DEAR HARRIETTE: All of the moms at my son's school talk about "the help" they have for everything. Many of them have cooks and housekeepers and lawn maintenance people, you name it. I think it's great that they can afford all of these services. We cannot. We pay for tuition, which is hefty. And that's it. My husband works, and I am a homemaker. We figured out this was a cost-effective way to get our son the best education and be able to parent him. He and I do lots of things together at home and in town. Usually I feel good about our choices, but it's hard when these women go on and on about how they spend their wealth. Some of them work, but many do not. I don't think any of them spend as much time with their children as I do with mine. Baby sitters typically fill that void. How can I relax about this? Sometimes they really get under my skin. -- Have Not, Syracuse, New York

DEAR HAVE NOT: Change your perspective. Just as you teach your son not to covet others' things or experiences, you must do the same. In place of that dangerous, envious position, count your blessings. Remember why you and your husband made the choices that are currently guiding your steps. Reflect on specific moments you have shared with your son that are meaningful for you both.

You can also introduce other topics into the conversation with these moms. Talk about your children and how they are growing up. When you discover a great activity in town, share it with the others. Be a catalyst for broadening the conversation.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel so bad. I recommended a particular hair product to a woman at my job because her hair looks similar to mine -- really curly. I was so excited about it that she went right out and bought it. The next day she texted me to say that it was a disaster. The product did not work on her hair at all. She asked if I would like her to give it to me. I feel like I should probably buy it from her. I feel horrible. I thought I was doing her a solid, you know? And it totally backfired. What do you think I should do? -- Frizzy, Chicago

DEAR FRIZZY: Isn't it terrible when good intentions don't work out? I bet this woman knows that your heart was in the right place even though she can't use the product. Yes, it would be great for you to offer to buy the product from her, especially since you love it and it will go to good use. She may brush that off. Follow her lead after you make the offer.

In the future, if you recommend a hair product to someone, consider giving the person a small sample of yours to try. That way, the risk is low, and you still get to share your inspiration. Sometimes it may work to the person's advantage. Don't give up on sharing.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My company has informed its employees that the store will open at 6:00 p.m. on Thanksgiving because it is anticipating a large crowd for the Black Friday sales. I am not too happy because I was looking forward to spending time with my family. Now I have to cut my night short because I have to work. I am upset with the decision to open, and I am wondering if there is a way I can protest this plan to have the doors open on Thanksgiving. -- Not Thankful, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR NOT THANKFUL: This is a new trend among retailers that has a lot of employees up in arms. As you know, retailers are doing all that they can to get customers in the stores spending money, especially since for many stores sales have been in a slump of late.

I also know that this is not your problem -- in a way. What can you do? You can speak privately with your direct supervisor and request that you be allowed to come in later than has been scheduled. You can explain your personal situation and plead for mercy, although it's not likely that this will yield the desired results. If so moved, you could also gather a coalition of employees to protest.

A more practical recommendation for the future would be that you request that day off as a vacation day as early as possible, so that you skip the need to fret over this. Sadly, the new goal of opening on Thanksgiving Day is gaining ground, so this is a fight you can easily lose.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I met this beautiful woman who is nine years my junior, and for the first time in a long time, I can see a real relationship blooming. We like each other's company, and I am doing things that I would not normally do. For example, I let my date sit on the aisle seat when we go to the movies. Or if we go to a restaurant, I sit with my back toward the front door. It may seem small, but it is a big deal to me because I feel so comfortable around her that I can let my guard down. However, there is a problem: We are both in school, and as older folks trying to get our degrees, I do not want us to lose focus on our studies. How do I add this new dimension to my life? -- Happy feelings, Bronx, New York

DEAR HAPPY FEELINGS: Since both of you are in school, you both share a commitment to personal excellence. Make a conscious decision together to support each other in your educational pursuits as you also cultivate your relationship. Talk about time management. Be mindful of when you have exams or extra demands at work. Schedule time to see each other as you also give each other space to fulfill your responsibilities. If you can keep your focus on your studies, consider studying together sometimes -- it can be one version of a date for you two!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My partner and I created a crowdfunding campaign where people can donate money for our project. We wanted to raise $25,000 in a month's time. The goal was a lofty one, and we did not meet our numbers. We only raised $1,500 in 30 days. I am disappointed that more people did not give to our campaign. I plan to create another crowdfunding attempt some time soon, and I would like to know what can I do to ensure a more successful endeavor in the future. -- It Takes a Village, Nashville, Tennessee

DEAR IT TAKES A VILLAGE: I remember when the notion of crowdfunding came into our collective awareness. It sounded amazing, but almost too good to be true. My question was: Why would people I don't know choose to give me money? Now I've seen how Barack Obama, then presidential candidate, used it to collect massive numbers of $5 offerings from the American public. So, I could see that it can work. But the difference between him and me, or average folks like most of us, is that he had a clear agenda with a machine behind it.

What many people do not realize when they engage crowdfunding sources is that they need to have a complete marketing plan in place before simply asking for money. It is important to have an appealing presentation and a clear understanding of your target audience before you invite them to support you. Otherwise, it won't work. I interviewed veteran filmmaker Bill Duke (http://theroottv.theroot.com/video/Can-Crowd-Funding-Finance-a-Dre?wpisrc=trl_more_pt2) about this topic, and he explained how difficult it can be to raise money even if you are a celebrity. My recommendation to you is that before you try again, make sure that your presentation is tight, that you have identified and can reach the audience that will be interested in your project and that you are ready to push go when the money comes in.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is 10 years old, and he plays little league football. He is starting to learn how to play the game, and I would appreciate it if other parents would not heckle the children during their learning process. I do not want my son to quit because a parent may make fun of him. What are some ways I can get the parents to encourage their children and stop being mean? -- Sports Dad, West Orange, New Jersey

DEAR SPORTS DAD: Seeking a kumbaya on a sports field may be naive, as desirable as the idea is. Parents very naturally get extremely animated when they are watching their children compete in sporting activities. While it would be great for parents as a whole to be encouraging rather than disparaging, that is almost impossible to control.

I believe you will get better results by continually talking to your son and encouraging him to work hard at developing his skills. Point out to him that some children and parents can become passionate and sometimes inappropriate during a game. Encourage him to ignore those people. He must try to tune out their negative comments and refocus on doing the best job he can.

During a calm moment, you might also ask the negative parents to cool it when talking about your child or others. Do not confront the person publicly, as that likely will create an even more incendiary situation.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)