DEAR HARRIETTE: I ran into an old flame at a black-tie dinner, and boy did he look good! It has been some years since we dated, but to look at him, it's almost as if the hands of time turned backward. I know I sound like a smitten schoolgirl, but that's because it's how I felt! Honestly, he took my breath away. Even better, he was so nice to me, and he even asked me to have coffee with him. So now I'm nearly hyperventilating. I really loved him years ago, but we were too young to think about commitment. We broke up on friendly terms, but I have no idea what his life has been like since. I have been married and divorced. I have two teenage children. While he looks delectable, I am a little overweight. I guess I'm feeling kind of insecure about going out with him. How can I be more confident? -- Twice Smitten, Denver

DEAR TWICE SMITTEN: Take a deep breath and calm yourself down. Focus your attention on yourself for a few minutes. Remind yourself of your value. You have two teenage children of whom you must be proud. What else makes you proud? What kind of person would you say you are? What are your qualities? Make a list of your attributes.

Then remember that this man invited you to coffee. You didn't beg him to ask you out. He must see something in you that interests him, even if it is just as a friend. Rather than reading too much into this invitation, just go. Be your pleasant self and see what happens. Get to know each other again. Choose to talk about the positive things in your life. Ask him to tell you about his life. Rekindle your friendship. Take it slowly. Most important, stay grounded in knowing that you are worthy of this man's interest and affection. You must stand in your own power, though, in order to appear worthy. Let go of the fluttering heart. Be still and strong.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, my husband started smoking cigarettes. I was shocked. Not only do we all know how bad smoking is for your health, but I have asthma. I cannot be in the same room as somebody who is smoking. It sends me into a coughing fit. I don't know what got into my husband. He has been under a lot of stress at work, but this? When I asked him about it, he shrugged me off. I have to do something to get him to stop. I cannot live in the same house as cigarette smoke. Help. -- Can't Breathe, Dallas

DEAR CAN'T BREATHE: Sit down with your husband and ask him what's going on. Try to get him to tell you details about the stress he is under. Do your best to be compassionate as you listen.

Tell him that as much as you love him and want to support him, you also need him to support you. Make it crystal-clear that you cannot live in a home with cigarette smoke. Tell him that you hope he will stop smoking and that he must not smoke at home again. If necessary, ask your doctor to explain to him that his cigarette smoke could literally kill you.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine wanted to give me a tie as a gift, but I did not accept it because of the design. She was taken aback because of my answer, and I think I hurt her feelings in the process. Do you think I am a snob because I did not like the style of the tie? -- Fashion Forward, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR FASHION FORWARD: I think you were incredibly insensitive to your friend. What was important was that she wanted to give you a gift. You could have accepted the gift, thanked her for it and let that be that. Later, if she were to ask you why you haven't worn the tie, you could then tell her that as much as you appreciate her thoughtfulness and generosity, the tie was not really your style. A delayed reality check would at least have afforded her the opportunity to know fully that you appreciate her thinking of you and wanting to give you something.

In this case, you may want to double back to her to apologize for not being sensitive to her feelings. Remind her of your gratitude for her good intentions.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am taking 16 credits this semester, and my professors suggest that I should devote 10 hours a week per class toward studying. That is 40 hours a week, and I do not have that amount of free time on my hands. I also have a full-time job. What are some ways that I can maximize my study time while still being engaged with my prior commitments? -- Too Many Irons in the Fire, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR TOO MANY IRONS IN THE FIRE: Block out your time hour-by-hour so that you know exactly what your responsibilities are from moment to moment. You have to become an expert at being fully present in each moment so that you can fulfill the duties at hand. In other words, when it is time to work, you work with complete focus. When it's time to study, do that with singular focus.

From an overview perspective, look carefully to see if you can carve out the 10 hours per class needed by getting up earlier or staying up later. If you cannot figure out how to find the time, you may either want to reduce your work hours or reduce your credit load. What you don't want to have happen is that you fail at both work and school because you are spreading yourself too thin.

Be strategic about your plans so that you figure out how to win. This may require you to talk to your boss upfront to explain your situation and ask for support. If you don't want to lose your job, you should ask if you can renegotiate hours during this semester. Being proactive will likely be inspiring to your boss, and if there is a way for your boss to be supportive, chances are that you will get that help.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: School has started, and I am worried sick. I know there's always a chance that children can and do catch germs from one another, but this year seems worse than ever. Is there a way that I can ensure my child remains healthy this school semester? I am concerned about the enterovirus D68 (EV-D68) cold virus that is spreading around the country. How can I protect my children? -- Cautious Mom, West Orange, New Jersey

DEAR CAUTIOUS MOM: You have every right to be worried. This virus, which was discovered back in the 1960s, has shown up this year in 22 states with about 160 people diagnosed with the illness, according to the Centers for Disease Control. It is an illness that affects the respiratory system, so children (and adults) who suffer from asthma or other illnesses that compromise the respiratory system are being advised to be particularly cautious.

In general, the measures being recommended to reduce one's likelihood of contracting this disease are the very things we are advised to do anyway: Wash your hands in warm, soapy water for at least 20 seconds; avoid touching eyes, nose and mouth with unwashed hands; and avoid kissing, hugging and sharing cups or eating utensils with sick people. I would add that you should tell your children never to eat other children's food. Stay in touch with their teachers so that you are aware if other children are getting sick.

For more information from the Centers for Disease Control, visit cdc.gov/non-polio-enterovirus/about/ev-d68.html.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am so embarrassed. I was at a business function and saw a number of people. When I reached out to shake hands and introduce myself, several of them immediately said that we had previously met. They seemed to be indignant that I did not remember them or their names. I admit that I meet a lot of people and do not always remember everyone. How can I do a better job of acknowledging people so that they aren't insulted if I don't really remember them? -- Wanting to Please, Syracuse, New York

DEAR WANTING TO PLEASE: I often do not remember people's names and sometimes do not remember that I met people in the first place. Over the years, I realized that what people want most is to be seen and acknowledged. So I generally greet people by warmly saying hello, saying it is lovely to see them and stating my name. Even if they have met me before, I think that is wise, because people do not always remember names. If I am unsure of their name, I may ask, "Would you remind me of your name?" In that way, I am not being rude, but I am letting them know that I very much want to know who they are.

Now, if you do that on more than one occasion with the same person, chances are the person will be a bit miffed. Because I know my propensity to forget names, I do my best to help others know who I am. I do not take it personally if they need a refresher. If you are kind and welcoming, you create space for them to be kind as well.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)