DEAR HARRIETTE: I have become friendly with a woman in my building who has a really good heart, but she is rough around the edges. She is so incredibly loud when she talks that I can hear her way before she gets to my door. She just talks at a super-high level. I feel like I almost need earplugs to be around her. I'm not sure what I can do about it. I can tell that she doesn't realize she is so loud. She didn't grow up with a family full of kids or anything. Who knows what's up with her, but I can't take it. I have never said anything before about her tone of voice, but I'm afraid that if I don't say anything, I will just have to avoid her. -- My Head Hurts, Denver

DEAR MY HEAD HURTS: It is not rude for you to tell your friend that she is talking too loud. Consider it self-preservation. Be direct with her. Ask her to lower her voice. Explain that you have noticed that especially when she gets excited about something she raises her voice and sometimes it's just too loud. Ask her for permission for you to give her a signal to lower her voice. For example, you can literally use your hand to show her that you would like her to bring the volume down.

If she agrees, know that it will take a while for her to be able to honor your request. If she has been talking loudly for years, that is her natural volume. You may also suggest that she have a hearing test. Sometimes people speak loudly when they have compromised hearing.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I worked on a project with a group of volunteers, and I can't tell you how disappointed I am. Each of us had a responsibility, and most people just didn't do their jobs. I kid you not! They accepted things to do, and in the end just didn't do them. Then one woman who had taken on a lot did attempt to complete her tasks, but when she figured out she wasn't going to finish, she didn't tell anyone. Imagine my horror when, at the last minute, we were trying to get final details together and so much was a mess. A few of us saved the day, but I will never look at these women the same. How could be they so lax? What can I say to them? -- Disappointed, Chicago

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: Often team members do not pitch in at the same level, whether they are volunteers or even when they are paid. Yes, it is disappointing. Rather than singling out the slackers, you may want to take time to acknowledge the people who stepped up and saved the day. In a debrief meeting, you can address tasks and people assigned to them. There you can point out how devastating it was to the overall effort to have people commit to duties and not fulfill them. It may be pointless to ask people why they dropped the ball. If they offer an explanation, great. Otherwise, just outline what needs to happen in the future for the overall health of the organization.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A woman I know from years ago has recently been in touch with me. She is divorced and trying to make things work for her life. She started working with one of those companies like Mary Kay or Avon (but not), where you make money both by selling the products and also based on how many people you can sign up to sell under your name. I understand that she is trying to do her thing, and I am happy for her, but I am not interested in it. The thing is, she is not taking "no" for an answer. She has called me about a dozen times. Now she has taken to inviting me to every event she is having. I have told her that I really do not have time to come. She then asks if she can come and meet me at my home or work. She is relentless. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I really am not interested. How can I get her to back off without seeming rude? -- Stepping Back, Detroit

DEAR STEPPING BACK: Sometimes people need to hear a clear and definitive "no" in order to accept it. In this case, it sounds like your politeness makes this woman think that there is a chance that you can and will help her in some way. Without meaning this, you may just be stringing her along by not being crystal clear about your intentions. Clearly, she thinks that you and your potential Rolodex of friends and associates would be beneficial to her and her business. If you do not intend to share these contacts with her, you must let her know.

While it may hurt her feelings that you are unwilling to listen to her spiel or otherwise engage her about her product line, it will hurt less if you just handle it. Tell her apologetically that you wish her well, but that you are not interested in her products and that you are not interested in having a meeting with her about this effort of hers in the future. Wish her well, but be firm about your decision.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am frustrated. I am a recent college graduate. I got great grades. I had good internships while I was in school. I did everything that I was told to do so that I would be ready for the working world. I have been interviewing for four months now with no job prospects in sight. I'm beginning to feel like a loser. My parents are very generous and are letting me stay at home as long as I need, but that wasn't my plan. I don't want to be the kid who never seems to grow up and get out of the house. I am ready to make my mark. What can I do to get things going? -- Ready to Work, Bronx, New York

DEAR READY TO WORK: Keep your chin up. It often takes time to secure a first job. Keep looking with enthusiasm. Also, get another internship if you can. Especially since your parents are allowing you to live at home, take advantage of that gift and work, even if it's for free. Often, volunteering turns into paid work.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am about to go on a third date with a lovely woman. I feel like she is really special, and I think she likes me. I am a guy who likes to take things slow, and I think she likes that too. The thing is, I don't want her to put me in the "friend" box just because I'm not making moves on her. We have held hands a couple of times and generally been close but we haven't kissed or anything yet. I want to take my time. I was married before, and it didn't work out. I am not so much interested in dating around. I want to find a partner, but I think it's smart to take my time to see how we get along. How can I let her know that I like her romantically without doing anything romantic yet? -- Taking it Slow, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR TAKING IT SLOW: It may be refreshing to your date that you aren't "making moves" so quickly. You are right, though, that you should make it clear to her that you do like her, especially if you are the kind of guy who often becomes "the friend."

Why not tell her? On your next date, you can say how much you enjoy her company and how much you like getting to know her. Be upfront about who you are. If you have your sights set on finding a partner with whom you can share your life, you can say as much. Tell her that you want to get to know her so that you can both see if you are a good fit for each other. Ask her what she is looking for and what she wants for the future. Talk about your dreams and desires. By being open about what's on your mind and your heart, you lay the foundation for true intimacy. The physical nature of intimacy will find its place in due time. The spiritual connection should come first.

DEAR HARRIETTE: It seems like every week somebody else in my life is turning up dead. I don't mean to be morose, but it's true. Within a few days of each other, I learned of two close friends who died. I can't even go to both funerals. I have to choose one, which is horrible but true. I feel lucky to be alive, of course, but I feel really out of sorts about so much death -- and all of these are people who didn't live to be old. How can I honor my friends' lives and still feel good about living with all of this sadness around? -- Out of Sorts, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR OUT OF SORTS: You can choose to remember the great things about your friends. This will keep their memory alive within you, and it should make you smile. Memories can be tremendous healers. You can also look at your own life, count your blessings that you are alive and make conscious choices about what you want to do moving forward. Assess the extent to which your actions are conscious and intentional. You may want to modify your choices to make them more accurately suited to your heart's desire. This is a way to find peace within and focus your steps.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)