life

Crowdfunding Is Not as Easy as It May Look

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | November 6th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My partner and I created a crowdfunding campaign where people can donate money for our project. We wanted to raise $25,000 in a month's time. The goal was a lofty one, and we did not meet our numbers. We only raised $1,500 in 30 days. I am disappointed that more people did not give to our campaign. I plan to create another crowdfunding attempt some time soon, and I would like to know what can I do to ensure a more successful endeavor in the future. -- It Takes a Village, Nashville, Tennessee

DEAR IT TAKES A VILLAGE: I remember when the notion of crowdfunding came into our collective awareness. It sounded amazing, but almost too good to be true. My question was: Why would people I don't know choose to give me money? Now I've seen how Barack Obama, then presidential candidate, used it to collect massive numbers of $5 offerings from the American public. So, I could see that it can work. But the difference between him and me, or average folks like most of us, is that he had a clear agenda with a machine behind it.

What many people do not realize when they engage crowdfunding sources is that they need to have a complete marketing plan in place before simply asking for money. It is important to have an appealing presentation and a clear understanding of your target audience before you invite them to support you. Otherwise, it won't work. I interviewed veteran filmmaker Bill Duke (http://theroottv.theroot.com/video/Can-Crowd-Funding-Finance-a-Dre?wpisrc=trl_more_pt2) about this topic, and he explained how difficult it can be to raise money even if you are a celebrity. My recommendation to you is that before you try again, make sure that your presentation is tight, that you have identified and can reach the audience that will be interested in your project and that you are ready to push go when the money comes in.

Friends & NeighborsMoney
life

Dad Should Encourage Son, Even If Fans Don't

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | November 6th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is 10 years old, and he plays little league football. He is starting to learn how to play the game, and I would appreciate it if other parents would not heckle the children during their learning process. I do not want my son to quit because a parent may make fun of him. What are some ways I can get the parents to encourage their children and stop being mean? -- Sports Dad, West Orange, New Jersey

DEAR SPORTS DAD: Seeking a kumbaya on a sports field may be naive, as desirable as the idea is. Parents very naturally get extremely animated when they are watching their children compete in sporting activities. While it would be great for parents as a whole to be encouraging rather than disparaging, that is almost impossible to control.

I believe you will get better results by continually talking to your son and encouraging him to work hard at developing his skills. Point out to him that some children and parents can become passionate and sometimes inappropriate during a game. Encourage him to ignore those people. He must try to tune out their negative comments and refocus on doing the best job he can.

During a calm moment, you might also ask the negative parents to cool it when talking about your child or others. Do not confront the person publicly, as that likely will create an even more incendiary situation.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Etiquette & EthicsFamily & Parenting
life

Loud Talker May Not Know How Loud She Is

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | November 5th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have become friendly with a woman in my building who has a really good heart, but she is rough around the edges. She is so incredibly loud when she talks that I can hear her way before she gets to my door. She just talks at a super-high level. I feel like I almost need earplugs to be around her. I'm not sure what I can do about it. I can tell that she doesn't realize she is so loud. She didn't grow up with a family full of kids or anything. Who knows what's up with her, but I can't take it. I have never said anything before about her tone of voice, but I'm afraid that if I don't say anything, I will just have to avoid her. -- My Head Hurts, Denver

DEAR MY HEAD HURTS: It is not rude for you to tell your friend that she is talking too loud. Consider it self-preservation. Be direct with her. Ask her to lower her voice. Explain that you have noticed that especially when she gets excited about something she raises her voice and sometimes it's just too loud. Ask her for permission for you to give her a signal to lower her voice. For example, you can literally use your hand to show her that you would like her to bring the volume down.

If she agrees, know that it will take a while for her to be able to honor your request. If she has been talking loudly for years, that is her natural volume. You may also suggest that she have a hearing test. Sometimes people speak loudly when they have compromised hearing.

Etiquette & EthicsFriends & Neighbors
life

Reader Finds It Hard To Look At Team Members The Same

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | November 5th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR HARRIETTE: I worked on a project with a group of volunteers, and I can't tell you how disappointed I am. Each of us had a responsibility, and most people just didn't do their jobs. I kid you not! They accepted things to do, and in the end just didn't do them. Then one woman who had taken on a lot did attempt to complete her tasks, but when she figured out she wasn't going to finish, she didn't tell anyone. Imagine my horror when, at the last minute, we were trying to get final details together and so much was a mess. A few of us saved the day, but I will never look at these women the same. How could be they so lax? What can I say to them? -- Disappointed, Chicago

Work & School
life

Sense & Sensitivity for November 05, 2014

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | November 5th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: Often team members do not pitch in at the same level, whether they are volunteers or even when they are paid. Yes, it is disappointing. Rather than singling out the slackers, you may want to take time to acknowledge the people who stepped up and saved the day. In a debrief meeting, you can address tasks and people assigned to them. There you can point out how devastating it was to the overall effort to have people commit to duties and not fulfill them. It may be pointless to ask people why they dropped the ball. If they offer an explanation, great. Otherwise, just outline what needs to happen in the future for the overall health of the organization.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Friend's Endless Sales Attempts Are a Constant Annoyance

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | November 4th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: A woman I know from years ago has recently been in touch with me. She is divorced and trying to make things work for her life. She started working with one of those companies like Mary Kay or Avon (but not), where you make money both by selling the products and also based on how many people you can sign up to sell under your name. I understand that she is trying to do her thing, and I am happy for her, but I am not interested in it. The thing is, she is not taking "no" for an answer. She has called me about a dozen times. Now she has taken to inviting me to every event she is having. I have told her that I really do not have time to come. She then asks if she can come and meet me at my home or work. She is relentless. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I really am not interested. How can I get her to back off without seeming rude? -- Stepping Back, Detroit

DEAR STEPPING BACK: Sometimes people need to hear a clear and definitive "no" in order to accept it. In this case, it sounds like your politeness makes this woman think that there is a chance that you can and will help her in some way. Without meaning this, you may just be stringing her along by not being crystal clear about your intentions. Clearly, she thinks that you and your potential Rolodex of friends and associates would be beneficial to her and her business. If you do not intend to share these contacts with her, you must let her know.

While it may hurt her feelings that you are unwilling to listen to her spiel or otherwise engage her about her product line, it will hurt less if you just handle it. Tell her apologetically that you wish her well, but that you are not interested in her products and that you are not interested in having a meeting with her about this effort of hers in the future. Wish her well, but be firm about your decision.

Etiquette & EthicsFriends & NeighborsMoney
life

Great Student Finding It Hard To Get A Job

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | November 4th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am frustrated. I am a recent college graduate. I got great grades. I had good internships while I was in school. I did everything that I was told to do so that I would be ready for the working world. I have been interviewing for four months now with no job prospects in sight. I'm beginning to feel like a loser. My parents are very generous and are letting me stay at home as long as I need, but that wasn't my plan. I don't want to be the kid who never seems to grow up and get out of the house. I am ready to make my mark. What can I do to get things going? -- Ready to Work, Bronx, New York

DEAR READY TO WORK: Keep your chin up. It often takes time to secure a first job. Keep looking with enthusiasm. Also, get another internship if you can. Especially since your parents are allowing you to live at home, take advantage of that gift and work, even if it's for free. Often, volunteering turns into paid work.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Work & School

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