DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a small party in my building and had a great time visiting with neighbors. As I left, I saw another neighbor coming into our building, and she immediately wanted to know where I had been and what I had been doing. I attempted to dodge her questions because she knows the host of the party, and I figured she would be hurt that she wasn't invited -- even though it was a small party and it was his choice not to invite her. She figured it out and asked me for his phone number so that she could call him and curse him out. I did not give it to her, and she got really mad. What should I have done differently in that situation? -- In a Pickle, Washington, D.C.

DEAR IN A PICKLE: The general rule is to enjoy yourself wherever you go and keep the experience to yourself. This is true for the very reason that you just experienced. Of course, people have the right to invite whomever they choose to their parties. But it is also common for others to get their feelings hurt if they feel left out.

In this situation, you could have not acknowledged where you had been. Even though your uninvited neighbor was prying, you did not have to divulge your whereabouts. You could have remained evasive. Then she could only guess as to whether your mutual friend had indeed hosted a party.

To the neighbor who felt slighted, I would add that she should not take things so personally. As an adult, she should know that people have the authority to choose who comes to their homes, just as she does. Not choosing her this time does not mean she is not liked. It means she was not invited this time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to an event where there were a lot of young children, and the moms talked a lot about caring for kids. It was a lot of fun. I noticed, however, that one of the women there was sitting off to the side. I went over to her to chat. I asked her if she would like to join the conversation on the other side of the room, and she declined. She is not a mother and said it made her uncomfortable. I stayed and talked to her for a while before going back to the group where I had been. I saw that she pretty much kept to herself all evening, even after the conversation changed and people moved around. How could we have made this woman feel more welcome? -- Observant Partygoer, Chicago

DEAR OBSERVANT PARTYGOER: You did the right thing by going over to check on the guest who was by herself. Talking to her and welcoming her into your friend group was thoughtful. It may be that she is shy. Some people find it difficult to join conversations or mingle in a group of strangers. She may have sensitivity to not being a mother.

It would be impossible for you to know why she was somewhat reclusive. You did the right thing. Others could have reached out to her as well throughout the evening, too.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am getting sick of social media. People who I have never heard of ask if they can be my friend. Why would I want to be friends with them? Then all these people invite me to join them in online games that I do not want to play. That didn't happen at first. When I got on Facebook initially, I enjoyed catching up with old friends from high school and college and from my hometown, but now it feels almost like work. There are too many people's feelings to manage. How can I keep talking to the ones I want to and get rid of the rest? -- Media Crazy, Washington, D.C.

DEAR MEDIA CRAZY: The good news about using social media is that you remain in control of what you can and cannot do and with whom you engage. You can change your settings on Facebook, for example, to allow only a limited number of people to see your page or communicate with you. You can set it up so that no one can post on your page. You can delete people if you do not want to be connected to them anymore.

It could seem harsh to unfriend people, but you can if you want to. You can also choose not to respond to the people with the annoying game nudges. You do not have to talk to people when they message you. What you must remember is that you are in charge of yourself and the way that your social media pages are used. As long as you keep that fact top of mind, it will be easier for you to notice the activity on your page without getting absorbed in the drama of it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband of two years likes to buy me clothes. He is really into fashion and gets a lot of pleasure out of buying stuff for me. The thing is, I hardly ever like what he buys. Seriously, we do not have the same taste. I tried liking what he buys me, but it never works. I appreciate my husband wanting to do this for me, but I do not want him to waste any more money. How can I get him to either understand my style or stop buying me stuff? -- Out of Style, Milwaukee

DEAR OUT OF STYLE: It's wonderful that your husband wants to buy you clothing, and it's normal that so early in your marriage he isn't getting your style quite right. You do want to be careful not to hurt his feelings as you educate him. One way to do so is to suggest that the two of you go shopping together. Make a date of going to one of your favorite stores. Try on a range of clothing that you like and show him each look. Tell him why you like the items you have selected. Model for him so that he can see you in the outfits. When you are finished, invite him to purchase one of your favorite outfits for you!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 12-year-old son is an OK student who is extremely social. He also likes sports a lot. Now that school has started, he has asked to sign up for lots of extracurricular activities, but I am concerned that it is too much. I want him to enjoy school -- including having friends and socializing -- but his studies should come first. How can I impress upon him that he has to do well in school before being allowed to do everything else? -- First Things First, Atlanta

DEAR FIRST THINGS FIRST: Carefully review the schedule that your son is proposing. Then make your own schedule that includes a healthy amount of time for homework and overall study. Look for what pockets of time might exist for extracurricular activities. From that perspective, consider what your son can do. Go through this process with him so that he can see your thinking. Let him know you want him to have a well-rounded life, but that education comes first. Suggest a revised schedule that allows him to do at least one of his fun activities. Let him know that he may be able to add to his fun options if his grades improve this semester. Supervise his study and get him help if you think he needs it. Every child learns differently. Work with your son and his teachers to determine how you can best support him on the road to success.

DEAR HARRIETTE: There is a new trend among tween girls that I don't know how to handle. Two girls in my daughter's school arrived at school with their hair dyed. One girl had blue tips; the other girl had pink ones. Never mind the fact that these girls are 11 years old. Naturally, my daughter now wants her hair brightly colored. I'm not quite sure how I feel about that. I was allowed to dye my hair when I was in high school. I'm thinking 11 is pretty young, even though it's not permanent color. Am I making too big a deal about this? What do you recommend? -- To Dye or Not to Dye, Syracuse, New York

DEAR TO DYE OR NOT TO DYE: Many girls want to begin experimenting with beauty products as they reach the tween years. This is when they often want to start wearing makeup. Hair color is an extension of this desire.

You have to decide what you will allow your daughter to do based on your family values. For some families, a little semi-permanent dye is no big deal, just like a little lip gloss may seem inconsequential. Other parents believe that these types of things propel children into growing up too fast. You have to figure out your thinking on this so that you can talk to your daughter from a place of clarity and conviction.

For sure, you don't want to succumb to peer pressure simply because it's happening. If you are opposed to the hair color, say so. If you would be willing to allow something that could wash out immediately, investigate hair chalk.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)