DEAR HARRIETTE: I was married to my college sweetheart for 28 years, and she passed away three years ago. I mourned my wife's passing for about a year's time. Recently, I met this beautiful woman, and I am interested in having a meaningful relationship with her. How much time is enough to mourn a loss of a spouse before you decide to start dating again? -- Finding Love, Chicago

DEAR FINDING LOVE: It used to be that people were told not to date until at least a year after a spouse passed away. Indeed, many years ago, widows would wear black for an entire year out of respect for their husbands' passing. Those rules have relaxed considerably in most parts of the country. You would be far beyond that rule, even if it still were in place.

What's more important for you is if you feel emotionally ready to start to date again. Have you done the spiritual work that you need in order to feel strong and clear about yourself and your goals for the future? When you feel whole, you are able to bring a strong potential partner to a new relationship.

If you feel that you want to explore a relationship with this woman, you should be completely honest with her. Talk about your life when you were married and what type of relationship you had with your wife. Talk about what you value in a partnership and what you hope to experience moving forward. Find out what her interests and desires are. By talking openly about who you are and what you want in life, you can learn from each other whether you could be a good fit. Take your time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am having hard time finding clothing that fits me. I am a female; I am 6 feet 1 inch tall, and I live in New York City. You would think living in the greatest city in the world, there would be more stores to my choosing; however, that is not the case, and I could find only one. I wear sizes 8 through 12, depending on the cut. Can you recommend places where I can shop? -- Tall Girl Shopping Woes, New York City

DEAR TALL GIRL SHOPPING WOES: Even in New York City, it can be challenging to find sizes that live outside the norm. But some stores do carry tall sizes, either in store or on their websites. These include Talbots, J. Crew and department stores such as Macy's, Bloomingdale's and Saks Fifth Avenue.

I would recommend that you make the Internet your friend. There are many options where you can order clothing and send it back if it doesn't fit, and then it doesn't matter where the origin of the clothing is. A store in New York that also has a website is longtallsally.com. Many traditional clothing stores also carry tall online, including Just My Size, Loft, Old Navy, Gap and Banana Republic. Good luck to you!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 18-year-old daughter just came home with colored contact lenses. To me, she looks like an alien. She has dark brown eyes that she was born with, only now she put blue lenses on top of them. I'm sorry, but she looks crazy. I know she is trying to make her own way in her life, but this is just not a good idea. As her mother, I believe I am supposed to tell her, and so I did. As you might imagine, she was offended. Then she dug in her heels and said she likes them, so leave her alone. I don't want to put my foot down too hard on this one. After all, she can remove them. But I worry about her reasoning for wanting to change her eye color. She is a beautiful young lady, and I think she should be proud of her God-given attributes. I never taught her that she should try to change herself in any way. How can I get my point across that she is beautiful as she is? -- Concerned Mom, St. Thomas, United States Virgin Islands

DEAR CONCERNED MOM: Young people try out lots of ideas as they look to cultivate their personal identities. While you may not like the colored contacts, at least they are not something permanently disfiguring. You can remind her regularly that she is beautiful inside and out. I would say no more about the contacts. She will get plenty of reactions from the outside world. Let her experience what comes her way on her own. Your job as her mom is to reinforce high self-esteem. Let her know that more important than how she looks is how she behaves and treats others. Be there for her if and when she gets reactions that are unkind.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I ran into my colleague's husband at a professional convention, and when I said hello, he immediately told me that he and his wife are separated. I was shocked. She hadn't mentioned it to me at all. For the rest of the convention, whenever I saw him, I looked to see if he was with someone else, and it didn't seem like it. I felt sort of like a spy after a while, but I thought she would want me to do the same for her. Anyway, when I got back to work, I told my colleague what had happened, including my sleuthing. She was livid, telling me to mind my business. I felt horrible. I was only trying to have her back. What can I do to repair our relationship? -- Overstepping My Bounds, Chicago

DEAR OVERSTEPPING MY BOUNDS: As you witnessed, it is generally best to stay out of people's business unless directly invited in -- by both parties. Your damage control now needs to feature a sincere apology to your colleague. Be short and sweet. Make it clear that you meant no harm and that you are sincerely sorry for putting yourself in the middle of her personal life in any way. Leave it at that.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in a garden-style apartment with eight units. Recently, a middle-aged couple with their 20-something daughter moved in below me. I introduced myself to them and welcomed them to the building. Just about every night, I smell something highly spicy like Indian food, and it fills my apartment. It is coming from my new neighbors. The odor is offensive to me. We live in a warm climate, and the air conditioning is normally on. This does not help. How do I diplomatically approach this subject with them? -- Suffering Smells, Miami

DEAR SUFFERING SMELLS: This may be one of the biggest challenges you will face, because you are offended by smells that define that family's culture. I'm sure they have no idea that the aroma of their foods could be anything but alluring to anyone who might smell them. Interestingly, the same thing could be happening for them, depending upon the type of cuisine you prepare in your home.

That said, the best that you will likely get is a compromise; if you speak to them about the strong smells emanating from their kitchen and ask if they can diminish them in any way, they may agree not to cook with the strongest particular spices on a daily basis. But the smells are not going to go away. When broaching the subject with them, you can mention that you realize that they are cooking their native foods, which are strong for your nose. Ask if they will consider using a fan that extracts smells and pushes them out the window.

You may want to invest in one yourself. A home remedy that some have found useful is putting white vinegar in a dish on your counter to help absorb the smell. Citrus candles can help, as can Febreze candles.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I spoke to my cousin the other day about working together on a project I am developing. I love the idea of doing something with him -- he is super-smart and has great ideas. The thing is, neither of us has any disposable income, and we both need money. I don't want to get into a business relationship with him, especially if we come up short on funding. I also don't want to act like he should do me any favors. How should I address this situation? I don't want to give up yet, but I think we need to put all of our cards on the table. -- Family Before Feud, Dallas

DEAR FAMILY BEFORE FEUD: Do just that. Schedule a meeting with your cousin where you agree to discuss your project. Be prepared with as many details as you have in as organized a manner as possible. Talk about timelines, budgets, etc., so that you can show where you are in the development process.

Be honest about the realities of your project, especially as it relates to money. Since you know that you cannot pay your cousin now, tell him so directly. If you can offer him equity, do so. Otherwise, suggest that he not work on it until such time as you have the proper resources.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)