DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I will be married 15 years this May. He asked me the other day if I would like to renew our vows on our wedding day. He said he has been thinking about it a lot and wanted to give us enough time to make the arrangements and figure out who we want to invite. He is so excited about the idea -- but I am not. I am bored and frustrated in our marriage. Honestly, I have been thinking about whether I even want to stay married. I am hardly interested in doing it all over again. How do I break this to him? -- Not So Sure, Rochester, New York

DEAR NOT SO SURE: Could it be that your husband wants to marry you again so that you can rekindle your bond? He may also realize that things have gotten stale at home. Rather than deciding to walk away, though, he's choosing to reclaim your love and strengthen your bond.

Tell your husband about your doubts and concerns. Be honest about how you feel about your marriage -- what is working and what is not. Admit that you do not think that your marriage is strong. Ask him to go to counseling with you now. Perhaps you can rediscover your love and affection for each other with professional help. Tell him that for now you are not ready to renew your vows, but you are willing to figure out if your relationship is worth saving.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My kids are already lobbying for what we will do when their spring break comes around again. They go to a school where some kids go to Europe, and many go somewhere far away. We have never been able to afford that, but this year they are hoping that since they asked early, maybe it will happen. We would like to be able to take a family vacation, but I'm not sure how we will be able to afford a big trip for four people. How can we manage their expectations? -- Planning a Trip, Cleveland

DEAR PLANNING A TRIP: Rather than assuming that you cannot afford a family trip, do some research. Look for travel deals on any of the various travel websites. Compare costs to see what may be affordable. Look for packages that include room and board, hotel or cruise line and transportation. Sometimes, those packages help to drive the cost down. You may also want to consider a driving trip. Driving to distant parts of this country can be lots of fun, and educational, too. You can map out a trip that is filled with adventures that all of you will love and does not have to break the bank.

Your children were smart to ask you to think about this in advance. Follow their lead and design a family vacation that everyone will love.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned that my little cousin is gay. He called me the other day to tell me, and he also said that he hasn't told his parents. He is 20, and he just now figured it out. He has had girlfriends here and there, but this year he fell for a man and realized this is what he wants. He said he felt comfortable telling me because he knows I won't judge him, but he is scared silly to tell his parents -- they can be very judgmental. He asked me not to tell them. He also asked me for advice on what he should do now. I really don't know. I want him to be happy, but I can't tell him how to live his life. What advice can I give him so he can feel settled? -- Supportive Cousin, New York City

DEAR SUPPORTIVE COUSIN: You can start by thanking your cousin for telling you about his life and for trusting you. You can tell him that you can imagine how difficult it must be to be dealing with his feelings and sorting through his understanding of his sexual identity. Recommend that he get counseling support from a professional who should have much deeper insights into how to manage talking to his family when it is time. Visit community.pflag.org/page.aspx?pid=536 for more information.

Stay in touch with your cousin as he grows into adulthood. And definitely keep his confidence. When he is ready, he is the one who should share his story with others.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I met two young men who were very well-dressed. As we passed each other on the street, we said hello. Then one of them asked if we could speak for a moment. That's when I noticed the cigarette in his hand. He went to shake my hand by transferring the cigarette from one hand to the next. Then he extended his hand. For a moment, I wasn't sure what to do. I did not want to shake that smoky hand, but I also didn't want to be rude. I shook his hand, but I was a bit miffed, so I asked him why he was smoking. I know that I hadn't met him before, but he looked like a smart, fashionable young guy. I couldn't figure out why he would put himself at risk like that. He just shrugged his shoulders and kept chatting. Am I wrong to ask that question? And more, do I have to shake someone's hand that just held a cigarette? -- Up in Smoke, Dallas

DEAR UP IN SMOKE: First of all, while it is common practice to shake hands when you meet someone, you can refuse to extend your hand if someone had a cigarette in it moments before. Know that it will seem awkward and you probably will have to explain your action.

Second, understand that smoking is highly addictive. Many people try it because it seems cool -- even today -- and they get hooked quickly. Good for you that you asked the young man why he was smoking. It is possible that you could have gotten him to reconsider this action. But if he is hooked, it will take a whole lot more than a compassionate observer for him to turn the corner.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My children are all using smartphones, and they bought me one, too. They send me pictures of their children through the phone, and it's just marvelous. I love it. I do miss handwritten notes, though. I would love for them to encourage their children to write to me. I love having those notes to read and reread. Plus, it teaches the children how to write. I'm afraid if I suggest it, they may be offended. What can I do? I don't want to seem ungrateful for what they are doing. -- Grandma Love, Washington, D.C.

DEAR GRANDMA LOVE: It is wonderful that you are receiving regular communications from your children and grandchildren and that you are open to new ways of engaging them. It is also perfectly understandable that you are longing for a good old-fashioned letter. Rather than imploring your children to get their children to write to you, try another strategy. Write directly to your grandchildren. Write to each one individually, sharing a bit of news that you think they may find of interest. Enclose a little trinket or magazine clipping or some other memento that you think they would appreciate. At gift times, consider giving them personalized stationery. This may prove an incentive for them to write. You can even tell them that you wish they would write to you from time to time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been cleaning out my closet, putting away the summer clothes and pulling out the fall and winter stuff. I realize that my family and I have way too much stuff, especially clothing. We need to get rid of some of it. Some things are in great shape, so I don't want to just throw them away. I have friends who might appreciate some of the items for themselves and others for their children, but I don't want to be presumptuous. We live in an apartment building, so we can't hold a yard sale. How can we go about offering clothes to people we know without offending them? -- Wanting to Share, Pittsburgh

DEAR WANTING TO SHARE: Divide your clothing into bundles for the various people you have in mind. Then contact the people and tell them that you were going through your clothing and found some things you think they will like. Ask if they would like to see them. Tell them if they don't want the items, it's no problem. They can give them to someone else or give them back to you.

You can also consider hosting a gathering at your home where you invite people to come who may be interested in the items you want to get rid of. With a few refreshments, you can make it a lovely social event. You can give away your clothes or sell them at a low price.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)