DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend drinks orange juice straight from the plastic bottle. I find it nasty because I cannot handle the "backwash" that may end up back in the juice. She is OK drinking from the bottle because she "does not have time to drink from a cup." I had no idea that my girlfriend drank straight from the bottle. I think it is rude and selfish behavior, and I would like to know how to get her to stop. -- Grossed Out, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR GROSSED OUT: Maybe your girlfriend never thought about the germs that she is inadvertently putting in that plastic bottle. Perhaps nobody pointed that out to her in the past. It is time for you to speak up. Tell your girlfriend that it really bothers you that she drinks straight from the bottle. Offer to bring her a cup the next time you see her about to do it.

You can start by making light of it so that you get your point across without being harsh. Tell her that she deserves to drink from a cup. If she balks at that, be direct and let her know that her practice is unsanitary. Bacteria can leave her mouth and fester in the bottle, thereby contaminating it for anyone else who drinks the juice. Ask her to stop.

Because you know this is her practice, make it clear that in your home she must drink out of a drinking receptacle. Monitor her so that you don't get sick.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a teenage girl, and I have a terrible crush on a boy in my science class. I like everything about him: he dresses nice, he is polite and he loves his parents. I want to tell him how much I admire him, but I do not know what to say. When I am around him, I just giggle and blush. I know if I do not say something to him, someone else will. Can you give me a tip or two to overcome my shyness? -- A Loss for Words, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR A LOSS FOR WORDS: No wonder -- some crushes are so intense that they can leave one feeling debilitated. The good news is that the fast-beating heart and inability to do anything at all usually stop pretty fast!

Rather than professing your like to this young man, just talk to him. Since you are in class together, talk to him about the projects that you are doing right now. Ask him if he would like to study with you. Ask him for help in solving a science problem, and show him what you have come up with. In other words, engage him in dialogue that will allow the two of you to get to know each other. This will help you calm down, get your studies done and build a rapport with him. Don't worry about what others will do. The way for you to build a connection with him is to reach out in a neutral way. Make it easy for the two of you to communicate. Then see what blossoms.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was married to my college sweetheart for 28 years, and she passed away three years ago. I mourned my wife's passing for about a year's time. Recently, I met this beautiful woman, and I am interested in having a meaningful relationship with her. How much time is enough to mourn a loss of a spouse before you decide to start dating again? -- Finding Love, Chicago

DEAR FINDING LOVE: It used to be that people were told not to date until at least a year after a spouse passed away. Indeed, many years ago, widows would wear black for an entire year out of respect for their husbands' passing. Those rules have relaxed considerably in most parts of the country. You would be far beyond that rule, even if it still were in place.

What's more important for you is if you feel emotionally ready to start to date again. Have you done the spiritual work that you need in order to feel strong and clear about yourself and your goals for the future? When you feel whole, you are able to bring a strong potential partner to a new relationship.

If you feel that you want to explore a relationship with this woman, you should be completely honest with her. Talk about your life when you were married and what type of relationship you had with your wife. Talk about what you value in a partnership and what you hope to experience moving forward. Find out what her interests and desires are. By talking openly about who you are and what you want in life, you can learn from each other whether you could be a good fit. Take your time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am having hard time finding clothing that fits me. I am a female; I am 6 feet 1 inch tall, and I live in New York City. You would think living in the greatest city in the world, there would be more stores to my choosing; however, that is not the case, and I could find only one. I wear sizes 8 through 12, depending on the cut. Can you recommend places where I can shop? -- Tall Girl Shopping Woes, New York City

DEAR TALL GIRL SHOPPING WOES: Even in New York City, it can be challenging to find sizes that live outside the norm. But some stores do carry tall sizes, either in store or on their websites. These include Talbots, J. Crew and department stores such as Macy's, Bloomingdale's and Saks Fifth Avenue.

I would recommend that you make the Internet your friend. There are many options where you can order clothing and send it back if it doesn't fit, and then it doesn't matter where the origin of the clothing is. A store in New York that also has a website is longtallsally.com. Many traditional clothing stores also carry tall online, including Just My Size, Loft, Old Navy, Gap and Banana Republic. Good luck to you!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 18-year-old daughter just came home with colored contact lenses. To me, she looks like an alien. She has dark brown eyes that she was born with, only now she put blue lenses on top of them. I'm sorry, but she looks crazy. I know she is trying to make her own way in her life, but this is just not a good idea. As her mother, I believe I am supposed to tell her, and so I did. As you might imagine, she was offended. Then she dug in her heels and said she likes them, so leave her alone. I don't want to put my foot down too hard on this one. After all, she can remove them. But I worry about her reasoning for wanting to change her eye color. She is a beautiful young lady, and I think she should be proud of her God-given attributes. I never taught her that she should try to change herself in any way. How can I get my point across that she is beautiful as she is? -- Concerned Mom, St. Thomas, United States Virgin Islands

DEAR CONCERNED MOM: Young people try out lots of ideas as they look to cultivate their personal identities. While you may not like the colored contacts, at least they are not something permanently disfiguring. You can remind her regularly that she is beautiful inside and out. I would say no more about the contacts. She will get plenty of reactions from the outside world. Let her experience what comes her way on her own. Your job as her mom is to reinforce high self-esteem. Let her know that more important than how she looks is how she behaves and treats others. Be there for her if and when she gets reactions that are unkind.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I ran into my colleague's husband at a professional convention, and when I said hello, he immediately told me that he and his wife are separated. I was shocked. She hadn't mentioned it to me at all. For the rest of the convention, whenever I saw him, I looked to see if he was with someone else, and it didn't seem like it. I felt sort of like a spy after a while, but I thought she would want me to do the same for her. Anyway, when I got back to work, I told my colleague what had happened, including my sleuthing. She was livid, telling me to mind my business. I felt horrible. I was only trying to have her back. What can I do to repair our relationship? -- Overstepping My Bounds, Chicago

DEAR OVERSTEPPING MY BOUNDS: As you witnessed, it is generally best to stay out of people's business unless directly invited in -- by both parties. Your damage control now needs to feature a sincere apology to your colleague. Be short and sweet. Make it clear that you meant no harm and that you are sincerely sorry for putting yourself in the middle of her personal life in any way. Leave it at that.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)