DEAR HARRIETTE: I believe I am due a promotion at my job, but I think I'm the only one who thinks so. I have been there for five years, and I have watched several people get promoted in front of me. Whenever I have said anything about it, I get the brushoff. The last time I spoke to my boss, he said that the reason I didn't get the latest promotion is because I have a bad attitude. Is that a legitimate reason to be passed over? I can't help it at this point. I am so angry that they don't see my potential, but I can't figure out what else I can do to prove it to them. Is it time for me to look for another job? I'm so frustrated. -- Pulling Out My Hair, Baltimore

DEAR PULLING OUT MY HAIR: It is time for you to listen closely to your boss and your peers. If you have been passed over repeatedly, it cannot be everybody else's issue. You have some responsibility. Review your behavior. Note specific incidents when your behavior has been questionable. Consider how you might have handled the situation differently.

Request a meeting with your boss to discuss your future. Ask for candid feedback and guidance on what you can do to improve your skills and your chances for promotion. Be mindful not to bring up other co-workers and their progress. Keep your focus on yourself. Get as much advice as you can from your boss about strategies to be more successful at your company. I highly recommend that you work on yourself at your current job, if at all possible. If and when you leave, let it be with skills that you have cultivated that make you more marketable. Resist the emotional reactions that can easily cause you to be fired or be limited in growth at your current job. Stay calm and continue to learn and grow.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My family gets substantial financial aid from my children's school. We are grateful, especially since it didn't start out that way. We paid full tuition at first, but when I lost my job, everything shifted. I used to be involved in lots of activities at the school, but now I wonder if I should continue. I don't know if other families know that we get financial aid. I don't want to be embarrassed by our situation. Should I just stay quiet, or do you think it makes sense to stay involved? -- On the Dole, Stamford, Connecticut

DEAR ON THE DOLE: You must change your mindset. There is no need for shame in getting financial aid. It exists to support families who need it. There should be no stigma attached to you or your family as a result of it, and chances are that has only happened in your head. By all means, continue to be active in the parent body. Your presence should be as appreciated as any other parent's. It takes your belief in your value and that of your family in order for that to manifest!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A group of my girlfriends have invited me to go on a trip with them to a spa. It sounds like a lot of fun, but I haven't done anything like that since I got married two years ago. I have spent pretty much every weekend with my husband, at least when he is at home. He sometimes travels for work, so I like to be at home when he is here. I feel strange considering going away with the girls now that I am married. Two of my girlfriends are also married, and they say they have been doing this trip for years. They say their husbands think it's a good idea. I haven't mentioned it to my husband yet. How do you think I should go about bringing it up? I have no idea what he will say. I don't want him to think that I don't want to be with him if I want to go on this trip. It is for a long weekend, by the way. -- Torn, Syracuse, New York

DEAR TORN: It is lovely that you are being considerate of your husband's feelings as you think about going on a weekend trip with your girlfriends. I also believe you are overthinking the situation. Many women take spa trips together. It can be a fun and relaxing activity. Rather than belaboring the point, tell your husband about the invitation from your friends. Say that you want to go, and ask for his blessing. You may be surprised at his response. Chances are great that he will be happy for you to enjoy your friends in that way.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I belong to a prestigious women's organization that does a lot of work for families and children. On paper, it looks like a great group. In reality, I feel like I'm volunteering for an organization that bickers most of the time, and what's left they try to get work done. They are driving me crazy. Because I see how things work, I volunteered to head a committee. What I didn't expect is that I would be working by myself. Hardly any of the women actually helped out at all. I don't want to quit the group, but I'm worried that I am going to blow a gasket either by overworking myself or sitting around seeing nothing get done. Help! -- Too Many Alpha Girls, Detroit

DEAR TOO MANY ALPHA GIRLS: It is common in any organization for a few people to do the lion's share of the work. Yes, that can be frustrating. It can be doubly difficult when the group assembled is a collection of leaders. It can seem like that image of too many cooks in the kitchen. Who is actually there to do the legwork? If you want to stay in the organization, you may want to run for a leadership role where you have the authority to suggest strongly that members each take an active role in some aspect of the infrastructure. Roles can be crafted small enough to be manageable for busy people. If the tasks are clearly defined, it may be easier for members to participate.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son owns a nightclub in our town, which he has owned for a few years already. My wife and I have never gone, primarily because we do not "party." We are churchgoing people, and we don't really think he should have gotten involved in this club in the first place. He assures us that it is tasteful. He calls it a lounge, but I know they serve alcohol, which means it could be trouble in our book. How can we support our son without compromising our belief that you shouldn't get involved in such things? -- Drawing a Line, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR DRAWING A LINE: Your son has got to know already how you feel about his choice of owning a lounge. Unless he is regularly inviting you to come visit, that aspect of your question is probably not relevant. What he likely would appreciate is your blessing that he has a business and is attempting to make it successful in the community. Not all establishments that serve alcohol become sources of trouble, as you put it. There are many lounges and other types of establishments that are elegant, efficient, successful and respectable. His may be one of them.

Rather than judging your son based on something you haven't even seen, talk to him about his business. Learn about his strategy for success. You can remind him that his choice is beyond your area of interest, but add that you love him and want him to be successful.

DEAR HARRIETTE: How do you end a friendship? I have this so-called friend from my high school who has been mean to me for long enough. She will act like she's my friend, but then talk about me behind my back. I am so sick of her. I can't trust her anymore, even though she will try to beg me to be her friend again right after she might have been talking about me like a dog to another group of girls. I can't stand it. What should I do? -- Fed Up, Queens, New York

DEAR FED UP: You are smart to notice that someone does not deserve to be your friend if she treats you in a mean way -- at all. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect. You can decide that you are finished with her and stop engaging her. When she begs for your forgiveness, you can tell her you forgive her, but you do not want to be her friend anymore. You can evaluate your friend group to notice who really cares about you, preferably people who are not affiliated with her. Often, people who behave in a bullying manner attempt to convince other friends to align with them. Do your best to select friends outside her friend group.

Most important: Don't keep this to yourself. Tell your teacher, your guidance counselor, your principal and your parents. Mean girls unfortunately run rampant in high schools, but that doesn't mean you have to accept that behavior. Ask for help so that you know that you are not alone! Stay strong.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)