life

Subway Rides Going to the Dogs

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | November 12th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I take public transportation on a regular basis, and there is a growing trend where people bring their dogs on the subway. In the beginning, there were two ways people would travel with their dogs: They would put them in a small bag or in a travel cage. Nowadays, people bring dogs of all sizes on the subway. I find it unsanitary to have a dog sit in a seat or lay on the subway floor. I would like to see this alarming trend come to an end sooner than later. I do not mind people bringing their pets on the subway as long as they are properly contained. Is there someone I can write to or call about this unwanted trend? -- Control Your Dog, Bronx, New York

DEAR CONTROL YOUR DOG: As one who is allergic to dogs and cats, I totally understand your dismay at having them riding on a subway car near you without being properly contained. The guidelines of the New York Metropolitan Transportation Authority clearly state that pets can travel, as you point out, if they are in a bag or cage. They are not allowed to travel on a subway unless they are contained. That includes large dogs. There actually are large, wheeled containers for bigger dogs. Only service dogs are allowed on public transportation unenclosed.

That said, if you discover offenders to the laws, call 511 to report what you witnessed. If passengers remain attentive about such reporting, there may be a chance that offenders will follow directions.

Etiquette & EthicsHealth & Safety
life

Dad Worried About Daughter Playing With Brother's Toys

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | November 12th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 7-year-old daughter loves playing with her 13-year-old brother's toys. She has her own toys, but she does not play with them because she said that boys' toys are "way cooler." I don't know what "way cooler" means, but I would prefer my girl to play with her toys. Do you think I am wrong for thinking this way, or should I find "cooler" girl toys for my daughter to play with? -- Daddy's Little Girl, West Orange, New Jersey

DEAR DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL: Your son's toys will be fascinating to your daughter no matter what they are because they belong to her big brother. Her desire to play with them shows her interest in connecting with him. Chances are, if you bought her duplicates of all of his toys, she would still choose to play with his. This could be extremely annoying to your teenage son, who is probably doing his best to grow up and be independent.

Suggest to your son that he devote some of his time to playing with his sister. Enjoying a bit of her brother's attention should help her to become less obsessive about his toys. Suggest that your son let her play with one of his toys on a regular basis as long as she agrees that she will not touch any of his other toys without his permission. Negotiating playtime and boundaries should help them to find a comfort zone.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Family & ParentingSex & Gender
life

How Will You Help Veterans Today?

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | November 11th, 2014

DEAR READERS: We honor those great Americans who have chosen to serve our country through the military. If you look back at history, you will see that from the very beginning of our great nation, people were fighting for freedom. Thousands of lives have been lost in the name of freedom. And many thousands more have been injured in one way or another. Of course, there also are veterans whose lives were spared and who moved on to reap the hard-earned benefits that have been put in place to support them and their families as they build their lives.

To all of our veterans, we owe our gratitude. This is true whether we have believed in the particular war that they were fighting or not. For someone to choose to put him- or herself in harm's way on behalf of our country is an honorable pursuit.

Each year we honor veterans at this time. How will you honor veterans today? What will you do to show your gratitude for their service? The options are vast. Start with your family. Are there any veterans among you? If any are alive, contact them and thank them for their service. Ask them to share stories with you of what they did when they were in service. If you have family members on active duty, reach out to them and make sure they know how much they are loved.

Consider making an offering to a veterans' charity. The Wounded Warrior Project (woundedwarriorproject.org) does remarkable work to support veterans in need. You can donate clothing to veterans using Pick Up Please (pickupplease.org). With this organization, you schedule a pickup and leave your package outside your door on the scheduled day. If you live in an apartment building without a doorman, you may want to use a different type of service. Another organization that collects money to support veterans is the USO (uso.org).

You can also give your time. Visit a veterans' hospital and spend time listening to veterans recount their stories. Contact your local veterans administration and find out about writing letters to military overseas. Make a group effort with friends and family where you go to a veterans' hospital and spread cheer. This can be as simple as going from room to room expressing gratitude to playing games with them to just chatting.

Politically, if you take issue with the policies that are currently in place regarding the military, speak up. Use this time to engage your voice productively. Change occurs when enough people speak up about their concerns. You can write to your members of Congress. You can write to the president of the United States. You can write to the Department of Veterans Affairs. Bottom line -- you do not have to feel powerless. You can make your thoughts known to officials who have the power to invoke change. This is a precious right that Americans have. Let us not be silenced. If we feel strongly about the treatment of veterans or about the status of our involvement in current wars, we must speak our minds. This is the gift and responsibility of freedom.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Holidays & Celebrations
life

Friend Has Options When Bringing Up Drinking

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | November 10th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend has lost a lot of weight recently, and I am worried about him. He says he has not changed his eating habits, but I never see him eat a thing. One day I saw him make a rum and cola at 10 a.m.! I asked him if he was OK because no one drinks at this time of day unless they're in serious denial, and I hope this does not apply to my friend. He told me his drinking binge started while he was on the road because he wanted to ease the pain of being bored. My friend recently turned 30, and I am concerned he may be a high-functioning alcoholic. I would like to get him some help, but I do not know what to do. What is my first step? -- A Concerned Friend, Nashville, Tennessee

DEAR A CONCERNED FRIEND: Since your friend admitted that he has been binge drinking and that he even knows the reason why, you have an opening to begin a conversation with him. Tell him that you care about him and that right now you are very concerned about his drinking. Tell him that you have done some research and learned that, according to the National Institute on Alcohol and Alcoholism, binge drinking for men is typically when a man consumes five or more drinks in one sitting or when a woman consumes four or more (cdc.gov/alcohol/fact-sheets/binge-drinking.htm).

Because excessive drinking can be harmful to your friend's health, suggest that he get help. He can go to Alcoholics Anonymous. There are free meetings all over the United States, which he can find at aa.org. You can also suggest that he get a physical to learn the status of his health. If he is willing to tell his doctor about his drinking, he may be able to get medical or psychological support.

AddictionFriends & Neighbors
life

Having People Over Doesn't Have To Be Housewarming

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | November 10th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have lived in my new apartment for 10 months now, and I am planning to invite a few friends over for the first time. I am wondering if it's too late to have a housewarming party? What do you think? -- Open House, Chicago

DEAR OPEN HOUSE: Typically, a housewarming party is hosted as a way for the new occupant to settle in and even receive small gifts that could help him or her complete the new home setup. Given how long you have been in your home, you may want to position the party differently. Of course you can have a party. What you may want to do is not call it a housewarming, but simply invite them to a party at your home. It can be centered around a special event -- anything from a holiday to a birthday to a friend visiting from out of town. You could also tell them that it has been a busy year and you finally are able to welcome them to your new home. Bottom line: Have the party. Don't ask for gifts. Enjoy your friends.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Holidays & CelebrationsFriends & Neighbors

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