DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a new job, and my father calls me every day at work and wants to talk. My boss does not like when the employees are on the phone dealing with non-business matters during office hours. I do not want to hurt my dad's feelings. He is a senior citizen and has always been there for me. What can I say to him? -- I Am Working, Chicago

DEAR I AM WORKING: Set up an off-hours time to talk that can be your special time with your father. You could make it in the morning before work or at some time after work and on the weekends. Tell him how important it is to you that you get your talk time on a regular basis. Point out that you can talk at work only if it is an emergency. Explain that the rules at your new job prohibit personal phone calls. This should not hurt his feelings. It is simply stating a fact.

When he next calls at work, you can remind him right away that you can talk at your appointed time. It may take a while to get him in the new rhythm, so be patient. You may even want to tell your boss that you are working with your dad to wean him off of calling you at work. Ask your boss to be lenient with you, if at all possible, because your dad is old and you don't want to hurt his feelings.

You may find that not answering the phone sometimes is your only viable solution. You can resort to that action when you are busy and it really is inappropriate for you to have a personal conversation.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My family has an annual tradition where we go Christmas shopping on Black Friday. A few years back, it was the thing to do because there were not many people out so early in the morning. However, that is not the case these days. People camp out in front of their favorite stores almost 24 hours in advance and have missed Thanksgiving celebrations altogether. I am having second thoughts about going out this year. I know my wife would really appreciate it if I go with her, but I do not want to wake up early to go out shopping. How can I get out of this situation without disappointing her? -- Breaking the Family Tradition, West Orange, New Jersey

DEAR BREAKING THE FAMILY TRADITION: Sit down with your wife and map out a list of what you need and want to buy during this first wave of the holiday rush. Do you know what you want to buy for holiday gifts and household needs? Taking this practical action can help you both sober up as it relates to rushing out in the Black Friday flurry of activity. Many people end up spending money on items they don't need simply because they were on sale.

Talk to your wife about what is practical. If she really just wants to enjoy the drama of it all, come up with a budget together. And then tell her you really do not want to participate. Be honest about your reservations. Suggest that she go with a friend or other family member who enjoys the experience.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating a guy for about four months now. He is very sweet to me. I like his personality a lot. I work in an office as an office manager; he works construction. I think that's great, except that he doesn't always see the need to shower and change at the end of the day. So if he asks me out on a date, even if he has time to come home, shower and change, he often does not. I don't mean to sound like a snob, but I don't really want to go to a nice restaurant or even to the movies and snuggle up next to somebody who smells like dust and sweat. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I need to tell him. -- Clean Up, Detroit

DEAR CLEAN UP: I bet your guy has been single for a long time. One of the most common "side effects" of a loving relationship is some good old TLC. Chances are, he hasn't put two and two together at all. He is so eager to see you, getting to you is top of mind. Bathing is not even on the radar. This may be true for white-collar men, too. It's just less obvious because of the nature of their work.

Definitely tell him, but in a nice way. When you are planning for your next date, ask him what he's going to wear. Encourage him by suggesting that he shower and wear whatever cologne you like that he wears, or you could recommend a specific shirt and tie that you have loved him wearing in the past. Make it a sensuous experience. That should encourage him to clean up so that he can enjoy your affection more completely.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father passed away several years ago. This year, my family decided to host a celebration to remember him on his birthday. My sisters thought this might remind the family of what a good man he was and help guide some of the cousins to do better as some of them have started to go down a bad path. I think that sounds nice, but I doubt it will make a difference. In a way, I don't want to do this. How about if nothing happens? Will we be dishonoring him by bringing his memory into it? What should I do? -- Remembering Daddy, Salt Lake City

DEAR REMEMBERING DADDY: Invoking memories of a loved one who was strong and focused can be inspiring, especially to family members. It is one way that people mourn and also a way that people can be awakened to the potential that runs through their veins.

Rather than being skeptical, choose to be optimistic. Ask each family member to come with memories of your father, stories of how his words or actions positively affected them. Be prepared to talk about revelatory moments with your father where his discipline may have set you back on course. Talk to your cousins to see where their thoughts are. Invite them to consider redirecting their steps to a more strategic goal. Stay in touch with them and let your father's wisdom course through your actions into theirs.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work with a young woman who is very eager to do a good job but who is limited in her skills. I brought her on as an intern. She has such a great heart that I have been trying hard to get her up to speed on the basic skills that this job requires. But so far it's not working. I'm thinking she would be better suited to a field that requires less writing, since this is definitely a weakness for her. I feel bad, though, having to tell her that it's not working out. How can I let her down easy? -- Not a Fit, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR NOT A FIT: The greatest gift you have to offer this young employee is the truth. Be specific with her about what strengths you believe she has and can cultivate, including what types of classes you might recommend for her future growth. And absolutely tell her that you do not think she is right for the job she is in for the particular reasons that you can outline. If writing is the main issue, you should also make it clear to her that she must hone those skills. These days, everyone needs to be able to write fluid, grammatically correct communications. There is virtually no job that is completely free of writing.

DEAR HARRIETTE: There is a new boy in my son's class. He entered in the sixth grade, an awkward time because most of the children are already friends. He has been pushy and generally a thorn in their side as the school year has gotten underway. My son complains about him all the time. One day I observed him, and what I saw was a child desperately trying to fit in. He does pranks, curses and pretty much anything he can to be noticed. And it is backfiring like crazy. I want my son to be kind to this boy and to treat him with compassion. I see how hard it is, considering that this boy is somewhat of a troublemaker. What do you suggest? -- Pariah Observer, Los Angeles

DEAR PARIAH OBSERVER: Good for you that you didn't simply take your son's word at face value. It is challenging at best for new students to get acclimated and make friends. While you cannot force your son to become this boy's friend, you can remind him that it is always kind to look out for the underdog. Talk to him about group dynamics, including what it feels like to be alone or to not know anyone in a social setting. Ask him to imagine how he would feel if he were the new kid at school. If you can get him to envision the experiences that this boy is currently having, you may be able to convince your son to be more welcoming of this child. Obviously, you should not suggest that your son put himself in harm's way, but if he could choose to make the effort to reach out to the boy, he may end up being able to help this new student calm down and become easier to be around.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)