping on Black Friday. A few years back, it was the thing to do because there were not many people out so early in the morning. However, that is not the case these days. People camp out in front of their favorite stores almost 24 hours in advance and have missed Thanksgiving celebrations altogether. I am having second thoughts about going out this year. I know my wife would really appreciate it if I go with her, but I do not want to wake up early to go out shopping. How can I get out of this situation without disappointing her? -- Breaking the Family Tradition, West Orange, New Jersey

DEAR BREAKING THE FAMILY TRADITION: Sit down with your wife and map out a list of what you need and want to buy during this first wave of the holiday rush. Do you know what you want to buy for holiday gifts and household needs? Taking this practical action can help you both sober up as it relates to rushing out in the Black Friday flurry of activity. Many people end up spending money on items they don't need simply because they were on sale.

Talk to your wife about what is practical. If she really just wants to enjoy the drama of it all, come up with a budget together. And then tell her you really do not want to participate. Be honest about your reservations. Suggest that she go with a friend or other family member who enjoys the experience.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)