DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who goes on and on and on about political topics until I could throw up. Nothing is off-limits. And he has seriously strong views about every single thing. At first I thought this was humorous -- until it got to be too much. The icing on the cake for me, though, was when I asked him if he was so riled up why didn't he just vote for the candidate who shared his views, and he balked and said he doesn't vote. He's not even registered to vote! He thinks that's a waste of time and that his vote won't count. I was infuriated. This is a black guy who grew up in the South even though he lives up North now. He knows that his people fought for the right to vote. And now all he can do is whine about things? I want to strangle him. What can I do instead? -- Waking Him Up, Syracuse, New York

DEAR WAKING HIM UP: Before walking away from these heated discussions with your friend, sit him down and ask him to take a trip down memory lane. What does he remember of old family stories about equal rights? If his family grew up in the segregated South, there is a very good chance that they talked about the visceral negative effects of discrimination. Ask him to recall some of those stories. If you have any stories from your own family, do the same. Talk about what it was like before the Voting Rights Act of 1965, or before segregation was made illegal. Talk to him about how equal rights began to be offered to people outside the white community and how that happened. In all cases in this country, rights were secured through protest and ultimately through a vote among the American people.

While it is true that democracy is not as simple as one vote, each vote does count. All you can do is remind him of his own family history and how important it was that people stood up for what they thought was right and made their voice heard through a ballot. A voice without power is just a loud voice.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I overheard my secretary telling another woman in the office some very personal details about me that she knows only because she is my personal assistant. I was shocked to hear her going on and on about my health concerns and a recent difficulty in my marriage to someone who works in the building. Obviously, I wish she didn't know any of it, but she has pieced a few things together over time. What ever happened to loyalty? I'm not sure how to address this. I don't know if I can get her to stop. What should I do? -- Betrayed, Denver

DEAR BETRAYED: Call a meeting with your assistant, and tell her what you overheard. Describe how surprised and disappointed you were to discover that she would betray your trust in that way. Ask her to explain herself. Turn the tables on her, and ask her what she would recommend you do in this situation. Get her to think carefully about this violation of trust. You may want to report her to human resources, but definitely outline what confidentiality means and that if she violates it again, you will not be able to work with her.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My church has been losing membership like crazy the past few years. I think it's because the message is kind of dry. Plus, the rules are really strict, and there's absolutely no outreach to young people. Most of our members are very old, and many of their children have moved away or moved to other churches. How can we make ourselves more attractive? -- Need a Crystal Ball, Arlington, Virginia

DEAR NEED A CRYSTAL BALL: Your leadership needs to get together and brainstorm honestly about where you are and where you want to go. Evaluate what works about your church and its policies and what people have said doesn't work. Be brutally honest about everything so that you can see your situation for what it is. Some churches invite guest ministers to come preach once a month to help mix up the energy and tone of the message. Some do direct outreach to young people via social media, posters and word-of-mouth, letting them know about new programming that may be targeted to their demographic. For instance, if you develop a course on how to be a "good" Christian and date at the same time, you might pique younger people's attention. Essentially, if you address hot-button moral issues in a non-judgmental format and advertise that to young people, they may come. They will need to believe that you will not judge them once they get there, though. Your minister and leadership will need to consider how to talk to young people about the issues of the day, stay grounded in your church's philosophy and values and guide them without slamming them.

Be clear that I am not suggesting that you veer from your core beliefs. What I am suggesting is that you have to attract the people you want to come through those doors by figuring out what their spiritual questions are and cultivating a legitimate way to address them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am petrified because of this Ebola madness. I live in Texas, for God's sake. As is, I don't like flying. Now I hardly want to go out of my house. I'm supposed to fly to Washington, D.C., to visit my family for Christmas, and it's time to buy my ticket. How can I know if I will be on a flight that's safe? Heck, how can I know if even being in the airport is safe? I'm scared. And the more I hear about this illness, the more I am seriously considering staying at home. What should I do? -- Scared Flightless, Dallas

DEAR SCARED FLIGHTLESS: You should be concerned about what your next steps should be, especially during the holidays. Thanksgiving and Christmas typically have extremely high travel numbers, nationally and globally. Pay attention to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention website that will give updates on travel recommendations and Ebola in general. Buy a refundable ticket in case you decide not to fly.

The going wisdom on prevention of contracting this deadly disease is to stay clean and stay away from infected people. For details, visit who.int/csr/disease/ebola/faq-ebola/en/.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine is in a vicious battle with her husband over custody of their children. They have been trying to get divorced for several years now, but it has been really difficult, in part because there's a lot of money at stake. My friend is so sad about her family falling apart and about him trying to "steal the children," as she puts it. The other day she asked me if I would testify on her behalf to maybe help her to keep her kids. I'm nervous about this. I have never been in a courtroom, and I'm afraid I will mess up. I love my girlfriend, and I have seen her do things really well, but also I have seen some messed-up things she has done. I figure that's just her being a person.

When I see these shows on TV and how people on the witness stand are grilled, I'm afraid of what they might get me to say. I would never lie, but I see on TV how they make people bend the truth. I feel like I want to pass on helping her, mainly because I'm afraid it could backfire. What should I do? -- Supporting My Friend, Dallas

DEAR SUPPORTING MY FRIEND: Have a heart-to-heart with your friend and tell her your concerns. Express your love for her and her family and your sadness at the turmoil she is experiencing right now. Be forthright with her about your skittishness to take the stand. Ask her to hear you out, and then tell her all of your thoughts. Spare nothing, because it will be much better for her to hear from you directly and privately than later in a court of law before a judge and possible jury. Tell her your thoughts that don't paint her in the most positive light, and point out that, if asked, you would have to say those things, too. Find out if she understands your point of view. If she does and continues to want you to testify, you will at least know that your honest testimony -- and all that comes with that -- is what she expects to hear.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I wore a dress to work the other day that I thought looked really nice, and nobody said otherwise -- until I got home, when my son asked me why I had worn that dress. He is 16 and doesn't usually say anything about clothes at all, let alone my clothes. But this time he said he had to say something because my dress was see-through. I didn't wear a slip, but who wears those anymore? I didn't realize it was see-through. So when I went to work the next day, I asked a friend if my dress the day before had been see-through, and she said yes. She said she didn't tell me because she didn't want me to be embarrassed. I am even more embarrassed! I could have gotten a slip or something. I am so mad. How can I get my co-workers to have my back? -- Ashamed, Boston

DEAR ASHAMED: Get a full-length mirror and a good lamp so you can check your outfits yourself. Then you don't have to rely on others. But you can also tell your friend you would appreciate a heads-up if she sees you missing the mark in the future.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)