DEAR HARRIETTE: I work with a young woman who is very eager to do a good job but who is limited in her skills. I brought her on as an intern. She has such a great heart that I have been trying hard to get her up to speed on the basic skills that this job requires. But so far it's not working. I'm thinking she would be better suited to a field that requires less writing, since this is definitely a weakness for her. I feel bad, though, having to tell her that it's not working out. How can I let her down easy? -- Not a Fit, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR NOT A FIT: The greatest gift you have to offer this young employee is the truth. Be specific with her about what strengths you believe she has and can cultivate, including what types of classes you might recommend for her future growth. And absolutely tell her that you do not think she is right for the job she is in for the particular reasons that you can outline. If writing is the main issue, you should also make it clear to her that she must hone those skills. These days, everyone needs to be able to write fluid, grammatically correct communications. There is virtually no job that is completely free of writing.

DEAR HARRIETTE: There is a new boy in my son's class. He entered in the sixth grade, an awkward time because most of the children are already friends. He has been pushy and generally a thorn in their side as the school year has gotten underway. My son complains about him all the time. One day I observed him, and what I saw was a child desperately trying to fit in. He does pranks, curses and pretty much anything he can to be noticed. And it is backfiring like crazy. I want my son to be kind to this boy and to treat him with compassion. I see how hard it is, considering that this boy is somewhat of a troublemaker. What do you suggest? -- Pariah Observer, Los Angeles

DEAR PARIAH OBSERVER: Good for you that you didn't simply take your son's word at face value. It is challenging at best for new students to get acclimated and make friends. While you cannot force your son to become this boy's friend, you can remind him that it is always kind to look out for the underdog. Talk to him about group dynamics, including what it feels like to be alone or to not know anyone in a social setting. Ask him to imagine how he would feel if he were the new kid at school. If you can get him to envision the experiences that this boy is currently having, you may be able to convince your son to be more welcoming of this child. Obviously, you should not suggest that your son put himself in harm's way, but if he could choose to make the effort to reach out to the boy, he may end up being able to help this new student calm down and become easier to be around.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-husband invited me to meet him for dinner next week. He will be in town and thought that it would be good for us to have a moment, as he put it. We have been divorced for six years, and the reason we broke up is because he had multiple affairs. I was devastated for a long time. I have since moved on. I am remarried and have a good life. My ex said he had some news to share with me. I am not sure if I should go to find out what it is. Also, I'm not sure if I should mention this to my husband. He knows about how ugly that marriage became, and I don't want to dredge up old stuff. -- Old and New, Boston

DEAR OLD AND NEW: There is no telling what your ex wants to share with you. You have to decide if you are curious enough to find out. You should definitely discuss this with your husband. Do not put yourself in the vulnerable position of meeting this man without your husband's knowledge and blessing. You will only be creating potential discord in your marriage as you would also be losing the type of emotional support that your husband can provide. When you talk to your husband, go through all of the thoughts and concerns that you have. Know that your ex might even want to apologize to you for his past actions. Even if that is the case, you want your husband to be a part of it.

In the best of worlds, I say go to the meeting with your current husband. Whatever your ex has to tell you, let him say it to the two of you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I did a project for a friend that was supposed to be used on the Internet only. I have worked with him many times before, and he is a stand-up guy. This time, the project involved other people and was on a much bigger scale. It looks great, and all of the participants were excited until we discovered that the project was also used as a major advertisement for a big international company. We did not sign up for that. Nobody got paid for this, and we would have required payment if we had known it was going to be an ad. What is our recourse at this point? -- Hoodwinked, Atlanta

DEAR HOODWINKED: Contact your friend immediately to find out what he knows. Tell him your concerns and ask him to get to the bottom of it.

It is time to lawyer up! In preparation for what will likely be an expensive engagement with an attorney, contact all of the parties in question whom you believe have been duped to see if you are on the same page. Then go to an attorney together. Unless you signed a release that expressly states that you have given permission for your work to be used in an ad, it cannot.

Do your homework. Find out absolutely everything you can about the project. Gather screen shots of the ads and any and all proof of how the project was improperly used. Then, with your attorney, approach whoever the official entities are for the project, including the company that is running the ads. The lawyers will then step in to do their job.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I take public transportation on a regular basis, and there is a growing trend where people bring their dogs on the subway. In the beginning, there were two ways people would travel with their dogs: They would put them in a small bag or in a travel cage. Nowadays, people bring dogs of all sizes on the subway. I find it unsanitary to have a dog sit in a seat or lay on the subway floor. I would like to see this alarming trend come to an end sooner than later. I do not mind people bringing their pets on the subway as long as they are properly contained. Is there someone I can write to or call about this unwanted trend? -- Control Your Dog, Bronx, New York

DEAR CONTROL YOUR DOG: As one who is allergic to dogs and cats, I totally understand your dismay at having them riding on a subway car near you without being properly contained. The guidelines of the New York Metropolitan Transportation Authority clearly state that pets can travel, as you point out, if they are in a bag or cage. They are not allowed to travel on a subway unless they are contained. That includes large dogs. There actually are large, wheeled containers for bigger dogs. Only service dogs are allowed on public transportation unenclosed.

That said, if you discover offenders to the laws, call 511 to report what you witnessed. If passengers remain attentive about such reporting, there may be a chance that offenders will follow directions.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 7-year-old daughter loves playing with her 13-year-old brother's toys. She has her own toys, but she does not play with them because she said that boys' toys are "way cooler." I don't know what "way cooler" means, but I would prefer my girl to play with her toys. Do you think I am wrong for thinking this way, or should I find "cooler" girl toys for my daughter to play with? -- Daddy's Little Girl, West Orange, New Jersey

DEAR DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL: Your son's toys will be fascinating to your daughter no matter what they are because they belong to her big brother. Her desire to play with them shows her interest in connecting with him. Chances are, if you bought her duplicates of all of his toys, she would still choose to play with his. This could be extremely annoying to your teenage son, who is probably doing his best to grow up and be independent.

Suggest to your son that he devote some of his time to playing with his sister. Enjoying a bit of her brother's attention should help her to become less obsessive about his toys. Suggest that your son let her play with one of his toys on a regular basis as long as she agrees that she will not touch any of his other toys without his permission. Negotiating playtime and boundaries should help them to find a comfort zone.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)