DEAR HARRIETTE: My church has been losing membership like crazy the past few years. I think it's because the message is kind of dry. Plus, the rules are really strict, and there's absolutely no outreach to young people. Most of our members are very old, and many of their children have moved away or moved to other churches. How can we make ourselves more attractive? -- Need a Crystal Ball, Arlington, Virginia

DEAR NEED A CRYSTAL BALL: Your leadership needs to get together and brainstorm honestly about where you are and where you want to go. Evaluate what works about your church and its policies and what people have said doesn't work. Be brutally honest about everything so that you can see your situation for what it is. Some churches invite guest ministers to come preach once a month to help mix up the energy and tone of the message. Some do direct outreach to young people via social media, posters and word-of-mouth, letting them know about new programming that may be targeted to their demographic. For instance, if you develop a course on how to be a "good" Christian and date at the same time, you might pique younger people's attention. Essentially, if you address hot-button moral issues in a non-judgmental format and advertise that to young people, they may come. They will need to believe that you will not judge them once they get there, though. Your minister and leadership will need to consider how to talk to young people about the issues of the day, stay grounded in your church's philosophy and values and guide them without slamming them.

Be clear that I am not suggesting that you veer from your core beliefs. What I am suggesting is that you have to attract the people you want to come through those doors by figuring out what their spiritual questions are and cultivating a legitimate way to address them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am petrified because of this Ebola madness. I live in Texas, for God's sake. As is, I don't like flying. Now I hardly want to go out of my house. I'm supposed to fly to Washington, D.C., to visit my family for Christmas, and it's time to buy my ticket. How can I know if I will be on a flight that's safe? Heck, how can I know if even being in the airport is safe? I'm scared. And the more I hear about this illness, the more I am seriously considering staying at home. What should I do? -- Scared Flightless, Dallas

DEAR SCARED FLIGHTLESS: You should be concerned about what your next steps should be, especially during the holidays. Thanksgiving and Christmas typically have extremely high travel numbers, nationally and globally. Pay attention to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention website that will give updates on travel recommendations and Ebola in general. Buy a refundable ticket in case you decide not to fly.

The going wisdom on prevention of contracting this deadly disease is to stay clean and stay away from infected people. For details, visit who.int/csr/disease/ebola/faq-ebola/en/.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine is in a vicious battle with her husband over custody of their children. They have been trying to get divorced for several years now, but it has been really difficult, in part because there's a lot of money at stake. My friend is so sad about her family falling apart and about him trying to "steal the children," as she puts it. The other day she asked me if I would testify on her behalf to maybe help her to keep her kids. I'm nervous about this. I have never been in a courtroom, and I'm afraid I will mess up. I love my girlfriend, and I have seen her do things really well, but also I have seen some messed-up things she has done. I figure that's just her being a person.

When I see these shows on TV and how people on the witness stand are grilled, I'm afraid of what they might get me to say. I would never lie, but I see on TV how they make people bend the truth. I feel like I want to pass on helping her, mainly because I'm afraid it could backfire. What should I do? -- Supporting My Friend, Dallas

DEAR SUPPORTING MY FRIEND: Have a heart-to-heart with your friend and tell her your concerns. Express your love for her and her family and your sadness at the turmoil she is experiencing right now. Be forthright with her about your skittishness to take the stand. Ask her to hear you out, and then tell her all of your thoughts. Spare nothing, because it will be much better for her to hear from you directly and privately than later in a court of law before a judge and possible jury. Tell her your thoughts that don't paint her in the most positive light, and point out that, if asked, you would have to say those things, too. Find out if she understands your point of view. If she does and continues to want you to testify, you will at least know that your honest testimony -- and all that comes with that -- is what she expects to hear.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I wore a dress to work the other day that I thought looked really nice, and nobody said otherwise -- until I got home, when my son asked me why I had worn that dress. He is 16 and doesn't usually say anything about clothes at all, let alone my clothes. But this time he said he had to say something because my dress was see-through. I didn't wear a slip, but who wears those anymore? I didn't realize it was see-through. So when I went to work the next day, I asked a friend if my dress the day before had been see-through, and she said yes. She said she didn't tell me because she didn't want me to be embarrassed. I am even more embarrassed! I could have gotten a slip or something. I am so mad. How can I get my co-workers to have my back? -- Ashamed, Boston

DEAR ASHAMED: Get a full-length mirror and a good lamp so you can check your outfits yourself. Then you don't have to rely on others. But you can also tell your friend you would appreciate a heads-up if she sees you missing the mark in the future.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son just went on an overnight trip with his school, and everybody came back complaining that the food was horrible and the trip was poorly organized. The parents were fairly shocked, considering that these kids go to private school, and the trip was expensive. Without trying to turn our children into brats, a few of us want to speak to the administration about the poor quality of conditions and food that they say they experienced. How can we do that without sounding entitled? This is an annual trip, and we would feel irresponsible not bringing it up and having it happen again next year. -- Bad Taste, Yonkers, New York

DEAR BAD TASTE: Some camps are rugged, even those that are attended by private school children. That, however, does not mean that food in particular should be bad. Do some sleuthing before you report to find out exactly what "bad" means. Make sure the issue isn't whether it was gourmet, but more if it was healthy, well-cooked, served in a clean environment, etc.

Then, by all means, speak to the administration. Organize a small group of concerned parents and go directly to whoever planned the trip. Express your children's concerns, find out if the administration is aware and, if so, what they are going to do about it. Be clear as to why you are bringing this up: Namely, that your children came back extremely upset about the camp's conditions and food. Let your school know that you feel that you would be remiss if you said nothing and potentially let history repeat itself next year. Follow up with the administrator to ensure that your verbalized concerns did not fall on deaf ears.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I get regular direct messages on Facebook from people I don't know. Sometimes they seem like people who are trying to date me or something. It's kind of weird, if you ask me. I never answer them, but I wonder how I can get them to stop. -- Invaded, Raleigh, North Carolina

DEAR INVADED: Yes, one of the dangers of putting yourself out there with social media is that you are vulnerable to people you don't know, and some with dubious intentions may contact you. The relief may be that you can fix this. For starters, you can report anyone who seems suspicious to Facebook -- as well as the other large social media platforms. The perpetrator will be investigated to determine if foul play or bad intentions are evident. If so, the person can be removed from the platform entirely.

Easier still, you can change your settings and limit who has permission to contact you. You have the ability to make your page private so that only your actual friends get to communicate with you and access the information that you post.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)